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Elderly parents
Original poster

Mum lost her appetite and has stopped eating

63 replies

Zippsbuttonsvelcro · 03/04/2022 19:19

I am just wondering if anyone has any advice?

My mum (in her 80s and lives alone) lost her appetite a week ago and has eaten very little since. For example, today she has eaten half a bowl of cereal and half a banana. She tried to eat a biscuit earlier but said she couldn’t face it. She doesn’t have a bug or anything.

She is on several very strong painkillers (patches) for a broken hip due to osteoporosis. She was on amitryptaline as well but stopped that a couple of days ago. She is also very tired, sleeping a lot and has the shakes (doesn’t normally have a tremor). I called the GP out mid week and they came to visit and said she looked well and was sprightly (she isn’t). Every time I ring she sounds weaker. I am scared she is going to have a fall or lose consciousness or something. I am two hrs away and can’t visit more than once or twice a week.

She is currently having people in from SS for 15 mins morning and evening to check she has got up / gone to bed alright, but this service stops in a week. I don’t know what to do - it’s like she’s given up on life.

OP posts:
user1471453601 · 03/04/2022 20:52

@Zippsbuttonsvelcro, this sounds so much like my Mum before she died. She fancies nothing to eat and however much we tried to persuade her, threaten her, ect, nothing g worked. Three years or so before this she wore size 16 clothes,by the time she died, she weighed under six stones.

We tried fortysips but she wouldn't drink them. But she did have issues with her bowels and ended up having a large chuck of them removed.
She took antidepressants for a week, but didn't like them.
I hate to say this, but I now think Mum was ready to die. So she did.

Ilikewinter · 03/04/2022 21:02

user1471453601 , this happened with my MIL aswell, used to be a size 14/16 and was less than 6 stone when she passed, it was a shock to see her so thin.
OP, i would recommend trying to see if you can get carers to visit

Original poster
Zippsbuttonsvelcro · 03/04/2022 21:03

That’s interesting about the red plates - thanks Leah2005

@user1471453601 yes, that is what my gut is saying. I think she is just giving up. She was just regaining her independence after getting over the last broken hip. She had started seeing people again after 2 years. Now she is back to square one. She is religious and would probably see dying as a release. She was never overweight, but now she is definitely under weight.

OP posts:
bellac11 · 03/04/2022 21:05

Urine infection?

Also my mum is on ensure and mirtazipine for depression although doesnt seem to be improving her mood but is making her eat at least

hayley013 · 03/04/2022 21:09

Has she been taking the Amitriptyline long? I take a small dose of 50mg a day for nerve pain and if i miss one night, I feel really awful by the next afternoon, no appetite being the worst

jalopy · 03/04/2022 21:10

The painkillers might be causing constipation. That would affect her appetite.

Original poster
Zippsbuttonsvelcro · 03/04/2022 21:12

Urine checked a couple of days ago - all clear. She was on the amitriptyline for 3 weeks, GP advised to stop due to drowsiness and loss of appetite.

OP posts:
SparklingLime · 03/04/2022 21:13

Has she has a full social services needs assessment now that she is home? I think this would be more in depth than the one done to allow her home from hospital.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/help-from-social-services-and-charities/getting-a-needs-assessment/

Original poster
Zippsbuttonsvelcro · 03/04/2022 21:15

I don’t think she is constipated - she takes Movicol to counteract the effects of the painkillers.

OP posts:
Notwashingup · 03/04/2022 21:18

Friend is a home carer. She leaves small plates out for her clients with small tasty things on to tempt them. A couple of squares of chocolate, ritz crackers, berries, cubes of cheese etc, I always thought it was a good idea. Hopefully it’s just a side-effect of her medicine.

Leah2005 · 03/04/2022 21:18

Please get her painkillers checked. I was convinced my df had given up because he couldn't go out. When they were changed it was like the difference between night and day.

AnneBrontesaurus · 03/04/2022 21:19

One thing that helped with my mum's appetite was when I sat and ate with her so it was social as well as fuel. Can you get any help from a charity or employ someone locally to spend time with her?

I feel for you as I only see my aunt once a month due to distance and she eats the bare minimum in spite of carers' visits. The only time she ate well was at my mum's funeral!

Original poster
Zippsbuttonsvelcro · 03/04/2022 21:20

Yes she has SparklingLime . We arranged that when hospital discharged her. They said they could only offer this 6 week rehab package then we’d have to find carers etc if further help was needed. When she broke her other hip, they came and fitted another stair rail and gave her some mobility aids. She has one of those buttons for emergencies on a string round her neck.

OP posts:
SparklingLime · 03/04/2022 21:25

Ah, OK. If she doesn’t need personal care then a ‘personal assistant’ might be more appropriate than a carer.

