Two elderly mums reduced to vegetables in days - what are they giving them??

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In the last week both my elderly mum and my sister's elderly MIL (in another part of the country) have been admitted to hospital.

My mum has gone in on the recommendation of her GP for what's called a social assessment. Her mobility has got so bad that my dad is struggling to care for her and she needs to be kept in while they organise a care package (which we eventually pay for). My sister's MIL went in for a urinary tract infection. Both women's minds were fine if a little slow sometimes.

I visited my mum for the first time yesterday and my sister's DH also visited his over the past few days and we're both shocked at how much they've both changed in a matter of days. My mum literally seems like they've removed her brain - like the lights are on but no one's home!

It's heartbreaking and frightening and I'm wondering, as the other mum is practically the same, that the hospital are drugging them up to the eyeballs without their consent. There are six other women on her ward and they are all like that - zombies just staring straight ahead, not reading, listening to music, watching TV etc.

My mum is on a lot of medication for various things, but she's been on them at home for months and she was fine mentally until now.

It's so sad - I just want to bring her home but I know my dad couldn't cope without the carers, so we just need to wait.

Has anyone had a similar experience or can explain this? It feels like a horror film...

This is really terrifying. I absolutely hate hospitals and it’s just made me even more phobic. How awful that the elderly are treated like this.

This happened to my mother. Sarcopenia (muscle wasting) sets in very quickly when you're that age.

Family experience has really opened my eyes as to how dreadfully the elderly are treated in hospital.

One grandparent admitted after a fall. She’d previously had mouth cancer and had a false plate which enabled her to eat. The hospital ‘lost’ it and then decided it was too dangerous to feed her so they didn’t bother. Put her on a drip for fluids but that was it. she died in a hospice a couple of weeks later, pretty much emaciated. Prior to this she had been happily going on outings with her day centre group and was living independently at 90.

Second grandparent also admitted after a fall. She was dropped whilst in hospital, the wound was stuck down with steri strips and the family weren’t told! Her hip was also damaged in the fall so the hospital sent her away for ‘rehab’ over 40 miles away. This consisted of being left in a room on her own 24 hours a day apart from 2 x 15 minute physio sessions each week. She was there for 16 weeks and was never independently mobile again.

The NHS is sadly shit at caring for older people.

@EmmaH2022 she was admitted on the recommendation of her GP for what's called a 'social assessment', where a person can no longer cope at home and needs a care package organised, but it takes time as there's a waiting list for at-home carers.

It sounded great at the time, but something awful has happened to my mum in the few days since she's been there.

I don't believe it was a lack of care at all, it was the onset of dementia that I had helped her mask.

I think sadly this may be what is happening. My mum has gone from a very stimulating environment where she had to just try and do her best, to a very alien one where absolutely everything is done for her, and she's maybe just giving up (which is what my poor dad thinks).

Sounds like delirium, sadly quite common. I’d raise it with the nurse in charge of her care but I wouldn’t frame it as “what are you drugging her with” as it’s almost certainly not going to be the reason; we’re typically not in the habit of deliberately creating new falls risks.

I was admitted recently and put in a bay opposite 3 women who I'd guess were early 70s. They barely ate anything and didn't drink unless coaxed to.

The problem was that the ward was so short staffed that there just was not the capacity for someone to sit with them for longer than a minute to try and encourage them to eat/drink/move etc.

A lady who had been nil by mouth at breakfast due to an impending medical procedure late morning was brought back from her scan after lunch and not offered anything.

It was a sharp wake up call to me that anyone who isn't driven to look after themselves will quite quickly go downhill in hospital if they're on a general ward.

I don't think it takes many days of poor nutrition and dehydration and lying in bed to have a dramatic impact on someone's well-being.

My great Aunt had a short hospital stay and experienced a similar decline.

She went in a little forgetful but otherwise sharp minded and independently mobile and was replaced by a shell of a woman. I remember a nurse describing her as sweet little old lady who didn't want to be any trouble. I loved my Aunt dearly, but a sweet little old lady who didn't want to be any trouble she was most definitely not!

Fortunately I had power of attorney and was able to access her bank accounts, arrange private carers and get her home quickly. We never did figure out what caused the decline but she was back to her old self within days of getting home and had another year of fantastic living in her own home before her death.

