To withdraw or not to withdraw

[Freckle]

DS1 has been the target for bullies for over a year now. I have approached the school on a number of occasions and tried to resolve the problem. The school has appeared willing to help and, from time to time, the problem has diminished. However, it has always reappeared. DS1 is a prime target for bullies, in that he is not particularly big for his age, very sensitive, desperate to be liked and doesn't retaliate (for which I take full responsibility because that is how I have raised him). I spoke to his class teacher at consultation a few weeks ago and was very disappointed in her response ("well, there's not a lot we can do about it" and, when I mentioned the name of the main bully, "Oh but he's nasty to a number of children" - so, your point is????). Over recent weeks, there have been a number of incidents, resulting in a meeting with the headteacher, at which he promised a number of strategies. Then, on Tuesday last week, there was a major incident of the bully humiliating DS1 in front of the whole class and his class teacher supporting the bully, following which DS1 was so distraught and upset that he couldn't breathe properly or speak. Teacher has since denied the incident (or at least her role in it), but I am absolutely certain that DS1 has related what happened accurately. There followed a meeting with the headteacher and ultimately on Friday DH and I decided to withdraw DS1 from school until the end of term. DS1 is in Y6 and I took him into school each day to do his Key Stage 2 SATS (done alone in the head's office at his suggestion).

My older sister is the deputy head of a large primary school and she has since told me that, if I de-register DS1, his place at a local grammar school cannot be held for him as he will no longer appear on the local education authority register. They will not be able to hold his place for him as it would be the same as holding a place for a child from another authority. I have contacted the LEA and the grammar school, but have been unable to speak to the relavant people.

Do any teachers have any idea what our position is? I cannot send DS1 back into an environment which has robbed him of any vestige of self-confidence and reduced him to the state he was in last Tuesday. However, although I am prepared to home-educate him for the rest of this term, it is not a long-term option and I do not want him to lose his place at grammar school.

Any advice?? Many thanks.

Thanks for all this. I've been in touch with the grammar school today and, as far as they are concerned, DS1 is on their roll and will stay there until they are asked to remove him. If the contact comes from the LEA, they will check with me first. I am awaiting a call from the LEA as the person responsible for admissions only works part-time and won't be in until tomorrow. I have also arranged with the primary school that he will not be removed from their register until I am sure of the position wrt deregistering. Until then, he is officially off sick.

DS1 will have a full day at the grammar in July and I may ask at that time if they can let me have details of any other boys who live locally and will be starting in September.

We've had a good day today, with a session on numeracy, a trip into town to the library to find books on mountains and volcanoes, some stationery and further resources in WHS and some clothes as he will need more now that he won't be spending most of the week in school uniform. He's done some English this afternoon and is now reading a Horrible Geography book on volcanoes. He's also reading a book on Greek myths and legends in anticipation of our history project. And we had the pleasure of sitting down to lunch together, just the two of us.

Glad that you had a good responce from the grammer school. It must be a great weight off your mind.

The CGP books are excellent for ks2 and KS3 science. If I can be of any help, let me know.

Freckle

Good for you and your son. I think you have done exactly the right thing for him, and one that he will reember for ever: that you took him seriously and acted. Best of luck

Freckle
I'm afraid I don't have any specific advice as I am not a teacher but I just wanted to say that as a Mum and someone who got bullied horribly at school you have done exactly the right thing for your child. I can't even begin to describe how horrible it is being the victim of a bully but what you have done will have helped your son so much. You have unquestioningly supported you son and ultimately done the only thing that you can to preserve his self-esteem, physical and mental health. Well done you and really the very best of luck. Let us know how it all goes.

As someone with children both within and outside the regular education system I think you've done exactly the right thing by your child. I am very saddened as a teacher and a parent that a head can't stand up to the bullies but fully understand your reasons for not wantong to start a situation at the school. I also understand how different siblings can be. My dd1 is v sensitive and has only a few friends, dd2 is very out there and will run the country one day, and ds is great but school doesn't suit him.

Myy advice (not that you need it) - while dd1 in Y6 has been out of school we've been making sure she reads as much and as widely as possible, doing the French they don't do properly at school, and making sure she is totally confident in all area of maths. Oh, and having some well-deserved fun! Have lots of Home Ed stuff if you need it, but to be honest, having fun while learning, as you know, will do your son more good. Like you I'm banking on grammar school being v much better.
Best wishes to your son

Thanks for all your support and confirmation that we've done the right thing. It's such a drastic measure that doubts do creep in, even when you see the change in your child from deep despair to happy-go-lucky.

The LEA called me back this morning and have confirmed that I do not need to worry about his grammar school place. They are satisfied that I am merely withdrawing him until he starts secondary education in September. An Education Welfare officer will contact me for a chat at some point, but there will be no need for them to take matters any further because of the temporary nature of the withdrawal.

I'm amazed by DS1's eagerness to learn and work. After one little wobbly yesterday morning, when he objected to my making him do something again because it was wrong, he hasn't stopped beavering away. He is so keen to read, research and write about things (the mountain environment in geography, including volcanoes, and Greek mythology in anticipation of a history project) that it is a joy to watch.

He is also still very keen to go to the grammar school in September (perhaps the anticipation of a trip to Mexico next Easter is proving helpful ), so this is working out quite well at the moment.

