School offer

[alann]

Can anyone help me make a huge decision? My ds has just been offered place at local private school with some bursary assistance, however, the bursary is less than we had hoped. Ds is really keen to go now after jumping all the hoops in order to get to this stage, visits, entrance exam etc. Problem is, by accepting the offer we will be stretching our family finances to the limit and I'm terrified that we will not be able to sustain the commitment forcing us to revert back to state school at a later date. Love to hear from anyone who has been in similar situation.
Thanks in advance.

I work for a school which provides bursaries,2 of my children go there ,to be honest I really don't think most of the children have a clue who is on a bursary,some do, and as they get older children are often quite open about it there is definately no shame etc .In fact I think some of them would be quite surprised if they knew who was on a bursary,you often can't tell from appearences.

Also at my school although they are means tested competition for them is quite stiff and placing in the entrance exams is a factor so some of the brightest children are on bursaries and that has its own kudos.

The bursaries at my school are on a percentage basis and go up with the fees,financially you are reassessed every year because obviously if someones income rockets we need to be aware of that but the income limits are also adjusted for inflation each year.Extras and uniform should be considered but also bear in mind that once you are into exam years the schools will usually do everything they can to help you should things becaome tough.

I would make an appointment to see the bursar and get answers to all your questions befor making a decision ,the bursary policy has to be very transparent and he shold be able to help you with all the answers you need.

We pay our fees by monthly standing order and that way you don't get a massive shock of a bill and monthly budgeting is easier.If it is a mid range private I think you would be very surprised at how wide the social mix is and how many people struggle at times with the fees,the concept of the poor child is not how it is in most schools

Congrats to your ds by the way.

Thanks bourboncreme, all sound advise and very reassuring. Just waiting for a call back from the bursar. Have spoken this morning with the parent organiser of the school transport who seemed lovely, he mentioned that there are quite a lot of teachers kids go there which I found reassuring as we are probably not far off that level of income. I've reserved a place on the bus for ds anyway so its looking like I'm getting closer to finally making the decision to accept the offer. Both dh and myself did find it interesting that a high % of state school taechers opt for private ed for thier own!! What do they know that we don't?

Hope you get the responses from the bursar that help you to make the decision.I am an accountant not a teacher ,but just be aware that teachers at the school will generally be entitled to a discount off the fees ,probably fairly similar to the amount of a bursary so that will be how they afford it.

Just to let you know about the school we were going for, and what we had found out...
% included same amount off for school trips, and bursary included free music lesson tuition on one instrument. I also know that someone haggled their offer up by 15% !!!! On the down side, I also "heard" (mums grapevine, so don't know how true) that many bursary kids left because of bullying between the parents!!! How bad is that!!???
Go with your instincts. (still gutted by the way!!!!!)

allann my DS is at a private, selective school where a large percentage of boys are on bursaries. They seem quite open about it and the other boys assume the bursary boys are by far the brightest! It gives them kudos as far as I can tell!
There are some fabulously wealthy kids at the school but there are also those whose parents spend every penny they have on the school and have made many sacrifices to send them there - it's a real social mix and it works very well. The boys seem to just accept all these differences-there's certainly no shame attached to having less disposable income.
Depending on how quickly your DS grows you may find you can get most of the uniform bits (shirts, trousers, pe bits) on the High Street to last a year or two. It's often only a few items eg school jumper that cost any more than at a state school.

Bear in mind though there may be a few school holidays that DS won't be able to go on - certainly worth discussing this with him before he starts.

Lastly if he is bright you may well be able to negotiate a bit more help from the school? Worth speaking to the bursar anyway.

Have you been through your income/expenditure to see what it is you can make cuts on? I found out that changing insurance companies saved me £300 a year, which is quite alot. Do speak to the bursar, I expect they hear about this from parents quite alot.

I have to take ds back to the school he wants to go to so we can meet the head and have another look around, I work at the moment so can cover his fees (if I do a budget that I can stick to) but I'm worried what will happen if I become ill and need time off work, I can't pay them out of thin air. They had no bursaries left when he sat the exam as he sat it late and scholarships are at the head's discretion.

The 6th forms often have seperate financial assistance for those who do really well at GCSE so maybe it's best to plan for this when you get more information. If needs be then you can always move him to a 6th form college, all the students will be new anyway so you won't have to worry about him making friends, and it's free!!

What about the money you need for tutors. Many private schools kids have private tutor - same too at GS and comprehensives - though I think some private schools push you into tutoring if the child isn't otherwise going to deliver a flush of A*s

Have a look at the recent Sutton Trust report on bursary students in private schools. .

My kids are all in idependent schools, with a couple of them on scholarships.

Our finances are permanently on a knife edge, but the one thing we have to fall back on is our mortgage. We have a lot of scope to increase our mortgage should we need to, so this is our insurance.

Basically, I know what I can spend and don't really worry about it.

Thanks all for your great advise, totally blown over by the response, think I'll be hooked on mumsnet from now on.
Since we are in Scotland we don't have a 6th form college option unfortunately, we only have comps, comps and more comps!!!
oh2be4 - so gutted for you, would paying full fees be out of the question for you? or could you reapply when your dd is a little older?
BTW so busy working my butt off, missed the bursars return call, hopefully speak to him tomorrow and with all your help my list of questions is getting longer.

Alot of indie schools have 2nd hand uniform shops too which help save a fortune. Surprisingly - its cool at my DDs school to have the 2nd hand uniform and not the stiff looking new one! .

We try and save money on the uniform by buying the "must have from school uniform shop" 2nd hand where possible and the rest from normal high street shops - Asda is amazingly cheap!

