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Original poster

Headmaster upset my son by shouting at him

84 replies

birty · 09/05/2009 13:25

Today I picked my son up from school and he flooded into tears!! (he is 6) It took me a while to get it out of him what the matter was. He just wanted to go home and I told him I wasnt leaving school until I knew what was going on and if he didnt tell me I would ask the headmaster. As soon as I mentioned the headmaster he cried and wanted to go home even more!! My son told me that he was hiding from his class teacher and she sent him to the headmasters office. The headmaster then shouted very loudly at him in front of a parent, teacher and other children walking by. He was frightened. I told the headmaster he was upset and he said so he should be he needs to learn how to behave! I was quite upset by that remark and told him I do not want my son to be screamed at and that I was happy for him to be punished but not shouting at him as he was in bits. I explained how intimidating it is for a bigger person shouting at a smaller person is not good and he replied dont tell me how to run my school. I was so cross that my partner went down to speak to the headmaster. My partner too could see how upset our son was. What does anyone think? Should I take further action?

OP posts:
rasputin · 09/05/2009 13:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MargaretMountford · 09/05/2009 13:28

no, leave it..how do you know he shouted at your son ? he may have just told him off sternly and your ds felt upset (I would have been mortified to be told off by a teacher ) I guess he won't muck around again after that.

Original poster
birty · 09/05/2009 13:33

A parent saw and heard the headmaster shouting at him. The lady who told me thought what had he done to deserve that. the headmaster said he raised his voice and the parent said he really laid into him. I dont mind him being punished for being naughty but not scared. Imagine how he felt being shouted at by someone alot bigger than him. When i spoke to the headmaster I could of shouted at him but I didnt. You dont need to shout at people to get your point accross that what someone did was wrong

OP posts:
smartiejake · 09/05/2009 13:33

Sorry but if my son had come home from school having been sent to the head teacher for misbehaviour I would be cross with him not the headteacher.

saintmaybe · 09/05/2009 13:33

But the head saying 'don't tell me how to run my school' to a concerned parent doesn't bode well, does it? that would set alarm bells ringing for me.

Bucharest · 09/05/2009 13:37

How very precious.
If my daughter was bollocked by the headmaster I'd be mortified.
When I was shouted at at school I never dared tell my parents because I knew they'd be disappointed in me. Not the school.

Heated · 09/05/2009 13:37

Times have changed. I agree with Smartiejake

mrsflowerpot · 09/05/2009 13:38

Well, I think you probably need to let it go, and talk to your ds when he's calm about behaving in school - it's one of those situations where you need him to see you standing behind the school, however much you don't want to. But I agree, a good headteacher shouldn't need to raise his voice to tell off one six year old boy. A full classroom of rioting ten year olds, maybe, but one six year old?

I would have an even bigger issue with the way he sounds like he spoke to you, to be honest. Unless you went in ranting and raving there's no excuse for being rude to parents.

Original poster
birty · 09/05/2009 13:38

If you picked your child up from school in the state I picked my child you would not be cross but bloody worried! My son isaint a regular naughty boy like some. It was totally out of character. The remark dont tell me how to run my school made me even more mad. I as a parent have a right to put my opinion across

OP posts:
mrsflowerpot · 09/05/2009 13:42

Can't you be both? You can be perfectly clear with your child that the behaviour is unacceptable, but equally unimpressed with the school's handling of it? I know I have been on one occasion.

magentadreamer · 09/05/2009 13:43

The HT shouldn't have shouted at your DS but if my DD had been sent to her HT I'd be more concerned as to what the hell she'd done to warrant it and Dd would probably have me to deal with as well.

ellingwoman · 09/05/2009 13:45

Do you mean the behaviour in class was out of character or the reaction to the shouting? If the behaviour in class was out of character then I can't see why the teacher would send him to the HT. Maybe he often does it and the HT thought this was the best way of dealing with it. Interesting how we automatically believe a parent bystander over a staff member though isn't it? I've done it myself

Original poster
birty · 09/05/2009 13:46

I did tell my son that what he did was wrong. But the way the headmaster handled the situation was wrong. There is a difference between raising your voice and shouting at someone.

OP posts:
mrsflowerpot · 09/05/2009 13:47

sorry, my second post was to the people who think it's precious, not you, birty.

Original poster
birty · 09/05/2009 13:50

On a fRIDAY the class has a different teacher of which shouts alot at the class. All the children play her up, I dont think she can control the class. My son behaviour was out of character as he has never been sent to the head.

OP posts:
DeeBlindMice · 09/05/2009 13:52

The Headmaster is right that you shouldn't tell him how to run his school.

Was your son there when you tried to undermine the Headmaster's authority?

If so, I'm surprised you thought you'd get any other reaction.

Mutt · 09/05/2009 14:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
birty · 09/05/2009 14:00

you sound like a teacher deeblindmice

OP posts:
JodieO · 09/05/2009 14:00

The Headmaster sounds rude; he shouldn't be shouting at a 6 year old, especially for what sounds like nothing in the first place. Why do people automatically assume the adult is in the right? I'd be livid and would go above his head if he wasn't able to speak to me in a reasonable manner. It's wrong to shout at such a young child, why would you want your child scared of school? Great impression the head is setting there .

Original poster
birty · 09/05/2009 14:04

I think the headmaster will think twice about shouting at him again! And actually it's been worrying him going back to school Monday.

OP posts:
Original poster
birty · 09/05/2009 14:05

I didnt realise how many people out there thought that shouting at people is the best way to communicate when things go wrong

OP posts:
DeeBlindMice · 09/05/2009 14:07

I'm not a teacher, no. I just respect teachers and don't assume that I know their job and can march into their place of work and tell them what to do just because I once went to school.

LOL @ JodieO I bet you have a really productive relationship with your school.

Go above his head? Have you any idea how ridiculous that sounds? Over a Headmaster having words with a child who was sent to him for misbehaviour?

I think it's quite a good idea for children to be scared of the Head. How would you like they feel when sent to see him or her? Delighted and thinking it's a big treat?

Smithagain · 09/05/2009 14:07

The question is, does your son now understand how serious it is if he hides from his teacher? Because as someone who regularly has responsibility for the safety of other people's children, it would make my blood run cold if a child deliberately hid from me so I didn't know where he was. The teacher may well have been terrified that he/she had lost him.

Maybe the Head was excessively shouty. But if the message has got across, that might not be a bad thing. And I can well understand why he was annoyed with you for trying to tell him how he should behave, in front of your child, instead of backing him up in the seriousness of not hiding from school staff.

Bucharest · 09/05/2009 14:08

Well, it's not, obviously, Birty. But I worry greatly about living in a society where parents immediately go and "sort out" the headmaster/teacher/doctor/fill in gap as applicable.
Just look at it from the outside.
Child misbehaves.
Is shouted at.
Goes and tells Mummy
Mummy goes ape and goes down to sort the teachers out.
What has your son learned about his bad behaviour?

Bucharest · 09/05/2009 14:10

Good point Smithagain.

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