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Elderly parents
Original poster

LPA - can I refuse to be attorney?

54 replies

BatshitCrazyWoman · 17/12/2019 14:04

My parents drew up their LPAs nearly 10 years ago. I'm an only child so they made me attorney. Didn't really ask me .... I was pretty low contact with them - and really don't get along with my father. My circumstances were very different then - I was (unhappily, although they didn't know that) married to a high earner, didn't work as had a disabled DC. Parents lived an hour and a half away. I had a long, acrimonious divorce, was made homeless. All very traumatic. I'm coming out of it now. I work full time, long hours and an hour long commute.

My mother died about 5 months ago and my father is increasingly frail, and has fallen a lot - just been discharged from hospital with a care package. I don't visit - I'm low contact for good reasons (won't go into them here). The social worker asked if I had POA. I have realised that I don't want to be his attorney. I'm already running my disabled DCs life, including care and health decisions and finances, so I don't have time for a start. And I don't want to.

Do I have to do anything to 'resign' from this?

OP posts:
GrumpySausage · 17/12/2019 14:12

Yes you can disclaim. You need to contact the Office of the Public Guardian for guidance on how to do it. Also check out their website which is very helpful.

Original poster
BatshitCrazyWoman · 17/12/2019 17:30

Thank you Grumpy I've found the form I have to fill in on their website.

OP posts:
AutumnRose1 · 28/12/2019 10:54

How did they do that without you signing? That’s shocking.

You also need to inform social services that you won’t deal with anything, otherwise they’ll keep chasing you.

Parahebe · 29/12/2019 18:46

@AutumnRose1 the OP must have signed the forms originally, but I think she means it wasn't really discussed and she wasn't asked, it was just expected.

Glad you have found the form on the OPG website to disclaim, OP. I'm LPA for my mother and I did subsequently regret agreeing, so I can understand how you feel.

Original poster
BatshitCrazyWoman · 30/12/2019 17:45

Yes sorry it wasn't discussed and I wasn't asked, but if I had been I was deep in the FOG and wouldn't have said no!

Father is.now in a care home for respite, and may well stay there (suspected dementia). If he does I might be his attorney so I can get the house sold quickly. Not sure what I'm supposed to do to invoke it either !

OP posts:
GrumpySausage · 30/12/2019 19:22

If the LPA hasn't been registered yet, you will need to send it to the office of the Public Guardian with the necessary forms to do so. The website has these. There is a fee to do so (£85? ) and registration takes approx 10 weeks. So bear this tike frame in mind if there is a house sale involved, it will have to be registered first.

If it had already been registered, you will need to present it to the banks/financial authorities that your dad has accounts with.

The LPA will be stamped to say if its registered or not.

Give the OPG a ring if you're unsure. Their helpful advisors will happily talk you through the process.

Original poster
BatshitCrazyWoman · 31/12/2019 08:08

Thank you Grumpy that's helpful. I have various bits of paper from the OPG but I'm wondering if my father has the registered PoA - is that likely? Not sure when I can get there to look. If I disclaim, I'm presuming SS take over? I'm still a bit unsure what to do, which is overlaid with massive resentment Sad

OP posts:
GrumpySausage · 31/12/2019 08:25

Yes it is possible your father has the LPA. If you can't find it and it has been registered, the OPG will have a copy of it which you can request a certified copy of. This can be used in place of the original.

And yes if you don't have an LPA, SS will make decisions on his behalf if he is deemed not to have capacity.

Being an Attorney isn't easy. Ive had family members who have done it and there is a lot of emotions involved. I hope you find a resolution to it all.

Original poster
BatshitCrazyWoman · 31/12/2019 08:39

Thank you. I think the combination of resentment, dislike of my father and my lack of time to be on top of my own life admin mean it's not a good idea for me to do it. I'd have to use very precious annual leave to do most of it too.

OP posts:
RhinoskinhaveI · 03/01/2020 10:27

Surely if you dislike your father the last thing he would want is for you to have LPA? I have this for my father and I also have no idea what is involved😳
does it mean that if they come to me and say 'shall we switch off his life support' I can say yes or no?

Original poster
BatshitCrazyWoman · 03/01/2020 18:16

There's no-one else, Rhino.

There are two types of PoA - one for finance and the other is for health.

OP posts:
RhinoskinhaveI · 04/01/2020 10:09

Oh I were, thanks😊, I wonder what happens if you just make a complete hash of it and don't really know what you're doing?

Orangeblossom78 · 04/01/2020 15:31

On the house sale- it may be easier for some things to have it, I heard. Maybe it would be best to get advice from a specialist

GrumpySausage · 04/01/2020 18:30

As a pp says it would be useful to have for the house sale. If your father is deemed to have lost capacity, and there is no lpa in place a deputyship order from the court of protection will be required which is a lengthy and expensive process. If a family member isn't able to apply for one, local authorities can make the application but as I say it is a lengthy process and can cause house sales to fall through.