Lots of people I know have children at independent school on some kind of assistance. The schools does not tell anyone but the kids usually do. Never known of any nastiness or stigma. These days independent schools are not for the exclusively rich. They are there though in amongst the workers, slogging and scrimping too.

alann you might like to know that Seeker's dcs go to a grammar school so she has a somewhat skeewed view of the private system and thinks that everyone should choose state no matter whether or not they actually have access to grammars or not!

When I contemplated school fees I did a spreadsheet setting out all the fees including average increases for the years I was looking at. It meant I could work out whether I could afford it or not. I included every cost I could think of.

I assume your ds has a scholarship and a bursary. The scholarship will stay so long as he performs at school (I know of dcs who haven't and have lost theirs). Bursaries are always an annual income thing and checked on an annual basis. If you were expecting more assistance then I would be upfront and ask if there is a possibility of it being increased. The other thing to do is investigate whether you may be able to apply for a grant from an educational trust - Here has info about what could be available - look at the very bottom of the page under 'Trusts that can help with school fees'.

Don't forget that the bursar is there to help. Tell him/her about your concerns. Sometimes extra money can be found.

Ask about uniforms and games kits (of which there are often many). Is there a second hand uniform shop? Is there a 'give away' notice board? Apart from reception, I have never bought my DCs a blazer!!! Basics I buy in Tesco, and games kit is well laundered. No one gives a shit.

Ask about trips. Are these included in the fees? Ditto school lunches.

And don't assume that because some families are rich that they will be swanky. I have never and will never buy designer handbags etc. DCs do not swan around in Jack Wills, iphones etc.

And no, we don't tutor, and no we don't care who is on a bursary, and yes every child, whatever their background is welcome at our gaff.

Good grief, Seeker, what are you on about? (And on and on and on ad nauseam, every time a similar thread pops up??)
DC acquiring life long guilt trips, predictions that DC will not do well and drop out,etc. Why all this idiotically negative nonsense?
On a mission are we?

Not all areas have access to a Grammar school, I do get tired of hearing people tell people to avoid private schools when their children attend Grammars, there are alot of areas where it's a private school or the local sink schools.

Ds was accepted into a fab school for September, in the letter it doesn't say how much they are increasing the fees by so I am panicking a bit. He sat the entrance exam late so there were no bursaries or scholarships availiable, is it worth going to see the headmaster? The school is really difficult to get into so he did really well. I'm a little worried what will happen if I become ill and unable to pay the fees aswell. I have MS, I'm in remission at the moment and the last relapse didn't last too long, I wasn't off work long enough not to get paid IYSWIM. Are schools sensitive to parents in these circumstances??

Eh?

For the record. Yes, my dd goes to a grammar school. But if she had not passed the 11+ she would have gone to the High school. Ditto my ds, who is currently in a state primary school. I would prefer both my children to go to a comprehensive school, but there are none in our area. I hope this explains my position. But I don't think it is actually relevant to this thread, which is about whether it it a good idea to make massive sacrifices for one member of a family.

I have experience in my immediate family of what CAN happen if huge sacrifices are made for one person - and the op suggested that private school fees would be a real struggle for a number of years. It CAN be very difficult for everyone - particularly for the person for whom the sacrifices are made.It can make that person feel guilty when he or she sees other family members struggling, and it can also make them feel obliged to follow a particular path which may not be the one their heart suggestss for them.

I think it's important to look at an issue from all sides. I pointed out that the money that would go on private school fees could provide a lot of 'extras" to top up any perceived deficiencies in the state provision and this way the OP would not be living on a knife edge of financial anxiety for the next 6 years, worrying about paying for ski-ing trips, field trips and all the rest. Never mind having sleepless nights ever time the fees go up.

Seems an entirely sensible point of view to me!

seeker you assume that those without much money have a lot of time to fit in all the extra activities that are provided by private schools. Not all of us are wealthy in terms of time or money and make the choices that we need to make to fit our personal circumstances. For me that is private education rather than a new car, holidays etc. Ds doesn't seem to notice his deprivation so far but obviously I'm also saving up for therapy for when he does .

Read the OP. Alann suggests that the sacrifice she is contemplating is more than the foregoing of a new car or a foreign holiday.

Or just persist in misinterpreting my posts. Up to you!

The only reason I work is to pay school fees. If they were in state schools, I wouldn't work, so school fees don't really change our finances. Our spending is about the same as when DH was the solo breadwinner.

At least I don't have to try to occupy my days by making cards or cakes for sale. I ccan do a job that makes a difference.

"At least I don't have to try to occupy my days by making cards or cakes for sale. I ccan do a job that makes a difference. "

Your life must be very stressful for you to find yourself making personal attacks on total strangers on the internet. Maybe you're working just a little too hard?

Hey, I am enjoying one of my nineteen weeks' holidays a year!

Sorry if you are a cardmaker and I offended you, but that hobby would drive me nuts.

I also work to pay the school fees, it keeps me busy. I get to stay at home when I am ill and it drives me nuts!!

No - I am a cakemaker! I also happen to think I am "making a difference" by looking after my children myself, rather than availing myself of the 'wrap round childcare' that I would have used had I stayed in the highly paid, high status job I used to do in my pre-children life. There are lots of ways to 'make a difference" - and there is significantly more to life than earning money.

I'm a single mum, I'd rather work then claim benefits, there's nothing wrong with this. It costs me the same amount of money to send ds to a private school as it does for him to attend a breakfast club/after school club/holiday club.

There's nothing wrong with making cakes, I couldn't go it alot though. It's quite therapeutic I find.

Fluffy exactly the same here. Maybe we should both give up work, look after our sons and claim benefit! Obviously providing them with a good education doesn't cut it in some quarters .