Hi
I am really worried we are making a complete dog's dinner of our oldest son's education.
He is now in Year 3 at our local state primary.
Before he started school, we always assumed he would be going to private school. At the time we could afford it and simply didn't trust the state system to be up for it.
We visited the local state school anyhow and were of course not very surprised at the much less impressive facilities compared to the prep school.
We live in a beautiful village and literally at the last minute, it occurred to us that maybe it would be nice if our son was part of the local community. The children at the prep school all lived miles away. Then there was also the concern about possible incompatibility with snobby parents (I am sorry, but I am just not like that, though I know not all of them are).
In the end, we decided to give the state school a shot. However, half-way through the Reception year it became clear that he was not progressing at all. He was simply never read with at school or given any attention. His confidence was going downhill all the time. I was pregnant at the time and had builders in. On reflection, he didn't get enough support from us during this time. We of course immediately blamed the state school. We branded ourselves stupid for ever assuming that a state school could be good enough, took him about 6 weeks before the end of Reception and put him into the prep school.
Luckily, he settled really well and we were happy for the moment.
As time went on through Year 1 and Year 2 at the prep school, I grew more and more disillusioned. I could not get on with the other parents (and I am not difficult, but I simply do not get off on labels, fast cars and shopping), the school turned out to be a right Piccadilly circus (our son lost three friends within a few months due to their leaving and there was a constant stream of new starters) and I noticed that his peers at the state primary appeared much happier and progressing well. And then of course there was the money. We had four children in total - a big expense long term, though the other three weren't at school yet.
When it was time for our twins to start school, we did the unthinkable and chose the state school. Then our oldest asked if he couldn't go back to the state school, too. Suddenly, it call seemed to make sense. That we didn't give it enough time in Reception, that he hadn't been supported by us, that we panicked, that we are wasting our money paying for private school when there was a good village state school on our doorstep etc. etc.
So our oldest moved back into the primary half way through Year 2 (and was received with a round of applause from his old mates - went back into the same class) and our twins started Reception.
The twins are doing really great. They are completely different characters to our oldests. Very intelligent and very keen to learn. Our oldest is intelligent, but not so keen to learn - and this is where my dilemma lies now.
He is falling behind in Year 3. I am not at all sure that every day is fully productively spent. I have visions of the children watching lots of TV and just generally drifting. I can see that he is struggling with Maths, though his English is very good. I have asked his teacher and she just brushes my concerns aside, saying all is well. Apparently, other parents at the school have heard those sort of reassurances about their children, only to then be told in Year 6 that there is a big problem.
Now I feel it was a mistake to take him out of the prep school. They would have ironed out any learning difficulties. Now I feel on my own. Should I pay for a private tutor? How can I feel so terribly insecure about the whole thing? I just cannot work out what was/is the best thing to do? I feel I would not be happy in the prep school (where the school day from Year 3 ends at 4.30 pm plus homework, so zero home life, friends, time to go to the park after school etc.). What is childhood all about? Our son is happy at his present school, but is this all at the cost of his education?
Please help me sort my head out.
Thanks for reading my ramble.
Sandra