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Elderly parents
Original poster

Emigrating and Dmil can't come for 2 years

111 replies

Mosman · 01/05/2012 20:08

And doesn't want to leave her pension, she'd loose 25% of it if she leaves the UK.
She's not in the best of health at the moment and on that basis alone would struggle to gain entry, but that aside its a long trip, she wants to travel in comfort which she/we could not afford but I think she wants us to pay for business class for her whilst we travel cattle class due to her arthritis.
We are definitely going but I'm quite cross with her that her bloody pension is coming before being with her family but if we left her behind what would happen to her if she deteriates is there any provision for those with no immediate family? What are people's experiences with social services etc please ?

OP posts:
mercibucket · 01/05/2012 20:16

Not answering the q but while stll in reasonable health can you come out over winter (assuming you are somewhere like oz)

mercibucket · 01/05/2012 20:16

Not answering the q but while stll in reasonable health can you come out over winter (assuming you are somewhere like oz)

Original poster
Mosman · 01/05/2012 20:45

She can but i just wonder how many times you'd want to do that journey at 75 yrs old.

OP posts:
fabulousathome · 02/05/2012 00:14

My grandma's daughter (my aunt) emigrated to Oz. She used to go for 6 month stints to get away from British winter.

Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 12:19

How old was she when she travelled, how long did she manage that for ?

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mercibucket · 02/05/2012 17:41

Mil is 75 and has lots of health probs - she goes to nz once a year for a few months. She seems ok with it

Wrt social services etc I don't know but my great aunt's family emigrated and she was fine, now in care home and 100! House paid for fees at first. She has extended family and church so lots of people who care around her. Family visit once a year but different members each toime

madwomanintheattic · 02/05/2012 17:48

Right, but it's you that's emigrating, not her?

Not sure why you are cross?

Our folks come for weeks or a few months at a time, whenever they feel like it/can afford it. But it was our decision to emigrate, not theirs. (and presumably they would have done so many years ago if they'd felt like it)

The health thing can be a serious issue for elderly travellers. Insurance is extremely expensive.

Have you not checked out whether her health is going to be an impediment to your desire to get her moved?

I'm actually appalled by your attitude, if I'm honest. I can understand it if it's just a way of expressing your guilt at leaving her, but to be bloody annoyed because her health and frailty and finances mean she is making her own decisions about travelling seems really selfish and unnecessary.

Be sad. And help her sort things out. But don't be frustrated with her. She's 75, with arthritis and frail, and her family are leaving.

madwomanintheattic · 02/05/2012 17:51

(she might be posting on gransnet to say that she is bloody cross that dsil is upping and taking her family away, and doesn't understand that she is desperately worried about how to make ends meet if she goes with him, because she will lose some of her pension and become a burden on their family. And actually not sure if they she can even get into the country because of her age and health, but that dsil is adamant that they are going anyway...)

Jux · 02/05/2012 18:06

My gm used to go to stay with one of my aunts who'd emigrated to Oz every winter too. Gm had awful arthritis, and medication was nothing like so good 35 years ago. She found the climate really improved her condition and helped her get through the British summers!

Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 18:29

I'm annoyed because I would like her to come with us and not put her sodding pension before her son and grandchildren. Hope that clears that up.

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Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 18:30

Oh and her pension of a grand a month sterling would be pocket money, we wouldn't want a penny from her she would live with us, but oh no that's not good enough.

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emsyj · 02/05/2012 18:32

Why will she lose pension? Sorry I don't get that. Am really curious, am trying to work out why she would lose out if she leaves the country and I can't fathom it out.

Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 18:33

She's been told her teachers pension is not transferable, if she has that wrong that would be a huge relief she has also been told her old age pension wouldn't increase with inflation if she leaves the UK.
If that's wrong that would change things I'd imagine.
Thank you

OP posts:
mercibucket · 02/05/2012 18:33

I'm guessing it would be frozen

emsyj · 02/05/2012 18:54

I have no idea what would happen if she was outside the EU - am intrigued though! I have never advised on pensions in payment where the pensioner moves out of the country - it's never come up for me in practice (or at least, nobody has ever felt the need to ask for advice about it!)

Interesting - must have a mooch around the teachers' pensions website and try and work it out.

Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:01

I would mind but she's had 20 years out of the the pension, I think she's still up on the deal !

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emsyj · 02/05/2012 19:04

Hm, am guessing it's a tax reason - if she's had the tax relief in the UK but then wants to take her pension income to spend/pay income tax on elsewhere then she might be penalised for that. Just guessing tho.

Do you think she just doesn't really want to go with you and is trying to come up with excuses?

upsidewide · 02/05/2012 19:09

I agree with Emsyj

Perhaps she doesn't want to leave the UK. I live overseas and my parents live in the UK. Whilst they like the idea of leaving the UK when it's cold and damp. I don't think they would want to live anywhere else.

Perhaps the pension thing is an excuse? REally all she wants to do is live out the rest of her life in the UK?

shushpenfold · 02/05/2012 19:14

Erm, if I was 75 and had always lived here I'd be really hacked off if my dc was trying to pressure me in to going. You can make the decision to go but just because your MIL is older, this does not make her decision not to (which I suspect) any less valid.

Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:14

I think you might be right and that's fine providing she'll be ok with her decision in years to come.

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Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:17

Actually thinking back, I'm not sure she doesn't want to leave it's more about it being on her terms which being old you can understand, it doesn't work that way though unfortunately.

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upsidewide · 02/05/2012 19:18

It's her decision, she can always change her mind if at a later date after you have moved and come and join you more permanently (or part of the time).
Good luck with your emigration.

Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:21

Well this is the thing, can she though if her health has deteriorated ? I just would like her to understand that the flight isn't going to get easier, her savings are going to dwindle if she keeps coming back and forth.

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Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:21

And it's all very well being her decision but will she be calling us up telling tales of woe and there's nothing we can do about it from 12,000 miles away.

OP posts:
shushpenfold · 02/05/2012 19:28

You are moving, not her. Your decision to go, not hers. Quite frankly, if she wants to ring you up, unwell, from 12000 miles away, she can and then you have the decision to make. Don't slag her off just because her decision doesn't suit your new lifestyle. Sorry, but you are coming across as rather unreasonable and ever so slightly bullying.

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