Terrible, to say that about your own father, isn’t it?
It’s not just now that he has dementia. I’ve felt like this for years. Only child of a widowed (my mum died when I was 9) parent, an older one at that, he was late 40s when I was born. he’s always expected me to be the centre of his life.
Never any ambition instilled into me, it was just leave school at 16, get any job until you get married young and have a child, then you look after that child and me.
Which is what I did because study, career, that was for other people.
My first husband left me because of my dad. Amount other things, He got an amazing job opportunity abroad, once in a lifetime. All expenses paid, pay increase that you could only dream of, the best private school paid for for dc. And he couldn’t go because I couldn’t leave my dad, the guilt he laid on, he attempted suicide twice. My marriage never recovered, my ex was made redundant instead, his career never really recovered and he never forgave me, he left me a couple of years after and I don’t blame him. We had tried to move across the country previously to get some space, he followed us. He used to sit outside my house like a stalker in the morning until he saw movement and then pound on the door.
My now husband has felt the strain for the last decade.
And now my dad has deteriorated into dementia and is in a home, my husband has done so much to help. But there is so much to sort out (money, house sale), it’s such a strain.
I don’t know how I am going to get through these next few years. There are so many hurdles, everything has been so stressful.
Sorry I don’t know what I want from this.I’ve just spent another morning on the phone trying to. sort out another financial issue.
I wish to god I didn’t have POA.
My husband got his parents to remove his name from theirs for the future - he said he couldn’t go though all this again, his sister can do it for his parents.
Everything to do with my dad is just a world of shit that only me and dh can sort out. Everyone telling us we “need” to do this or that. I don’t fucking need to do anything, I’ve had enough.
Dh works 6 days a week and hours of overtime everynight. He took tomorrow off as a surprise so we can take the baby somewhere together but another bit of shit has happened which means tomorrow morning has to be spent at the bank sorting out yet more of my dads stuff.
And I am aware I had another thread last week moaning, but I am just so angry at my dad and bored of the whole situation now.
And yes, seen my gp, my insurance covered therapy but all they say is “take a step back” which you can’t if you are responsible for someone’s finances and everyone wants their bloody money.