School offer

[alann]

Can anyone help me make a huge decision? My ds has just been offered place at local private school with some bursary assistance, however, the bursary is less than we had hoped. Ds is really keen to go now after jumping all the hoops in order to get to this stage, visits, entrance exam etc. Problem is, by accepting the offer we will be stretching our family finances to the limit and I'm terrified that we will not be able to sustain the commitment forcing us to revert back to state school at a later date. Love to hear from anyone who has been in similar situation.
Thanks in advance.

Ahh, but you also get grief on here if you don't work and claim benefits so it's a loose-loose situation isn't it!

It seems silly really, ds's fab new school is cheaper then him being in ofsted registered childcare before/after school and the holidays with activities, it's being sensible isn't it?

I would rather claim benefits than work if working meant that my child was being looked after by other people for longer that he or she was being looked after by me!

We are all free to raise our children how we see fit and what we believe is in the best interests of our child/ren, making a parent feel guilty for working whilst their child is at school isn't on Seeker. You have access to a good Grammar school, alot of children don't, we all do what we think is best, don't criticise this.

How is it making people feel guilty if I express my opinion? I could say you're making me feel guilty because you say you'd rather work than claim benefits when I think the opposite.But I don't. I'm doing what I think is right - so are you.

The grammar school thing is immaterial - my views wouls be the same wherever i lived.

So you would think the same if you had the choice of sending your child to a sink school where the behavioural specialist who was brought in by the LEA to advise on the discipline problems ended up in hospital after being hit over the head by a student, or a private school?

The stay at home/work debate is different to this I feel. I said it's cheaper to send my child to a private school rather then have to pay for childcare because this is part of the reason why I choose to pay for his education. There's lots of reasons, I don't believe that any family choose a private school because of just one thing, it's more often then not a tough decision.

I don't honestly know the answer to that question. That is such an extreme position that 'all bets are off" - if you see what I mean

But very few schools are like that. Very few. I know that sounds like a cop out - and I suppose it is. What i do know is that the school my ds will go to if he doesn't pass the 11+ is one of those that the private school brigade would have canniptions at the thought of but I know he will do fine there. Because I actually know what it's like adn I am not put off by appearances.

It's not an extreme position, it's the position that many parents face every day.

There is a huge problem with the educational system in the UK. The north/south divide is really apparant, just look at the league tables (ignore the private schools), most of the ones at the top are at the south. There's alot of ex-mining/industrial towns in the north, parental depression/unemployment is high and this has an effect on the educational atainment on (some of) their children. When you have children that are not shown encouragement to do well at school then it's really hard for them, behaviour is a huge problem. There really isn't very few schools like the ones I describe, there's loads.
I live in an inner city, there are 'better' schools, if I move and pay extra for housing, pay extra to travel to work, pay for childcare or pretend to be of a specific faith so I'm better off staying put and sending him to a private school so he can learn. It has nothing to do with appearances, I tried the local state school, it wasn't right for him.

I hate doing the competitive disadvantage thing, but I live in an area of serious social disadvantage. Made worse by the presence of grammar schools, which are incredibly destructive to the education system of any area. But I am pretty confident that my ds will get on OK at the local state secondary school - even though it isn't a comprehensive.

IIR correctly, you've tried lots of different schools for your ds, Belle de - I hope he's happy and settled ow.

Thankyou We have to walk past his old school every day and he still hides behind me and squeezes my hand, poor thing.

I really do hope yours get on OK, they are such a worry sometimes, I think it's really hard being a parent, such a responsibility.

Seeker - your argument re working and number of hours doesn't work with private re state.

Let's say for arguments sake that your child is at school 9-3 (although our grammar schools are 8.30-3.30) they would be at school for 1140 hours a year.

Whilst having a child at private school 8.30-5.30 would mean they were at school for 900 hours a year.

Therefore, rather than claiming benefits, you are able to provide the best education you can, plus be smug in the knowledge that over a year you have 240 hours with your child. AND these hours are when it counts, i.e. they are extra full days you get to spend quality time, not when they are tired and cranky from school.

Assuming, of course, that you have a job so flexible and well paid that you only have to do it in school time? Or am I missing something?

I travel to and from school with my DDs, see them during the day, spend 18 weeks off with them per year. We get home about the aame time as DSs, who also get long holidays. Perfect!

But not every one can work in the education sector!

No but there are a lot of other businesses where you can have term time contracts. Ok you don't get paid for all the holiday, but some of it is paid holiday and rest is unpaid leave.

Seriously, most families manage just fine.

A lot of parents who use the independent sector feel strongly about extra-curricular activities. Most schools will organise these after school, such as games training, or choir. Those kids that don't want to do these can do their prep at school.

