Elderly parents
My Mum never asks, enquires, seems interested in my life
paganmolloy · 22/08/2017 15:08
She will ring me up to tell me stuff as soon as she hears about it e.g. my brother dropped in for a visit or other brother called and he is doing such and such, that an old friend phoned her. She will also say 'other things to tell you' and it will be really mundane stuff as she works her way through the list she keeps, just to tell me. She will never ask about what I'm up to. Best example is when I get back from holiday and ring her. First thing she says, every time "Is that you back? Nice time?" then it's bang, straight into what information she can give me about anything.
paganmolloy · 22/08/2017 15:58
I also meant to say that we get on fine and I visit every week but I get miffed when she just doesn't enquire about my life whilst offering up in great detail, info on everyone else's. When she is done, she'll finish up with 'well not much else to tell you' but still doesn't ask anything of me or my family.
Viewofhedges · 22/08/2017 18:10
That's my dad. I could be climbing Everest next week and he'd be far more interested in the birds in his garden. Still. I gave up expecting him to change years ago and in some way now I see it as him loving me regardless of what I'm doing (because he never knows what that is). My mother on the other hand (they're divorced) would happily fit me with permanent web cam. She wants to know everything and I can't for the life of me understand why she finds any of it interesting.
paganmolloy · 22/08/2017 18:57
I think she is lonely but when I've asked that, she denies it as says she's alone but not lonely. But then goes on to say how the weekends drag for her. I then offer to pick her up on Saturday, take her into town, stay for her tea, see the family and then I'd drop her back home later if she doesn't want to stay over but she says no!!!! Apart from my visit and I usually take her out somewhere for shopping or lunch, she doesn't do anything or go anywhere other than driving half a mile to supermarket. I can get that she's set in her ways and at 88 not likely to change, but she's never been interested in whatever I do even when she was younger, fitter and my Dad was alive and they socialised more. Even the most basic etiquette would suggest that it's polite to show interest in whoever you are talking to.
FaFoutis · 11/10/2017 14:52
Me too. Never a question about me and if I volunteer information it is either met with silence or talked over. I don't bother trying any more, but she doesn't talk much in general so it is bloody awkward. At least your mother has a list of subjects pagan, mine says very little unless prompted.
I wonder if my mother is just like this with me or with others too, if so her social skills are terrible. Obviously the lack of interest makes me feel like shit (and always has), but it has also shown me how not to treat people in a conversation. I think I'm a good conversationalist and interested in other people thanks to this.
DaughterDrowningInJunk · 11/10/2017 14:56
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DaughterDrowningInJunk · 11/10/2017 15:00
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DaughterDrowningInJunk · 11/10/2017 15:09
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ExConstance · 24/10/2017 14:13
And me. Whilst my cousin's hip operation and her neighbour's holiday are sources of endless fascination to her and the topic of most of what she said to me this week it is sadly the case that my holiday, work and my children's activities are of no interest at all.
oldguygirl · 25/10/2017 08:58
Me too. I've been very unwell and it feels like he doesn't care. Never ever rings me, even when my very ill (dementia) mother is in hospital. I have been making a point not to call him and when I called after 3 weeks all he said was he had been worried that I hadn't called him- not enough to bloody ring me then. When I said I hadn't been well (again not that he remembers what's wrong with me) he just turned it round saying that he hadn't felt well either. Typical emotionally blackmailing narcissistic behaviour ....
WhatHaveIFound · 25/10/2017 09:15
My mother has zero interest in me or my life. Not a function of old age- has always been like that. She has no idea who I am or what my likes and interests are
^ This is my mum too. She's forever going on about what a great job/house/life my sister has and the achievements of my niece & nephew but fails to show any interest in me and my kids 
MoreCheerfulMonica · 25/10/2017 09:20
My mother also tends to be like this. She's lonely and spends a lot of time brooding, so when I see her (which I do regularly) I mostly have to listen to a monologue of complaints. She rarely asks how I am, but if she does and I mention my ill health, she turns it into top trumps by insisting that she's more ill. It's exhausting.
Rudedog · 25/10/2017 09:24
MIL was like this and one of DHs brothers is exactly the same.
The irony being he complained about MIL being like that.
For decades he had given DH blown by blow descriptions of his working days, I think he has no idea what me or DH do for a living.
He tells us alll about his children and has zero interest in ours.
They also have the same personality trait that they can't believe you don't have exactly the same likes/dislikes as them.
Some people live in a bubble, or I am starting to think it's just narcissistic behaviour
ememem84 · 25/10/2017 10:09
Mil is like this. Although she now takes zero interest in me. I was interesting for a time when I was the bride to be. Interest then slipped away but came back this year while I was pregnant. Now she doesn’t even acknowledge my existence. She has her grandson.
She’s like this with dh too. When they talk/Skype she goes into great detail about friends relatives etc. Takes no interest in dh/our lives (probably because I’m part of dh’s life). Yet expects us to remember what her friend jeans dogs sisters owner had for dinner 4 months ago...
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