its so very hard to see your parents get old

[ssd]

thats it really

my mum is 84, I can't believe she's that old, but when I see her I see every year in her IYKWIM

she's very frail and infirm

I can remember when she could walk aroind with me, she doesn't do that anymore, she clings onto me and walks about 3 metres with a stick

I just wish she could be a gran to my kids, she was a great gran to my older siblings kids but she's too old to do anything with mine, also she's a different woman to the one she was 10 yrs ago

Its not fair, and I absolutely dread it happening to me

hi twenty, are you off somewhere nice too then?!?

glad you're getting your mum sorted out a bit, hopefully it'll make things a bit better, the ot is right of course, but its easier said than done isnt it....

I'm doing ok, trouble with me is that it feels like I've been runnng after my mum sorting out her life for so long, now she's getting a lot more help too I don't know what to do with myself

isn't that daft!

I'd like to retrain or something but in god knows what, also the kids take up most evenings and weekends with their things I still feel way down the list sometimes

Glad to hear you've got a new job, might make Xmas a bit easier eh!

Hi ssd. Re New Year, could you plan to have an outing to somewhere scenic and get in a good walk/fresh air, and then come home and eat nice, easy-to-prepare (even pre-prepared) food from the supermarket? I've done that on plenty of Xmas Days and actually I quite like it. Last year it was just me, DH and DS, and we had a nice time in the end. Very self-indulgent but what the hell.

Hi SSS- thanks for your reassurance! I am a freelancer so I work for clients- this is a new client after a very lean time- which means me dh and ds are going out to the theatre which we haven't done for a while and love. Yes it does help with Christmas etc too.
I really understand what you mean SSd about time- when we do so much if we don't need to what do we do???
Sometimes we have to find us again. A good exercise I came across once said make a list of twenty things you love and try and do one a day- even a nice cup of coffee- a walk or a cuddle with a dc..... What would you love to do?

Just seen this thread. Mum 83 and same as OP. Crying for you and me.
I get so much comfort (and tears) from reading a lovely book my Canadian cousin sent to my kids. Its called Love you forever by Robert Munsch. Makes me remember how my mum continues to give because of all she has done in the past even though she can do so little now.
Hope you can all get a chance to read it. Life changes but love goes on x

hi girls, thanks for nice messages!

gaunyerselhen , that book sounds good, I'll look it up x

Know how you feel dad 80 today somedays I feel so resentful having to do things for him I try not to be and I remind myself one day he wont be here but its still hard. I know how hard it will be when hes not here still miss mum 7 yrs on but I just want my old dad back.

I know toody, we just want our mums and dads to be our mums and dads, not the other way round

Visit went OK this weekend, though mum wasn't at all good - she's now immobile and needs the hoist/sling to get in and out of bed, in and out of an armchair etc. She's not eating much so has gone very thin and frail, and is becoming very incontinent. She recognised me but was very dopey - kept dozing off the whole time. The staff nurse said we were looking at weeks/months, not years, which TBH is a bit of a relief. I have already discussed DNR with the staff and will confirm it in an email tomorrow.

On the bright side, my mum's cousins adored my 2yo DS and he took to them immediately, so he had a whale of a time!

I really feel for you fishandjam. So sorry about your mum. Remember her as she was. Hugs

can only repeat twentyten's post

I hope you enjoy your visit to the US, knowing your mum is in the best hands possible

xx

Have a great time in the states fish and congratulations too - look after yourself.

Hi to everyone else. I'm still trying to get some extra support for mum - homecare have referred her to the rehab team - lady from that is very helpful so hopefully in the new year there will be a bit more support. I get a bit worried about what would happen if I'm not around - trying not to make mum dependent on me but really realising how frail she is.

Also feel a bit bad because we have always really just had Christmas by ourselves and actually really like it and now will have mum - and she hasn't been hugely into Christmas for years. Think actually she'd rather be in her own bed but then I can't have a wee drinky with my sprouts. No doubt will all pan out and I remind myself she is nearly 84. The upside is she is really enjoying all the company and activity in the complex where she now lives and is chattier than she's been for years.

It is easy to get sucked in tho and I have to keep telling myself I can't do everthing - feel a bit panicky when I see the housework/paperwork piling up in my own house. Should probably spend less time on MN .

ssd try your local library for info on courses run locally - I used to do a computer course one morning a week which was good fun and a change of scene. Or an exercise class - it's true what they say about endorphins.

Everyone take care