With school transport and extra-curricular activities, most families needs can be accomodated.

Families that use independent schools prefer the extra-curricular activities to be a seemless part of school life. They don't particularly relish a child coming home from school and then mum to be in instant taxi mode as she ferries her little darling to music/ballet/football/karate/swimming. And they don't want battles over prep either.

If you want to spend 6 hours rattling around in an empty house, followed by taxi duties and prep homework worksheet battles, then you are very welcome to it. Enjoy!

I am glad that you are happy, but you have absolutely nothing to be smug about.

"
I am glad that you are happy, but you have absolutely nothing to be smug about."

Hang on a minute - please show me where I have been smug?

I agree, chocice.

Plus, a lot of independent school parents are slightly more mature and often have established careers before having children.

Many have a lot of control over their work day because they are able to delegate to a support network, and may even be able to work from home from time-to-time, such as during the summer holidays.

Although it's not needed as much in our family, but DH is usually able to manage his diary to be able to work from home, if given enough notice. He can also juggle meetings should ne need to do a school pick-up at 5pm.

For every year that goes by, it gets easier and easier.

the local state school's attitude toward my disabled ds was appalling,they made it very clear they didn't want him, but would have to accept him grudgingly.

I don't want my child being anywhere they don't want him, and the indie school my older dd is at have totally welcomed him and embraced his issues. they have been incredible.

Yes, i work my arse off to keep em both at this (very expensive ) private school but I do not resent a penny of it. The state does not help fund him at all.

I can't make cakes anyway so would be crap as a SAHM..

is ds an only?

my experience is that we moved dd to private in year 7 because she needed to make up a lot of ground after her dyslexia not being recognised.

it is worth it- but we are paying this out of income. i have extended my hours to work an extra evening per week. due to credit crunch hubby had 6 weeks out of work and the reality is that it really is hard- esp as she is one of three.

luckily we have an opt out after year 8 and we always said we would only send her for years 7 and 8. state schools here are middle and upper so no problem for her to move to a good comprehensive in year 9.

my experience is that it easy to say we can do without but you look like you are talking about doing without for the rest of his childhood.

my reality is that i am literally counting the months until she can move to upper school. i would also factor in trips and things like that. dd1 is doing Duke of Edinburgh award at state school- which involves a trek in the lake district- dd2s school is talking about going to new zealand. other than things like this, my dd has not experienced any more snobbery than at state school.

i think that i am trying to say- dont feel that you have to do this.

think op said he is an only child

Education not the only sector with term-time only working - hope you are not limiting your child's career options by making that (yet another ) unsupported assertion, Seeker ?
I work for a private company doing a professional, well, paid, interesting job and have just that arrangement, negotiated after a carefully worked out plan (now 6 years later, still works well)
Rahter lazy thinking to assume that it is job or kids, and smug to think that that card making and cake making a happy home make. My boys happy to make maybe one card a year, also my limit, and would rather kick a ball around in the park with me and then go and buy a cake fro Tesco's than be indoors baking all morning....

Just to let you all know we have reached a decision, we are accepting the private school offer with bursary which is a % of fees and extends to uniform, extra curr. act and travel costs. Yes the financial commitment is a bit scarey but having reached our decision it feels right and hopefully will never look back. I'm sure I'll can rest on my worn out sofa in 10years time and feel proud to have given my only ds as good an education as we possibly could. I agree that its not just the education you are paying for but the culture, which I trust will continue to help him for many years to come, long after he has left school. Thank you to everyone who has posted here, your views have been invaluable xxx

Alann - I'm glad you've made the decision that feels right for you and your family - I'm sure your ds will go from strength to strength with the support he has!

MrsGuyofGisbourne, your post is so offensive and so distant from what I actually think and what I have said in the rest of the thread that I don't think I can be bothered to respond.

'If you want to spend 6 hours rattling around in an empty house, followed by taxi duties and prep homework worksheet battles, then you are very welcome to it. Enjoy!'

I recently gave up work because I felt I wasn't spending enough time with the kids. I am lucky that we are in a financial position that allows me to do this. I can assure you that I do not spend hours 'rattling round an empty house', in fact my life is far more interesting and stimulating than it ever was when I was working (and I had a very good job FWIW). So please don't assume that those of us who stay at home turn into card-making, cake-baking, empty-headed domestic drudges. There is more to life than work.

I used to be a SAHM myself, Jaz, but time marched on and it lost its thrill.

If I did not pay school fees, I would be a SAHM again and join the lunch brigade and maybe do a flower-arranging course. Earning money for school fees is the only reason I work.

I am in the fortunate position of living a double life because I get 18 weeks holiday a year when I get to be a SAHM again. I do know what it is like, seriously.