School offer

[alann]

Can anyone help me make a huge decision? My ds has just been offered place at local private school with some bursary assistance, however, the bursary is less than we had hoped. Ds is really keen to go now after jumping all the hoops in order to get to this stage, visits, entrance exam etc. Problem is, by accepting the offer we will be stretching our family finances to the limit and I'm terrified that we will not be able to sustain the commitment forcing us to revert back to state school at a later date. Love to hear from anyone who has been in similar situation.
Thanks in advance.

How old is your ds? Just thinking how many years of this would you have?

Bear in mind fees go up every year by more than inflation so if it is a stretch now then future years may be impossible.

What state options do you have?

11 yrs old so we are looking at 6 years of poverty, camping holidays if we're lucky! Not in a GS ares so our state option is local comprehensive which has huge classes and more than its fair share of disruptive kids. My ds I'm sure would just coast there and never reach his full potential. We did consider a house move to a better catchment but with the current downturn unlikely to get a sale.

My DD went to a private school on an Assisted Place. Our fees were calculated on our income and as it went up a little the amount we had to pay went up a lot. We had to admit defeat and pulled her out after GCSEs. She went to a state school for 6th form.

I would do it again though, for the good it did her. She didn't have any trouble fitting in to the state school and ended up keeping in touch with all her old friends and making a load of new ones. (she's 24 now and still in regular contact with all of them).

You do have to factor in that the fees will go up (a lot) every year, but it depends what's included. Our school included lunch (of restaurant standard) plus longer hours than state school. There were extras, which again you'll have to factor in (£10 a year to the Old Boys Assoc rather than skiing trips).

Nobody can tell you what to do but just be sure you've looked far enough ahead.

I would go for it if you feel you can do without the family holidays.

Don't go for it if you can't.

FYI poverty means not being able to eat properly from week to week, not having to downgrade holidays to camping ones.

Schools vary in this but some private schools which do bursaries will do their best to give more help to keep children at the school if the family's finances change for the worse. I think if I was in your position I'd try to be brave and ask for a meeting with the head, tell him/her of my fears and see what the reaction is. Not actually asking outright whether they'd offer more money, more trying to gauge whether they were lukewarm or supportive in their attitude.

Well done for getting one! We have just found out we didn't get one. Gutted. However, we did realise that we may have ended up in your exact situation. Personally, I would say go for it. It's an opportunity not to be missed in my book. However, this is easy for me to say now, cos we don't have to fork out after all. (I think).
Good luck with your decision making!!

Will you get help with uniform , trips etc or just the basic fees. Allow at least 10% for "extras".

Thanks so much for all your posts. I am aware that my use of "poverty" was rather loose, my intention was certainly not to offend anyone.
ohtobe4 - Gutted for you, I had been thinking about you. How's your dc taking it? My ds is so keen to go to private now, even although he knows no one there, which is really putting the pressure on. I only work part time self employed so I suppose there is potential for me to earn a bit more by increasing hours if necessary.
Elvislives _ I know all schools aren't the same but did your assisted place not increase at all over the 4 years to take account of rising fees, if not this is what I don't understand, surely it is irresponsible of schools to lead people down the garden path, they must realise that the assistance they are offering is not going to be enough?

Re: uniform and trips, I think we are on our own but still to clarify a few things with the bursar. Good advise with the 10% for extras, I would rather try to save for the trips and go without for myself so he doesn't feel left out of the school activities - am I loving tooo mmuch now?

Some schools' assisted places are a % so therefore the % remains the same every year. Other schools offer £xxx so as the year's go on the % decreases.

I have never had a bill that has just been the school fees. There is always something extra, be it a school trip, 2nd hand jumper after losing one, club one night. All of these things may 'only' (i use the term loosely) £5 a time, but it is easy for these to mount up. And if you are counting the pennies then it is worth bearing in mind.

Personally private school means a lot to me, I know not necessairly for everyone else, so I do all hours I can to pay for mine.

If you are part time, I don't know your circumstances re other children, but bear in mind most private (please check your one) are hours 8.30-16.00 with clubs (usually some free (included) ones) after taking up to 5 or even 6 or even up to 9pm for secondary. You may have the option to work longer hours, without feeling that your dc is being neglected.

HTH.

We only have one ds, which tbh is a lot to do with why we are even considering private ed. Thanks for your advise chocices, I must ask about after school clubs etc, my list of questions are growing for the poor bursar he'll be sorry he ever met us - lol.
If we do decide to accept the offer, would I be correct in saying it would be a bad idea to advertise the fact he has assisted place as I told lots of parents are very anti bursary kids in their school?

