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Elderly parents
Original poster

Elderly Aunt advice needed

99 replies

susien777 · 28/03/2018 09:12

Hi all,

I have an aunt who is 86. She lives about 55 miles from me, has never been married or had children.

She is extremely independent and refuses help from anyone. She hoards everything and her house is a shocking mess and it's almost impossible to move around because of this. She keeps newspapers from years ago and when I suggest that I take them for recycling she gets angry and says she's not read them yet. Her kitchen is a health hazard with bags of rotten food that has liquified.
She's not very mobile and can only leave the house if either myself or the neighbour takes her. She struggles to climb the stairs in her house too.
I've suggested she move closer to me in a bungalow so I can help her but she's refused that.
She seems to have diarrhoea on a regular basis and now weighs 6 stone but refuses to see a doctor.
It's making me so stressed and I already have my mum in a care home for end of life care and I'm at my wits end trying to know what to do to help aunt.
Any suggestions would be greats, thanks.

OP posts:
whataboutbob · 19/04/2018 21:47

Sorry that should have read “discharge co ordinator”.

hatgirl · 19/04/2018 21:54

They do whatabout but that doesn't overide a capacitious adult's right to unsafely discharge themselves.

A hospital would have to be absolutely certain that the person lacked mental capacity before they could prevent them from returning home if they wished to.

whataboutbob · 20/04/2018 11:45

Yes, that’s true hatgirl. Still it can’t hurt to have it on record that her home is insalubrious.

Original poster
susien777 · 21/04/2018 20:49

Well I've been and cleaned as much as I could, when to visit aunt in hospital yesterday and they said they were sending her home. They sent her home with a frame for the toilet to help her get up and a frame for around the house.
She went to the toilet and didn't have the strength to use the frame so I had to lift her off the toilet and she's lost all confidence to use the stairs.
Today someone went to visit her from the hospital and she was found on the bathroom floor. They took her to hospital, said medically nothing was wrong and sent her home again.
They phoned me tonight and said they would have people going in regular to check on her.
To me it is insanity. She's unstable on her feet, doesn't have the strength to get herself off the toilet and can barely manage the stairs.
What can I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
susien777 · 21/04/2018 20:56

This is how bad it was

Elderly Aunt advice needed
OP posts:
Fortysix · 21/04/2018 21:16

Would she go into care home now voluntarily for a month's respite care do you think?

PoshPenny · 21/04/2018 21:17

Oh I'm sorry to read your updates. What does your aunt say? How does she feel about being home on her own now she's out of hospital? This doesn't sound good at all, but I'm wondering if you could maybe use it as an opportunity to suggest she might go into a nursing home for a couple of weeks just until she's feeling stronger and more up to living back at home. You never know she might not want to leave once she's in there. If she refuses, well you might be getting closer to the point of invoking the POA.

hatgirl · 21/04/2018 21:20

Hmm interesting,

Any idea who it was that visited her from the hospital?

I'm presuming she has been assessed as having capacity? But has agreed to services?

What does your aunt currently feel about the situation?

annandale · 21/04/2018 21:27

How the he'll was she discharged without an occupational therapy and physiotherapy assessment, including a home visit by the occupational therapist?

I would ring the ward, talk to the junior doctor and arrange a time to speak to the consultant. Say that 'after the failed discharge, given that I hold a power of attorney for my aunt ms x, when was her capacity assessment done for discharge and what was the outcome? Was the person doing the capacity assessment aware of her current living conditions? What was the outcome of the occupational therapy assessment? Have her cognitive scores changed at all over her admissions? Haso the occupational therapist got any advice avoiding falls in the future, given that she has significantly worse trip hazards at home than normal?'

hatgirl · 21/04/2018 21:34

annandale if it wasn't for the fact OP says she has been discharged with a toilet frame and a walking aid I would be thinking that the hospital had rushed her out without going via the therapy teams.

As it is I'm suspecting either she's been discharged on some sort of discharge to assess pathway, or someone has ballsed up a reablement pathway. Or that she's insisted on going home and there has been a rush to put services in.

