Which do you think would be most beneficial to children....

[seeker]

....two working parents and a private education, or one working parent, a state education, and a parent at the school gate every morning and afternoon, a parent at every assembly, performance, match and parents evening, and around every afternoon/evening and every holiday. Discuss.

We have the latter, dd has blossomed since dp worked part time from home - in fact we all have.

Depends on the child, school, parent, job, extended family, childcare, etc. You can't possibly state one is better than the other for every situation, because there are so many variables.

The choice is not that stark - what we are going for is one full time person, and me going part time (and evenutally full time0 but term time only until secondary fees kick in and then I may have to go full time.

depends on which school is best for the child surely?
yes all very lovely to have a parent at the school gate everyday and turning up for shows etc but if the child doesn't get good results at the school and isn't happy there then it's not so lovely

also sometimes the end justifies the means, so yes the pupil might miss out on mum being there at assembly but he also might not be in the dole queue with 2 gcses when he's 18

bigchris, that's a bit ott isn't it? fwiw, I know kids who've gone all the way through the private school system and ended up with lousy exam results.
Seeker, surely nobody would argue that unless you're a woeful parent, your kids benefit hugely from you being able to do the school stuff for them - state or private both. Not everyone can do it because sadly the world doesn't work like that.

hmmmm... well, the more I see of it, the more I really believe that children get an enormous amount from one of their parents being there as much as possible. I honestly don't think you can match what you get from that with what you'd get from a 'good' school.

Also, what makes you think a private education will be so much better? Granted you will get smaller class sizes and far more resources, but that does not make it automatically better.

so what if you fail your GCSEs, you can always retake. You can't retake your childhood.

My daughter is at a private school. My husband works full time and I work part time nights. This means one of us is always there for her. If it ment not being able to spend time with her, go to her little shows etc, I'd put her into a state school. (It would have to be a good one though)

I have a colleague who worked full time (she was a single mum, and had no choice) and she said that her ds was always, always asking if she could be there to collect him from school like the other parents. She rearranged hours in order to make it one day per week, and she said his face just used to light up like a beacon when he saw her at the school gate.

Assuming I had a choice, I wouldn't miss that for the world. And I would never choose to miss that to pay for a private school. Or the circumstances would have to be extraordinary for me to consider it.

I heard a quote once, can't remember wo said it but here it is :
If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, than you think you should; but half the money.

I think this is true.

What are you supposed to do if you are a single parent with no financial or other support?

So this thread is a pile of sh!t for parents who have to work and still send their kids to a nasty state school.

Anyway life is what you make of it. A healthy family is a balance of comprises. What is the right answer for one family is not the right answer for another. It is all a question of balance.

When I was a stay at home mum the boredom drove me round the bend. It is better for my family that I work even if it means missing some school events or my son going to after school club.

Life is what you make of it and its up to our kids whether they get any GCSEs. As parents we can only do so much.

Depends on whether two pwrking parents means never being around or not.

Also depends on the child and the schools involved.

Two working parents for us doesn't mean not having a parent around.

DH works FT. I work PT. DD goes to private school.

DH does morning drop every day and I can collect every afternoon. No need for wrap around care. I can over all but 3 week's of DD's holidays - DH sometimes works from home, Katz is lovely and helps out i n the holidays, parents and PILs can help out for the odd day and sometimes we do childcare swaps/playdates with DD's friend's parents.

DD is able to do the extra curricular clubs she wants as I am around to take her, and sometimes DH collects esp fromt he ones tht finish later.

DH is always home by 6:30pm so we all eat together as a family and DH does bedtime.

Morning assemblies, etc DH normally can cover. I will do afternoon stuff, and sometimes DH will try and come too if he can rearrange clients for an hour or so. For big stuff, like the speech day or carol concert I am able to rearrange hours or have unpaid leave to attend, and DH is able to be flexible too.

For us it isn't an either or, just more organisation required.

I don't know!

DP and exW have always worked full-time (exW works 80% but isn't available for the DSSs on her day off) and the DSSs have always been at state school. They are absolutely fine and both right at the top of their class. And of course their parents separated along the way and they have two homes etc etc! We have no worries at all about them, and that is because DP has always made school a major priority, follows everything very closely, is a class rep, on the Parents' Association committee etc.

DD is at a private school and, other than very exceptionally, I always do drop off/pick up, have lunch with her most days, do Parents' Association stuff etc. Who knows whether she will turn out differently in the long term, other than being properly perfectly bilingual (which the DSSs won't be), which was and continues to be a major motivation for me spending the amount of time I do with her.

Agree with Reallytired. Life's what you make it and we don't all have a choice.

I've been a pt working mum for 4 years, a SAHM for 3 years and have just started working part time again now DD is older and more able to look after herself.

I think when I was at work, that was the place I needed to be, both financially and for my sanity. Now, however, I don't regret giving up my day job for a minute.

So...I've done both. DD prospered at the nursery for 3 days when she was younger and I'd never knock it. There were benefits and drawbacks, as applies to every choice we make.

She loves having me at the schoolgates now and I'm happy to be there.

It's not the same for everyone and it's never a stark choice of work and private school or home and state school. If only! Some mums have to work just to pay the bills....

my post wreally depends on the state school being a crap one

if it was really crap, and there was a good private one and by me working i could afford to send dcs there then i would

working full time doesnt mean you're a shite parent

Depends on:

which private/state school

and

what work

and, not least,

which parents

Just wanted to clarify that my dp does work, he just does so from home and fits his hours around dd. SO he takes her to school, picks her up, sees all the shows, helps out in class and dd can do all the after school actvities. He also ensures that I come home to a hot meal, clean clothes and tidy house. The time we have togther as a family is "quality" time in the sense we can focus on being a family rather than doing housework or getting stressed over the ironing or missed homework.

It has taken time, hard work and planning to get ourselves into a place where this is possible. We are also probably one of the families most strapped for cash as a result although I think that we live a very comfortable lifestyle.

And what children surely too cory...

Yes TFM, my dd is not a morning person and hated breakfast club, she is also a busy busy person who has some kind of activity every night after school. It is impossible to do that if you are working.

As a family we crumble in chaos, we do what suits us.

every now and then i find myself feeling delighted that we are in recession as i have stayed at home with ds longer than i ever imagined i would.
because i worked in the City, dh or MIL (indirectly via dh!) have stopped asking me when i intend to go back. i feel that ds really loves spending that extra time with me - i love the s-l-o-w pace of it too - the only reason i look at a clock nowadays is in relation to ds' timetable for the day (not for filling in 6 min slots on an electronic timesheet!)
i feel very lucky indeed

Reallytired, I don't think anyone means this to be shit for those who have no choice. Maybe Seeker's curious about those who have made the choice to both work in order to afford to send kids private, but that choice means they can't do school run, etc.