To the pp who asked if a health and welfare lpa allows the person to make the decision to turn off life support, not necessarily. Medical professionals will always have the final say however if the medical professionals believe that is in the persons best interest, they will advise the attorney of this.

There is a lot of advice and guidance from the Office of the Public Guardian. They are the regulatory body who register and monitor the use of LPA's and deputyship.

Sorry to hijack your post OP, I hope you are able to come to some resolution and handle the emotions you are experiencing. Flowers

Orangeblossom78 · 07/01/2020 08:44

I happened to be looking into P o A for my dad also, like you OP I don;t want to take it on. It said something about a Guardianship order or some such for one off decisions, maybe could check that out. Although might be more hassle not sure. Not easy is it

MereDintofPandiculation · 07/01/2020 09:33

@Orangeblossom78 - why don't you want to take on being an attorney - which bit of it is worrying you?

Orangeblossom78 · 07/01/2020 09:58

I did a post here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3786865-Not-doing-Power-of-attorney

Grinchly · 07/01/2020 10:11

I have PoA for my difficult elderly mother whose finances are complicated.

I've just sold her house as she is now in care.

The whole process was beyond stressful as each institution has slightly different requirements. Proving ID was hard when setting up accounts with places she hadn't previously banked with, as she had no photo ID.

I also did it for my Dad, but that was far more straightforward.

I will never agree to do it again for anyone, so don't feel bad about standing down.

Orangeblossom78 · 07/01/2020 10:15

What happens if SS ask and we refuse? Do they take it on then?

MereDintofPandiculation · 07/01/2020 11:44

@Orangeblossom78 Ah, yes, I did read that. I have difficulty remembering which user name fits which set of problems!

You know there's two types of PoA? Finance PoA can be set up to come into effect only if your father loses competence (in which case its main benefit is to those arranging care, because they can get hold of money if needed), or before he loses competence (eg to look after his savings for him). I can see why you wouldn't want to get sucked into looking after his money while he's still capable of doing it himself.

Health and Welfare PoA only comes into effect after he's lost competence. No need for that if you are happy to trust SS and NHS to work in his best interests.

And I understand why you wouldn't want to take on any of it.

Soontobe60 · 07/01/2020 11:52

OP, if the POA had been registered you would have received a letter to tell you this. TBH, if I were you I'd want to be the attorney .
From a practical POV, when your DF passes away it will all fall on your shoulders anyway if he doesn't have an executor of his will. The chances are, if he does have a will he may have made you executor anyway. You are his next of kin and despite your feelings for him you will be expected to do some of the donkey work. If his house needs to be sold for care funds, you just direct an estate agent and solicitor to sort it out. The funds will go into your Dfs bank account in which the care home fees will come out of. The when he dies, the remaining money will come straight to you if you are the recipient in his will.
I totally understand your recitence, but on the other hand do you want to see all his estate be eaten up by solicitors fees because you don't want the responsibility?

MereDintofPandiculation · 07/01/2020 11:55

What happens if SS ask and we refuse? Do they take it on then? You mean if SS ask you to take on PoA? They won't. PoA has to come from the person, they'll just ask you if you have it. Health and Welfare: they're required to take decisions in his best interests. Finance - someone will need access to his finances to pay for care. A court can appoint a deputy - I don't know whether Council can instigate this.

Sorry, I see that in Scotland you can cover both Finance and Health and Welfare with a single PoA - although you can still just set up one or the other.

Original poster
BatshitCrazyWoman · 07/01/2020 13:44

Thank you all - I do have a letter saying it's been registered so the actual PoA must be in my father's flat. He does have a will. I imagine I'm executor although I may not be. If he stays in the home (likely) then I will be his attorney to sell the flat etc. It's a retirement flat, not worth much and I think he and my mother did an equity release. The retirement housing scheme requires the seller to pay their admin and legal fees too. I doubt very much there'll be any money to inherit when he dies (I'm not bothered about that at all). I'm going down there in a couple of weeks to see if I can find any of these documents. It's not particularly easy for me to get time off work, and I'm not able to take personal calls at work so any kind of admin is going to be hard for me to do ...

OP posts:
Orangeblossom78 · 07/01/2020 15:03

OP I am NC with my elderly mother and find there is support stuff can be done without contacting them for example Age UK doing a referral to DWP to get someone to help with attendance allowance, or social services can speak to you on the phone, I guess what I am saying is there are ways to do things without much contact /triggering of the past. Maybe the P o A might be useful for you with the financial stuff and with the health / welfare stuff other agencies can do some stuff without you having to get time off / take calls (some of it can even be done on emails these days.) I know mine would rather I did some f this stuff and turned away carers but at the end of the day that is their choice and at least it was tried. Kind thoughts, it isn't easy

Orangeblossom78 · 07/01/2020 15:05

Sometimes copies can be help by these companies so instead of going to see them you can access it in other ways- especially if you have P oA.