Took Dad to a care home yesterday. Today he has asked me to take him home.

[spababe]

Only child and have been doing some of the caring for my DD. Carers were going in morning and evening and I was doing lunches, shopping, finances etc.
He said he would try a care home as we thought he would better to have someone on hand all the time. I'm not far away but I hate the responsibility. Plus if I want a 'day off' or any kind of short break holiday, he is not keen on carers doing lunch as they don't do it the way he is used to and basically he wants me.
He's been in the care home 24 hours. He's having to isolate in his room to begin with because of covid (he tests negative but those are the rules atm). He's messaged me to say that he has no hot water so hasn't shaved and he's refused to eat supper and he wants me to go and get him and take him home.
Tricky because I have obvs cancelled all his normal carers and also I have to move a uni son into a new flat tomorrow.
Dad is very upset and I'm in tears. I have no idea what to do.

Settling into a care home is hard enough at the best of times, but being isolated in his room? For how long?

It couldn't be a worse time for someone to go into a home. Especially if they don't have dementia. I can't imagine what it must be like for new residents. They're basically prisoners in their rooms.

The problem is that now it's gone wrong, he's not going to give it another go. And why would he? I wouldn't.

Would he consider a housing place where he has his own flat - usually a bedroom, bathroom, sitting room and kitchen- own front door etc but there is care in the building for when he needs it. My aunt and uncle moved into a place like this and loved it. They had their privacy, space, belongings but help on hand.
There was a communal lounge, a garden and they had games evenings, trips out etc but if you didn't want to go no one got upset. He could come and go from the building as he pleased, did their own shopping and cooking and my aunt, who needed some care, had that available. After she died he stayed and as he began to struggle the carers were there to help him- baths, did his laundry, helped him dress, made sure he had meals and took his meds.
It was really nice actually.

It is a shame that he's back home again, but it must be hard for you.

We will have this at some point. My mum has dementia, dad is not coping well and both are reistant to either getting help or moving to a care home. It is inevitable that a care home is in my mum's future and I am furious with my dad that he keeps feeding such a negative view of them to my mum. I imagine that I will be in our situation in a few months/years op.

your situation.

Step back. Don't answer the phone. Give him social services number for any 'emergencies' and wait for the crisis.

Is there an option for him to go to a Local Authority extra care flat? My mum moved from a nursing home to an extra care flat that has a carers' office downstairs. It's not just for elderly people. People are there for all sorts of reasons. My mum has her independence, but as well as having a number of arranged calls every day (she's paralysed down one side after a stroke so needs full personal care and meals prepared/shopping done etc) she can call them any time 24/7 as they're just downstairs.

I'm not local to her, but my brother is, and needs to do very little other than visit her.