Message withdrawn

gald things are working out freckle. Our daughter has a literacy project she is working out post SATS to take with her to secondary school. It involves writing about a book (or more than one) she's read but they are encouraged to do things like drawing pictures of how they see the characters now and how they will look when the are older, making food they thing the charachers would eat - and a lot of other things. I'll try and write a few more down when she's back from school and post them tomorrow. They have a special book with sheets of unlined paper and its pretty thick so they have to either do a lot of the activities of do several books. It seemed a really good project to me, one you might like to consider for literacy work?

Wonder what a gloamglozer eats?

Thanks for that, tatt. It's something to think about doing over a long period of time. I've got him reading a book on Greek myths at the moment - in anticipation of doing a history project on the Greeks - and am thinking of getting him to consider what events might have led the Greeks to come up with these tales, thunder being bolts cast from the heavens by angry gods, etc.

We went out jogging this morning and I mentioned that I could have done with a bum bag to put bits and bobs in. DS1 then decided that he'd set himself a D&T project to design and make a bum bag for me. It's getting quite interesting, with him designing lots of little sections for different things, such as mobile phone, etc.

Freckle, I have been following this thread and felt I just had to tell you that your actions have been quite inspiring.

Seeing your son suffering, doing something about it and not just accepting that that's the way things have to be has just made me see that parents do have a lot more choices than they are led to believe and that we should always act in their best interests. I know it's an obvious point but your example has made it all the more real.

That's sweet of you. Have to say most of this has been flying by the seat of my pants, so it's reassuring to hear that others think we have done the right thing.

Sorry Freckle but everytime I see this I keep thinking it should perhaps be on a contraception thread .

I did realise after I'd put in the subject line, but it's not possible to change it once you've posted. Still, it seems to have grabbed the attention of some who might otherwise have ignore the thread .

But unable to provide any support or decent advice so not perhaps the sort of cheeky by-passer you would prefer .

Quick update. DS1 is loving home-ed and I am having problems getting him to stop working. Had to drag him off a project last night at 8.45pm!

When DS1 was going through some of the bullying, I downloaded a lot of
stuff from the Kidscape website. I was interested in their
assertiveness training courses and started DS1 keeping a bully
log in accordance with their pre-course instructions. Unfortunately, the
bullies found this, which led to more bullying and it was eventually taken by the head teacher, who
has never returned it. After all the stress of last week, I went onto
their website and filled in the application form for a place on a
course, not expecting to be successful because we hadn't been able to do
the bully log part properly. Also they say that courses are heavily
oversubscribed (how sad that this is necessary) and applicants may have
to wait several months to be offered a place. This wouldn't really help
us as I wanted DS1 to attend before starting secondary school.

Anyway, I received a letter in the post this morning offering DS1 a
place on 9th June! This is perfect. There is a long and detailed
questionnaire to complete and return to them, as they tailor each course
to the needs of the children attending (max 10). Parents get invited to
join them for a Pizza Hut lunch and the children are sent home with
goody bags - and it's all free!

DS1 is really excited about it and couldn't wait to fill in the
questionnaire.

fab news - so pleased for you both

That's really good news Freckle.

At the risk of being crass and burdening this thread with trivia, have you seen that the Book People are selling 10 Horrible Geography books for £9.99 at the moment? I got them for ds and he loves them

Not trivia at all. Unfortunately they are out of stock .

Oh, what a pain, sorry

Just discovered them at the same price with The Red House .

Absolutely shocking that the headteacher took - and presumably read - the bullying log AND STILL DID NOTHING!!!

On one of the bullying websites there's a saying: "Only the best are bullied." Does it help ds to know MNers are rooting for him? I hope he has a great time at the grammar - he deserves it.

sorry I didn't post yesterday - some workemen phoned the day before saying they had a cancellation and could they come to do the work we wanted. So it was noisy, dusty and distrcating yesterday!

Dd's project

go on the internet - research the author/theme of the book

Draw a family tree of the characters

What do they eat? Write a recipe/menu, make it!

Imaginary diary entry

Find a picture from a magazine of what your charachter looks like

Annotate its physical/ personality characteristics/ how are they feeling

Find a couple of action pictures, make speech bubbles with dialogue from characters at a turning point in the book

dress yourself up as one of the characters, have a picture taken, annotate it

plot how a character has changed - in writing on a graph

Hot seat. Get a friend to ask you questions, answer in the manner of the character. Write down your interview.

What will your characters look like when they are older? Find a picture, annotate it.

If your character were - a car, food, colour, animal etc Explain your choice

This is going down well with the daughter and her friends.

Its great that things are going well. Don't let him avoid all social contacts, though. Maybe ask the education welfare officer if there are any classes for gifted children he could go on?

Freckle, so glad everything is working out for you and your son. Now you can enjoy this time together knowing the school place is secure next term. I'm sure your son will never forget that you were on his side. 11 is nearing the end of childhood, really, so there's something especially poignant about stepping off the treadmill for a while.

Your son sounds so industrious - I know my son, faced with this, would draw up a timetable heavy with ebay surfing, xbox, gameboy, crosswords, cricket practice, cooking and sleeping

FYI, my son and his classmates are creating flour babies. Each child has to look after their baby and take it everywhere with them - home and school. They have to keep a diary so I guess it's sort of an English project. The flour babies are made form a 1.5kg bag of flour, covered with fleece, dressed in old babygrows, with arms and legs stuffed with cotton wool. The boys have really got into it the boy who's mum is leader of the PTA has organised a creche during assembly for the flour babies .

BTW - is your son's grammar school really organising a trip to mexico for the year 7s

Freckle, I'm glad your son seems happier, you did the right thing. Head sounds v odd and unprofessional.