Original poster
Zippsbuttonsvelcro · 03/04/2022 21:28

Leah2005 I am hoping it is the painkillers. GP said she can only reduce them slowly due to side effects of withdrawal.

AnneBrontesaurus, I visited for a few hours yesterday and sat with her and she was much more engaged. She ate a role and marmite, 4 prunes, 1 slice of bread. When I rang later she had eaten a fruit pie. That was the most she’d eaten for 6 days and I could tell she was only doing it to keep me happy. Today she has had much less. She has also been going up to bed at 5.30 in the evening for the last few weeks which is ludicrously early (don’t think she falls asleep till later).

OP posts:
LostForWords2021 · 03/04/2022 21:32

That's ok, her bed is safe and warm
Much better than falling asleep on a chair

Does she have a safe alarm on her?

Original poster
Zippsbuttonsvelcro · 03/04/2022 21:36

Yes, she has a safe alarm LostForWords. I just hope she’d use it in an emergency as she hates asking for help / feeling she’s inconveniencing people.

OP posts:
AnneBrontesaurus · 03/04/2022 21:37

Zips, is there a church you could get involved? some kind of befriending scheme?

Just thinking about this from the other end. You don't necessarily need to know the cause if she will eat in company.

Was her local area area good at helping the elderly during lockdowns? There may be people who volunteered then who would still like to help out.

Flyingbymypants · 03/04/2022 21:39

Could she have had covid?

Cocolapew · 03/04/2022 21:39

Loss of appetite was the first sign that my Dad had cancer, he totally lost it, ate nothing at all until he was put onto steroids.
My Mum has now lost hers, she wasn't a massive eater to begin with but I think it's still shock and grief.
I know what you mean about giving up, I think my mum would be happy to die now.
I hope you can get to the bottom of it Flowers

LostForWords2021 · 03/04/2022 21:41

@Zippsbuttonsvelcro

Yes, she has a safe alarm LostForWords. I just hope she’d use it in an emergency as she hates asking for help / feeling she’s inconveniencing people.
Bless you, I appreciate how tough it all is

Keep posting OP

strawberriesandraspberries · 03/04/2022 21:41

I think I would arrange for someone to go into her at least once a day. If she doesn't need help with care then just to check on her. SS won't do anything unless she has savings below 23k (or round about that amount) if she's over that amount, you will need to sort someone yourself. If she is still not eating in a couple weeks I would push with the doctors to run some tests as something could be going on somewhere, doctors can be reluctant to do these tests though for the elderly unfortunately.

Original poster
Zippsbuttonsvelcro · 03/04/2022 22:11

No, she hasn’t had Covid. She barely sees anyone. Anne this is what upsets me slightly. She and my dad were very active in the local church before he became ill. They would go every week, run people everywhere and anywhere, go hospital visiting, run church groups etc etc. Since a month after my dad died, no one has seemed interested at all on checking in my mum. She has had much more help / concern from non-church neighbours and acquaintances. I actually tried to get in touch with the vicar yesterday. She has done so much for other people, but now she is frail, ‘the church’ has deserted her.

Thanks Cocolapew and LostForWords.

strawberries, yes I will be firmly onto the doctors if things don’t pick up soon. They missed my Dad's illness and didn’t run tests until I insisted. Just kept giving him abx without investigating cause. Mum did have the full battery of blood tests in hospital 6 weeks ago, but they were all okay then. I will definitely try to arrange for an agency to visit 3 times a day. It’s just they all seem to have waiting lists.

OP posts:
7catsisnotenough · 04/04/2022 10:50

Hi @Zippsbuttonsvelcro, I'm sorry to hear about your mum. We're currently in a similar position with MIL, she's post stroke, physically fine but cognitively not good. She completely lost her appetite whilst in hospital and it's been a struggle getting her back to eating again. A PP mentioned leaving little nibbles out, that's worked for us (cheese and crackers) and we also used Fortisip.

If your mum is on a 6 week reablement scheme there should be a meeting around the 5 week mark to discuss what support is needed going forward. Try calling her contact at reablement and asking, they have to do a final report so should have the information to hand for you. You may then need to get an Adult SW involved to organise assistance for the future.

Happy to help if you have any questions, it's a lot to deal with 💐

Wishimaywishimight · 04/04/2022 11:19

OP, i don't want to frighten you but my dad had similar symptoms, became increasingly exhausted to the point he was spending much of the day lying in bed. His appetite almost vanished, he was eating maybe half a slice of bread, perhaps a piece of fruit each day. Would shiver with cold despite wearing several layers. This went in for a few weeks, the GP was useless so we got him referred to a consultant privately.

Sadly he turned out to have advanced lymphoma. We were stunned as he had no pain and no other major symptoms (apart from itching). Please get your mum properly checked out and hopefully it's nothing serious.