When should we think about future proofing our housing

[doodleZ1]

Just been wondering recently through issues with father-in-law and getting older ourselves. I know there is no magic age, and it will depend on lots of variables but what age approx should people start to make plans to move house or future proof their own house. To avoid being in a house that is no longer suitable and requires too much effort by relatives to help you stay there. My father-in-law is nearly 88. He can't cope in his house with an upstairs toilet and too many stairs to his front door. We wanted him to move a few years ago but it's too late now, suddenly he has severe health issues and there's no way he can move now. He's too old, too tired. So my question is when should we all think about moving if the house doesn't fit older age? We can't wait till it's too late.

From experience, the honest answer is:
Before you either need, or want, to move!

It is so hard. My parents didn't want a shower putting in, but my mum hasn't been able to use the bath for two years now. Thankfully, they do have a downstairs toilet, but the house is less and less suitable and, like your FIL, they are now not prepared to move although they always said they would 'when the time came'.

That's an interesting one. I think it depends on too many variables to have one clear age that is the same for everyone. We're late thirties/early forties and when having the house redone put a shower room downstairs: basically if one of us breaks our legs or for any reason can't navigate the stairs we can fit a bed in the small 'office' and be self-contained. We did jokingly say that was us sorted for old age too.

By contrast, my parents are late seventies with some health issues and I feel like now would be a good age to consider moving but they don't seem interested. Their house is a bit too big for them, the garden is always overgrown but my dad doesn't want to pay someone to care for it. Some essential maintenance tasks are being ignored. My in-laws who are actually younger looked at a really nice apartment a few years ago: would have been future-proofing, but in the end they felt too young to give up their garden. But their logic was, move somewhere central with great transport links so they could use their car much less and so wouldn't miss it if they had to stop driving, and get there while they were young and active enough to get to know their neighbours and the area.

For me I think the main things are: accessible public transport (if you have to give up driving) was to navigate stairs (this may not be an issue if all you need is installing a stair gate when the time comes) and a house/garden that is a manageable size. We've both said we think we could see out our days in this house: its a very short walk to shops, really excellent public transport links, great neighbours we know. But then you never know what specific challenges may come up.

I will say: I think planners often get this wrong. When you're having kids/have kids at school is when you often get to know other people, so you can be reluctant to leave an area: I always think it would make so much more sense to have accessible apartments built in longstanding residential areas so people can get a more suitable house without having to abandon their whole network.

I think that's the issue, we all think we will can move when the time comes but by then we are too set in our ways. So it really is moving before we need to. But when, 5 or 10 years before? Is 70 too late? I agree re local apartments. There are private retirement flats all around here, though that seems for real old age as according to what I've read most residents are late 70s or more. I imagine by then I won't want to move just the same way as I could do with decorating but can't be bothered at the moment! Certainly I don't want to do anything that means my boys are as stressed as we are with both sets of parents, who seem to think that all their issues can be offloaded to their children at no cost to their kids lives.

My aunt moved when she was in her sixties to much laughter in the family. They aren't laughing now, it was a sound move. Her view was that she wanted to move while she was still young enough to get out and about and establish a social network.

I will be moving before I've given up the car. The rural bus schedule here is infrequent enough except sometimes they don't turn up at all. I would like to be in the middle of a town where I have good transport options and a range of local services I can get to without a car. No garden, an accessible toilet and ideally walking distance to the library.

Both grannies have refused to move and we are now dealing with the consequences of their damn stupid decisions.

My DPs did it at 65. I think for DM is was years of having to be involved in caring for her own DPs in their completely unsuitable house that prompted it.

I think the when depends a lot on how people are doing health wise.

My parents are mid 70 and still very fit. They are not planning to move yet and tbh there is really no need.
My gran moved to a flat when she was early 80s, not long before she had to stop driving.
My other grandfather stayed where he lived until he died, aged 98yo. Granted there was no stairs in the house but he needed to drive to get a shop!

my parents moved to a smaller house at 70ish and my grandparents did similar. both moves worked very well & let them keep a social network but have a smaller easier house & garden to grow old in.

I've never been one to think that people should have a 'forever house' - you need different houses at different stages of life, and moving at the right time can be a good way to renew & reflect (and get rid of junk).

@Knotaknitter

My aunt moved when she was in her sixties to much laughter in the family. They aren't laughing now, it was a sound move. Her view was that she wanted to move while she was still young enough to get out and about and establish a social network.

I will be moving before I've given up the car. The rural bus schedule here is infrequent enough except sometimes they don't turn up at all. I would like to be in the middle of a town where I have good transport options and a range of local services I can get to without a car. No garden, an accessible toilet and ideally walking distance to the library.

Both grannies have refused to move and we are now dealing with the consequences of their damn stupid decisions.

Yes as opposed to moving at an age where they are unlikely to be doing anything other than being cloistered inside their house all day. I'm thinking perhaps mid 60s. While I have the strength and energy to move and can control where I move to. Once I'm 70 I can see stubbornness coming in, and my dads favourite saying "we are not at that stage yet". Thing is when he was at that stage he had no carers and it was a bit of a mess.

@Knotaknitter

My aunt moved when she was in her sixties to much laughter in the family. They aren't laughing now, it was a sound move. Her view was that she wanted to move while she was still young enough to get out and about and establish a social network.

I will be moving before I've given up the car. The rural bus schedule here is infrequent enough except sometimes they don't turn up at all. I would like to be in the middle of a town where I have good transport options and a range of local services I can get to without a car. No garden, an accessible toilet and ideally walking distance to the library.