Certainly wouldn't have been top of my list of candidates to discharge at a weekend, I would be concerned if it transpires that it had been signed off by social services as a safe discharge...

Original poster
susien777 · 21/04/2018 21:34

It was an occupational therapist who came and saw her today after she was sent home by the hospital.
I invoked the power of attorney on Wednesday at my aunts request.

For her safety I believe she needs to be in a home for a while just to hopefully get some strength back.

Her weight is only 6st so she's very small and frail.

OP posts:
Original poster
susien777 · 21/04/2018 21:36

She went in last Monday night, discharged yesterday afternoon and was back in today and out again this afternoon.

OP posts:
wormery · 21/04/2018 22:11

She should have a capacity assessment done, She sounds just like my relative, in and out, failed discharges, few hours home then back in. Finally one sensible discharge co ordinator managed to get her into a 6 week reablement bed, from there she ended up in a carehome, she had capacity but eventually accepted she couldn't manage. She should have an o.t. environmental home assessment and frames are extremely dangerous on the stairs. Does,she have a careline or any safety equipment at home.

Original poster
susien777 · 21/04/2018 22:22

I think she had a mental capacity test and that was fine.

Funding for a home would be self funded so not a problem, the only hurdle would be aunt accepting she needed to go in one, if only temporarily.
She has no careline or safety equipment at home and is totally housebound unless myself or neighbour takes her out.

OP posts:
Original poster
susien777 · 22/04/2018 12:53

Well today a carer went in and found her on the floor again so she's back in hospital 🙁

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 22/04/2018 13:04

Susien777 I so feel for you and your aunt. If she hasn't already had one demand an assessment under the Care Act 2014. She's not safe in her own home currently. It may be possible to make her home safer for her and put a care package in place or it may well be time for her to try a carehome. I know how difficult it is for you.

Original poster
susien777 · 22/04/2018 13:09

Thank you for your reply. Even if they make her house safe she still doesn't have the strength to hardly walk, climb stairs or get up from the toilet so I don't see it's going to be possible for her to live at home.

OP posts:
PoshPenny · 22/04/2018 14:34

Oh susien I'm so sorry to read the latest update, you're absolutely right she isn't safe at home whilst she's like this. Sad it sounds like it's time to find her a bed in a home for a few weeks Flowers

Original poster
susien777 · 22/04/2018 14:46

Your replies are all so kind and informative. Once again I would like to thank you all for taking the time to reply, I really feel at times like this it's good to know what lovely people there are out there.
💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐

OP posts:
tierraJ · 22/04/2018 15:43

If she is discharged again try getting PALS involved- I work as an HCA & off the record I've noticed that everyone is more careful with everything when PALS are mentioned!!

Wish I'd done it when my Nan was still alive as we had to fight to keep her in hospital (she actually couldn't walk, we all work & they were going to send her home shocking!!). Luckily she went to rehab & started walking again. What happened after that is another story.

I think you sound like a very caring & decent relative.
Sorry to hear your mum is so poorly.

Original poster
susien777 · 29/04/2018 17:07

Aunt was discharged again Thursday and the nurse said that as she's been in and out of hospital 3 times within a week that she needs to go for respite care. I found a really nice place and managed to get her in for 11 days. She is due to leave next Monday. What happens then?
She's said she wants no help at home.

I don't feel I can just drop her home and leave. 😱☹️
Staying at the care home is not an option as she's already told me it's not good enough and it's the highest rated one in her area.

OP posts:
Namethecat · 29/04/2018 17:19

Surely social services should be involved with this. Her house is messy/untidy - and therefore a risk to her as she is at risk of a fall ( which obviously she is doing ) As she is elderly, frail and her environment is not good for her welfare then I'd think they have some duty of care.

HollowTalk · 29/04/2018 17:20

I hope you're able to spend time with your mum, too. This must all be incredibly stressful for you.

Aridane · 29/04/2018 18:20

B less you, suzie - you are a lovely person

If you can persuade her to declutter, there are specialist companies that will clear and dispose rubbish in hoarders’ homes

annandale · 29/04/2018 22:36

What do the care home think about her functioning?

Would she wear a pendant alarm?