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Elderly parents
Original poster

Emigrating and Dmil can't come for 2 years

111 replies

Mosman · 01/05/2012 20:08

And doesn't want to leave her pension, she'd loose 25% of it if she leaves the UK.
She's not in the best of health at the moment and on that basis alone would struggle to gain entry, but that aside its a long trip, she wants to travel in comfort which she/we could not afford but I think she wants us to pay for business class for her whilst we travel cattle class due to her arthritis.
We are definitely going but I'm quite cross with her that her bloody pension is coming before being with her family but if we left her behind what would happen to her if she deteriates is there any provision for those with no immediate family? What are people's experiences with social services etc please ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:31

Really ? It's more concern for an old woman who's pushed everyone she's ever had in her life out of it and now finds herself with just 1 son speaking to her and if he leaves I am concerned what happens to her.
Nobody else is.

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MortenHasNiceShirts · 02/05/2012 19:31

So you're moving abroad and you're expecting your MIL to not only come with you but then live with you in the new country? And also lose 25% of her pension? Hmm

shushpenfold · 02/05/2012 19:35

Mosman - I may have misinterpreted your post but your comments about payment of air travel and of 'I'm quite cross that her bloody pension is coming before her family' does not sound like concern. Having said all that, if she does have only one son speaking to her, she may well come out to you once she realises that it's better to be with family than without (even if it is in a hot, super bug infested place!!Grin)

Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:36

That's one way of looking at it or you could say we've invited her to live in our home, have 75% of her pension to spend on herself instead of paying bills and feeding herself and she doesn't have to be alone.
Hmm

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nulgirl · 02/05/2012 19:36

Why would she want to move across the world leaving her life behind to be close to you when you don't appear to like her very much?

Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:37

No I'm cross about her wanting a business class seat and her main concern upon breaking the news was "oh my pension" hugs money bags to her chest.

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Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:38

In addition to the fact that she'll be up the creek if anything happens to her health wise.

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Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:39

She hasn't got a life nulgirl, nobody fcuking likes her.

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Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:41

The easiest thing in the world would be for me to get on a plane and then listen to her complaints from 12,000 away both of us knowing there's nothing we can do to help her.

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Methe · 02/05/2012 19:44

Maybe she just doesn't want to go with you?

besmirchedandbewildered · 02/05/2012 19:45

My word, have you had a bad day or are you always this grumpy straight-talking? Sounds to me like it is all about you.

Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:47

She's not said that she doesn't want to go, more that she wants all her own way.

I'm venting on here so I'm sweetness and light when I call the sweetie later Grin

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Hebiegebies · 02/05/2012 19:50

Given all you say about her on here, why are you planning on having her live with you? It sounds as if it would be a disaster before you eve pn got off the plane.

My grandparents continued to fly to OZ every other year for 3 months a a time well into their 90's, but travelled business class once they reached 80

Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:57

Because I don't know what would become of her if we left her behind.

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ICutMyFootOnOccamsRazor · 02/05/2012 20:30

My grandmother travels a long way every year to spend the winter months elsewhere - only across the Atlantic, not the Pacific though. She's 96.

She goes upper class on Virgin and I think it's really sensible of her. No way could she manage the journey in coach.

madwomanintheattic · 02/05/2012 20:57

I have to say I can see the mil's point.

There ain't no way I'd be coming to live with you, whether I was 75, 105, or 38 and a freaking millionaire.

You sound extremely selfish.

Is the only reason you want her to live with you because you don't want to her to moan on the phone at some in definable point in the future if she needs you?

It doesn't sound like a great reason to me. No wonder she is trying to get out of it.

You don't even know if she can emigrate, at her age and health. What on earth are you thinking?

Can I suggest you actually find out some cold hard facts about how much her health insurance is going to cost, and whether the country will actually have her, before you even get to the point of whether she actually wants to go?

Have you actually thought this emigration lark through properly?

is it oz? Everyone is assuming so?

madwomanintheattic · 02/05/2012 20:58

And being elderly does not remove your right to an opinion.

Especially on something so crucial as which country you fecking live in.

And whether your finances will hold up.

I desperately hope that your son's wife is not so rude and intolerant and disrespectful when she wants to move you out of your chosen country in 45 years time.

Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 21:08

PMSL of course it would be far better if my sons wife thought fuck it the old dear who has managed to so upset her own flesh and blood to the point that they haven't spoken to her in 15 years and the only Christmas card she gets is the one that I write, I'll leave her to stew in her own juices.
The woman is entitled to an opinion but equally she has to realise the implications of her decision which was actually what I was trying to find out before talking to her about her options.
All very well expressing an opinion but if it leaves you all alone in the world it might be something she'll live to regret.

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Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 21:08

We are emigrating with or without her, so yes I've thought it through.

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Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 21:10

Oh and from what I can gather if DH coughs up the other 25% and pays for business class she'd be out there like a rat up a drain pipe so we can't be that bad to live with.

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RabidAnchovy · 02/05/2012 21:12

If she is really so unpleasant that no one likes her, leave her behind and let her get on with it. She is not your problem.

madwomanintheattic · 02/05/2012 21:19

Bon voyage.

Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 22:04

No, you're right she's not.

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Jux · 03/05/2012 09:47

I admire your sense of duty, but the woman is a grown up and has made a decision.

I would not be surprised if she changed her mind when you found that you were not going to cave in, and went without her - business class or not.

Jux · 03/05/2012 09:47

changed her mind when she found .....

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