Both grannies have refused to move and we are now dealing with the consequences of their damn stupid decisions.

Your aunt sounds like a very sensible woman. Kudos to her.

I'm 52 and working full time. I have no downstairs loo. I have slight arthritis in my knees. I intend to buy a flat as soon as dd buys her house, probably within 5 years. I will still be working full time then.

I have moved to my forever home now. I moved because I felt vulnerable coming downstairs in the mornings so now I am all on one level and life is much easier. I also moved area (within the same county) and so am enjoying meeting people here. As I am getting close to retirement it will be good to have a strong social network built up while I am healthy.

Apparently, once someone has dementia, moving anywhere is a very bad idea. It can exacerbate a decline. Sadly we only know this from in-laws deciding to move & it's not done mil any good at all.

We're moving at retirement, 55/60 latest. We're looking at houses with capacity for downstairs living. We may start bigger than we eventually need, as we want a garden and some space, but won't compromise on a downstairs bathroom and potential bedroom. We may not stay there until we are infirm, but I had a health scare a couple of years ago and want all bases covered!

You really never know. My parents are in their 80s, and have been stuck (housebound) in their completely unsuitable house for years past the point when their lives would have been vastly improved by moving.

They should have done it when my father became disabled in his mid-60s; what seemed like a daunting prospect and an emotional wrench then only became harder and eventually impossible as the years went on.

My father has now had to move into a nursing home, but if they had moved somewhere with totally level access and an adapted bathroom earlier, he might still be managing with care at home.

I know one very fit and active couple who moved into a retirement apartment when they were in their mid/late 60s and they said it was the best thing they ever did. My MIL moved into a bungalow in her late 70s, after FIL died, and again it has been absolutely the right choice.

By my 70s at the latest I plan to be somewhere with at least one bedroom and bathroom on ground level (or a flat with a lift) and local amenities accessible within a short walk/ride in a mobility scooter, and public transport nearby.

I think once the DC have flown the nest and we can downsize although it sadly means it would be very difficult for most or all to come back and visit for a big family reunion once we do move.

You don't need amazing public transport just accept you need to use Uber/mini cabs.

Getting a lift installed can work really well too better than a stair lift and much cheaper than they used to be.

Currently wrestling with my mother having made a completely sensible move at 84 and she absolutely HATES it and her only desire is to get back to where she left.

Im planning to move when i retire. I loathe gardening so my plan is a flat with a balcony about a mile from where I currently live. But probably I'll find reasons to put it off.

Dm moved into a bungalow recently. Her old house was unmanageable, but she's finding her new house equally so. Moving was impossibly hard. Downsizing impossibly hard. Squeezing her furniture in- impossibly hard.

She needed to replace the bathroom and kitchen, but obviously that's impossibly hard too

When me and dp bought our house together a few years ago we decided then to look for a home that would last. We are now early 50s but have seen our parents struggle with ridiculous size houses in bad locations.
Our house has downstairs and upstairs bathrooms, our office can become a downstairs bedroom, we are two minutes walk to the bus stop to the town centre and five minutes level walk to the small supermarket.

Probably 70s here. Ideally to a small bungalow with a small courtyard style garden. In a village with a decent bus service but utilising delivery services.

This is something I am thinking about a lot for my mum, uncle and brother, my dad died in his 50's at the end of last year and my parents house is big. My grandad also died around the same time and my uncle was a live in carer but not good at looking after a house and garden, his own flat is a health hazard. Mum lives in a place that's not got the most amenities or public transport and can't drive. My uncle is talking about moving near her but that's another person who can't drive and it's miles away from me and I can't drive either so I can't help easily at all.

Moving out of london (where I live and grew up) in their early 50s seemed like a great idea till grandparents got sick and they couldn't visit easily and now she's on her own with my disabled brother.

Realistically moving back to london and moving my uncle to a more manageable property nearby makes sense but no one wants to hear that and mum doesn't want to leave but I don't want her to do something permanently make a move back impossible.

There's dementia in the family so moves have to happen before that gets awful, and my brother cannot be moved around loads because he won't cope.

DH is late 70s. We're not moving yet. We need the space we have here for the activities we're involved in, I'm passionate about my garden and not ready to give it up (though prepared to have a gardener to do the boring bits). I still have life to live!

On the other hand, we have a bus stop opposite, a train station a mile away, nearby shops. We already worked out how we can fit a lift, and we're planning to convert the downstairs toilet to a wet room. And the house is large enough for a live-in carer, something that my father's downsized house isn't.

My father downsized and moved near to us when he was 83; until then he'd been living in the house he'd had built when he got married. Once he moved, he threw himself into the local community, to the extent that one of his organisations made him an Honorary Life Member. He managed to live independently, but with increasing support from me, until he was over 95.

All the sensible talk about downsizing in your 70s, moving into a "retirement flat", feels very different when you approach that age, and I suspect will feel even more different now retirement age has gone up to 67.

I think that for most people if they dont do it before around 70 it will be hard to find the motivation!

Looking at our friends, by the time they decide it's time, it's already too late. Problem is you don't know what you need a lot of the time.

I've come to feel it's pointless unless there's an actual crisis.

Some people do get it right and I aspire to that. My father in law keeps talking about friends of his who've moved to a flat and REGRETTED IT FOREVER. Yes ok mate, I get the message.