I hope your Mum gets all the support she needs.

A lot of really insightful responses on here, thank you.

We're so conflicted now though. We didn't realise the resource existed until her GP recommended it and I initially thought it was a good idea.

We live next door to my parents so see them a lot. We help out where we can - eg I cook all their evening meals, but my mum has become increasingly immobile in the past fortnight and it came to a head two Sundays ago when it took me, my son and DF to twice lift her from the sofa to a wheelchair.

My DH called her GP the following morning and she said the best thing we can do is call the Rapid Response Team out. They came and concluded that it was too much for my dad and called an ambulance so that she could be admitted to hospital so that a care package would be put in place on her return.

It's been very helpful on the one hand, as a load of care equipment is being delivered tomorrow, but getting carers takes time as there's a waiting list. So she's now going to be transferred to a 'community hospital' for the next 5-6 weeks while we wait. I thought it would be great for her and my DF to have the pressure taken off them for a bit, but just didn't anticipate such a sudden downturn in her.

Your situation sounds so similar to ours. My mum (dad died 9 years ago) lived in a mobile home in our garden so I was in and out with her all day (and in the night). Close friends have pointed out how much I did for her that masked her cognitive decline. For instance when she didn't recognise someone I would stop her feeling panicked by explaining she couldn't see clearly - "Oh look it's X - you can't see because you haven't got your glasses on." That sort of thing became second nature and no one would have realised that she wasn't so with it.

Having said that, in the last month before the crisis that sent her into hospital I was aware that she was struggling to stay with us - zoning out of conversations, unable to follow instructions. She needed the wheelchair to get from the sitting room to the bedroom/bathroom. I would help her stand up and then ask her to turn to face the window so I could put the chair behind her. She would stand and not move and then ask if she could sit now? It would take me 30-45 mins to take her to the toilet but I convinced myself that it was her mobility and eyesight that were the problem, not her cognition.

It was actually the OT at the hospital who pointed out to me that it was her mind not her body that was causing her problems. Looking back I could see that she had deteriorated over six months before going into hospital and her lack of mobility and her deteriorating mind made it impossible for her to come home.

She had lost interest in tv programmes - they had too many people in them. Her soaps were too complicated. She couldn't even concentrate on CBBC dramas. Things like that that were irritating because I was expected to find something to entertain her and or watch with her so I could explain what was going on were actually happening because her mind was failing, not her eyes. But I was in denial.

I am not saying that you are the same, please don't think that. But it does explain, in my mum's case, why she went into hospital able to have a normal conversation but within a week she was drifting away.

I've seen this too. It's got radically worse in the last 2 years- staff barely even have time to do meds and often miss bedpan calls etc. Even if assisted feeding is written on a chart there's no one to do it. When they are only allowed one named visitor it makes it impossible to help too. Do reiterate this isn't their normal state, you can also phone ward and ask to talk to them (afternoons,never morning) and ask the doctors to call you. Some hospitals have an older person's advocate but I don't know they can do much.

This is so shocking.

Yes this probably pays a part. We get a lot of people on the ward and family say they were doing x, y, z at home why not here, when in reality a lot of it was facilitated and happened slowly over time so wasn't as noticeable. It's probably a combo of short staffing, hospital is never a good place to be for someone who doesn't need to be- a community setting will probably be much better for her (and you), and being in a new and very sensory place often has an impact. Whilst not impossible it's very unlikely they are being drugged, speak with the nurse in charge if you are concerned.

I think apathy and boredom make people shut down . It’s a defence mechanism. I notice my mother becomes withdrawn apathetic and sluggish when she’s on her own too long. Put her on a ward with strangers in a hot stuffy atmosphere where all stimulation and autonomy is removed, and I’m sure she would be comatose very quickly . Dehydration also plays a large part.

It's more likely to be hypoactive delirium than drugs.

Is she on a syringe driver?

I read an article, can't find it, but it said these things are not safe and overdose and death can occur with them.

just to agree with others this does sound like delirium. My dad has gone through it several times now and it scared the hell out of me the first time I saw it. Hope she picks up soon