Ours was an actual Assisted Place (that the Govt abolished when they came in) rather than a bursary, so they took our income each year and worked out how much we had to pay- much like student funding or tax credits.

Ours was an actual Assisted Place (that the Govt abolished when they came in) rather than a bursary, so they took our income each year and worked out how much we had to pay- much like student funding or tax credits.

We didn't advertise the fact that DD was on an AP but told people if they asked outright, and her friends knew. We didn't find that a problem, but I suppose it depends on the school and the other parents.

I have never known it be an issue, either when I was at private school myself. Background I was at private school from the age of 2. Changed schools at 5 to another private, changed schools at 8 to another private, at age 13 my parents had change in financial circumstances, I was going to have to be pulled from the school, they broached school I was given 100% bursary for the remainder of my school days (up to and including 'A' levels). We all knew who and who wasn't being funded, didn't bother us, but we just knew it.

My dd was on scholarship and top up bursary for 5 years, school published she was awarded scholarship in newsletter (as with all the children) so everyone knew she was scholarship. Whether they knew she was top up, I would imagine so, but noone asked, and I didn't offer information.

My ds is now on full fees (ouch), but I am aware of the parents who have other relatives paying, or are on scholarships, or are on bursarys. Again I am not too sure how I know this information but you just seem to become aware of it.

I can honestly say that I've not known it to be an issue.

And believe me if I wasn't so tired, my grammar and spelling would show that private education is worth it.

It is a % of the fees we have been offered. The head advised that this assistance would "normally" continue throughout the dc's education, however, the bursary does have to be reapplied for each year. You are right Pixieonaleaf, we have probably been a bit lax on the financial front up til now, doing the whole "keep up with the jones" bit and now this would mean setting ourselves apart from our peers. One thing I do know is I want the best for my ds and you never know, by having to keep such a close eye on the finances may even make us better people in the process. As you say, we just need to be ready for it.

Thanks for that really useful information, very refreshing too. I did ask the school head how kids on bursaries "fitted" in, his reply was that noone knows who is on a bursary , even the teachers are not privy to that info and that they have not had any issues. Maybe I'm just a sceptic but "bet he says that to all the boys" lol!

Thought of something else for you to bear in mind re working hours.

School holidays - all private schools can do their own holidays, but the following is popular for schools round our way:

4 weeks Christmas
4 weeks Easter
8 weeks Summer
2 weeks for a half term
1 week for other half terms

But I've also known it to be:

4 weeks Christmas
4 weeks Easter
10 weeks Summer
1 full week half term
1/2 weeks for other half terms

And if boarding is offered at the school then there are normally exeats (long weekends) so they finish at lunch time on Fridays twice a term.

This is all worth bearing in mind when thinking about work. As I would imagine you'd want to keep a degree of flexibility to accommodate this.

Don't do it. Private school fee money could buy a lot of "extras" to supplement state education. And it's a huge burden to put on a child - knowing that his whole family is struggling because of him. And he will realize that even if he doesn't now. And he will geel hideously guilty if he doesn't do as well as everyone hopes or wants to drop out.

And fees always go up, not down.

Fees do indeed go up - friend of mine was telling me that the fees at her sixth form daughter's posh (ie one of those approaching 30k pa) boarding school were 9k when she started at 11. Not that long ago! On the other hand, it doesn't have to be for 7 years - going to a sixth form college is often an active choice.

I guess in the end it's going to come down to how bad you think the alternative is, and your realistic view of your ability to pay for at least the next five years.

Thanks again for all your posts, loads to consider. I do know someone who is in the same profession as myself and her dh is probably on comparable income to my dh who have been paying school fees for last 7 years and they do seem to manage. They are not even in receipt of bursary so it can be done. They are off to Florida soon which will be thier first foreign holiday in years and it has taken them 2 years to save the cash to go. I have great admiration for what they are doing but I'm sure she is in the minority and wonder how common is it for families to choose this option. My ds really wants to go private but I'd hate to put him there then he struggles with being the 'poor' kid.

I would say that at 11 it really has to be your choice with some input from him - he can't really understand the long term impact on the family of the decision. And as I said, when he does realize, later in life, the impact could be quite negative. Use the money to buy books, holidays, trips,sports - all the 'enriching" stuff and don't spend the next 6 years "on the edge" It grinds you down and spoils everything.

Seeker - fair comment. I just worry that at the local comp he may not achieve, while there are lots of kids who do very well there I also know a couple of families who have pulled their dc's out. One of them said that at that school it was "not cool to be clever" so kids who do well dspite this ethos have to be very focused, something I think my ds may need a bit of help with. Also concerned that in next few years his peers will probably have a greater influence that us. Oh to be a mum!!