Narcissistic Mother

[LondonMrsA]

I’m writing this as a silent scream. If no one reads it or comments I won’t be disappointed. I simply need to get this out into the universe like an emotional vomit. Once I’ve purged, I might feel better.

I hate my mother. I had a horrible childhood. My parents divorced when I was 17. I then lived with my lovely grandparents for a year.

I have hundreds of stories about this cold, manipulative narcissist.

She’s now 78. She’s been ill for years. She won’t sell the family home because she has promised it to my brother (he already has his own home too).

Recently her lies and spiteful behaviour have escalated. I think her illness is making her even more bitter and angry.

My brother is her Carer. He doesn’t do it very well but I’m grateful nonetheless.

I have recently found out some of the lies she has been telling people about me. They’re the sort of things you might say about someone you absolutely detest - not the daughter who treats you with kindness, affection and respect and helps you financially.

Basically, I’m a good Actress. I’m lovely to my Mum because my behaviour is a reflection on me, not her. These latest revelations have broken my heart all over again.

If I’m honest - I wish she would hurry up and die.
Thank you for letting me vent.

Thank you for this post, everything in it I could have written. I have no real words of advise as I only recently realised that I am the scapegoat. Last week after 45 years of it getting to me, I finally said enough was enough. I haven't contacted my mother all week and I visited my father who is in a care home and didn't go to visit her. Now I feel guilty, feel afraid she will find out I visited. Typically feelings I guess from someone who has always been bullied by her mother. But on the other side of that I also feel why could I have just gone and visited or ring her today to see how she is and be kind as she lives on her own. But I felt so sick last week with it all and my own family have all told me I have to break the cycle. In fact now I am the problem not her as I know she won't change but I keep expecting her too. I am beginning to feel you cannot win but I guess when you feel like that you have to recognise if you are trying to change yourself it does take time after a life time of emotional abuse. Awful to feel as you reach middle age that your mother has such a powerful negative effect on you . I just wanted to say Thank you and take care everyone. As my lovely brother tells me and he is a psychologist - if you continue to pick a scab on your knee, it bleeds. Stop picking the scab. Now just to heed that. Take care everyone.

I have a narc mother and a spineless/anything for a quiet life father. Before finding Mumsnet I had a friend that went LC or NC with some of her family and it was such an eye opener. I had never contemplated it before and was a revelation. I have now since being on here the last 2/3 years have realised what and why she is like she is, and my father also. But it took me till 8 years ago, I was about 35 and my eldest was 5. I was tying myself in knots all the time over things. If I do this, what will she do or say this time. And if I didn't take her advice on something she was always annoyed as she was always right. And I just had this sudden moment. Literally like a switch had gone on. She will NEVER be happy with what I do or say. So at least one of should be and that should be ME. I tried to tell her how I felt and she turned it onto me and played the victim. So I walked out and haven't looked back. My father although knowing how she was for lying and her ways, heard her version and went with that. So thats been it mostly for 8 years. OP, before and after I did this, people would say to me, oh but you only have one Mum. And I would in the end, just say, yes but she isn't nice like yours. It is so satisfying to realise that just because someone is a blood relative doesn't mean you have to put up with their crap. And as I also realised, and now go by, "just because I have a different opinion to you, doesn't make you right" Good luck and keep us updated