DF need advice

[Teateaandmoretea]

DF is 71 and widowed. He has been in reasonably good health really up to the last year or so. He smoked (not heavily but even so) from the age of 11 to 65 when he gave up because he was starting to get breathless in some situations.

So he went to the docs last week with a chest infection. He was given antibiotics but he didn't tell the doctor that he'd been having some dodgy symptoms even when well. (Wheezing, coughing, breathless walking uphill). I'd tried to get him to go when he was well but he refused to admit there was a problem. Mum had noticed before she died. I suspect if he goes tomorrow then again he'll just pretend it's all to do with the flu

So wwyd - ring the docs and grass him up? Can I even do that? I doubt he would fancy me going with him but should I start a row about that? It's so bloody hard .

No you can't grass him up, it's his decision what he tells the doctor. I expect the doctor will listen for a wheeze and a cough and will ask him if he ever gets breathless. It's worrying when people we care about are unwell, you can suggest he speaks more openly to the doctor but can't force him and can only go to the appointment with him if he wants you there. Maybe he is frightened he might have something wrong with him, just tell him you care and want him to feel better.

Maybe to talk to him about pneumococcal vaccine. He probably has COPD. Does he exercise? Here's an article about it COPDandexercise .

I disagree you can totally ' grass' him up. He knows you are concerned you can have a conversation with his GP the GP will not be able to talk to you about him but you can pass on concerns. Some times it is very useful to get a clearer picture from family members. It would be up to the GP how they then used the information, It may be that they consider investigations earlier than they otherwise would have done but your father may know no different, or the GP may state that you are concerned and have been in touch.

Of course you can call the GP and mention things that you think he won't. It may prompt them to ask extra questions and do more checks.

Yes, definitely grass him up.

The Dr won't be able to discuss anything with you but should listen and keep it in mind when he sees him.

Grassing him up, he has not broken the law. If you do decide to talk to his Dr then how will he feel, will he be upset and angry or will he be grateful for what you've done. The doctor may well ask if you have permission from him to talk to them.

He knows you are concerned you can have a conversation with his GP

If my children contacted my GP to tell them about my health then I would be incandescent with rage. It's my decision what I tell my doctor and if I choose to be incomplete, then that's my decision. People do not have rights to override adults making decisions, even bad ones, absent mental incapacity.

I too would be absolutely furious if my family rang my doctor, and would file a complaint against the doctor if my health or medical issues were discussed with someone over the phone.

Okay, don't want to upset anyone by sounding flippant but it's pretty serious I think and individual health impacts on the whole family. I'd only be able to pass on info anyway the doctor couldn't discuss it as such. It's bloody difficult though it really is and I don't want to cause offence. Otoh the parent refusing makes me incandescent with rage/despair so the perfectly understandable rage goes both ways.

But thankfully he has been and talked honestly so that is a massive start. Thanks for the exercise link that is helpful. I will Google the vaccine I haven't heard of that before. And my fingers crossed that if it is COPD he can get it as under control as possible which ultimately is up to him anyway.

And actually short reflection tells me I probably used the word 'grass' because it felt wrong to me.