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Elderly parents

What do you wish you had got in place earlier?

102 replies

TeenPlusTwenties · 11/01/2021 08:39

My DPs have got 'old' overnight.
Well obviously not, but they have been managing fine in lockdown with our remote support, and have always been independent and self sufficient. Dad (90) was clearing gutters in September, they were doing bonfires etc. Mum (84) is CEV and gets puffed out quickly.

He had to be in hospital unexpectedly for 4 days last week, and it has brought it home to him and us how fragile their 'independent' life is.

They have powers of attorney & wills in place.

But what else?

  • a stair lift as Mum wouldn't have been able to cope if Dad had had to be in bed when he got out?
  • they'll need a weekly cleaner/housekeeper when pandemic lifts a bit to help with cleaning, laundry etc
  • they aren't good with mobile phones, but will be more motivated now as Dad could hardly drive the phone when in hospital
  • downstairs bathroom would be good but complicated to arrange, especially right now. Dad drew up plans 2 years ago but Mum didn't want to...

Should we set up for online banking and organise so my DB or I can do it? Or should we encourage getting the POA going now to do it formally?

What are the stupid small things that are a pain to organise at a rush from a distance but with a bit more time would be easy?

We last did this 15 years ago with PIL, but we could see them weekly, and they had already downsized to a bungalow. Plus we were younger, not in a pandemic and didn't have children then.

OP posts:
TeenPlusTwenties · 20/01/2021 16:11

This thread seems to have taken on a life of its own, which is fine by me. Thank you to everyone who has contributed their experience & words of wisdom.

My DPs have the older EPA it turns out, and according to the gov website we can start using it whenever and only need to register it when they no longer have capacity.

Our immediate crisis is over, we are just now slowly nudging on things they will need to accept. Getting the timing right is so tricky, not wanting to take over, but not wanting to leave things too late.

Dad was apparently using the lathe in his workshop yesterday, so he is definitely on the mend. Grin

OP posts:
JiltedJohnsJulie · 20/01/2021 16:39

Dad was apparently using the lathe in his workshop yesterday, so he is definitely on the mend

So glad your DF is on the mend Thanks

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