Yes there seem to be a few techniques, like not asking direct questions which require a thought out response. So don't ask whether he would prefer tea or coffee but make a statement. I'm putting the kettle on etc. Oliver James advocates avoiding stress as stress/anger and other emotions will make the confusion worse. So don't correct him if he mistakes you for someone else. I know my mother becomes very upset if, as a formerly very bright person, she is picked up on simple mistakes. My mother is not so bad, but if she gets worse, I can see me following his rather manipulative approach. Perhaps suggesting we are on the way to the golf club rather than being honest and saying we are going to the GP. Trying to put myself in my mother's shoes has really helped. So we go out for a coffee, not lunch. Lunch would involve going to a toilet, and she might get lost, not be able to work the locks/flush etc. She likes the beach as she enjoys just watching babies and dogs.
Its odd though. She was quite depressed during the summer. She now goes out three times a week, and though she does not remember the trips her mood has lifted as if she does not feel as trapped at home as she once did.
MrsMiniver, it sounds like a nightmare. I cant offer any advice, other than to say there is a real satisfaction to be gained from knowing you did the right thing. Have you looked at the Macmillan website. There was quite a lot of advice. Even small things like getting a disabled parking permit, so you/someone can park near the exit at the hospital, can help. You can also get an emergency form of Attendance Allowance, which might help bump up, say, overnight care.
I dont know what it is about brothers. Is there any chance of allocating specific tasks, on the assumption that its not that they are unwilling to do things but that they simply can't figure out what might be done.