OK, I know I will be flamed her about being all 'middle class and pushy'..
but: I am happy to say I've calmed down a bit now but on Sunday I was hopping! Situation is that we know we HAVE to do something about getting into catchment for the desired secondary before Oct 09 so DS1, now in Y5, can attend.
School in question, having done my homework at great length is the best fit for him. It will involve a move of 1 1/4 miles, across a couple of fields to 'get in' but DH and I feel we should do this for the sake of his (and DS2, to follow)'s education, thus their future, thus their life chances (which, all being well, = happiness).
Thing is, DS1, 9 1/2 just CANNOT BE ARSED to do ANYTHING! All extra curricular activities are invariably greeted with a groan -though once he gets there he's fine; be it karate, cubs or piano (in school); gently applied advice about how to perhaps 'go the extra mile - nay INCH'! in homework, results in huffs, book 'chucking' down, sulking (he will not take 'help' from anyone save perhaps his school teacher...), the "I can't DO this/ I'm RUBBISH at this!" stuff cannot be assisted without the huffs as detailed above. It is SO frustrating!
I guess I come at it from a couple of angles: One is my mother, though she loves DS1 dearly, has casually and accurately observed that DS1 is very like my DB was at that age. DB, coming as we did from a different era (we're both in our late 40s!) wasn't 'pushed' at all. Rubbish secondary modern, no pressure to apply himself to ANYTHING that didn't take his fancy, no 'extension activities' of any description, us (well, me!) having to BEG to do music lessons, Brownies etc. Trouble is, DB's turned into at worst a bitter man, at best one who recognises that he's achieved nothing near his potential in life- OK, OK, how many of us do? But he's MILES off. He drives a delivery van for a living, a job he dislikes- but entirely of his own admission, he knows he lacks the discipline to do anything about it and does kind of blame our parents for NOT making apply himself, get stuck in- or send him to a better school! I do recall that where mum and dad DID push him it was hell's own job to get compliance and once it became apparent that his school WAS rubbish, he was completely entrenched in it, at 13 and more or less unshiftable. Also, parents just didn't have the - ahem, 'choice' of today. You went to 'the local'.
A second issue is that in 10 years time there just will not BE the low paid manual work available to the slackers- and I mean that: DCs who by all measures are capable of more but who just can't be bothered.
Now, I guess what I want to give DS1 is opportunity. At its basest, if I do what I can, at the end of the day, he cannot turn around and cast that sort of blame on us because we are trying to do our best by him. I am hoping all those DCs who grow up to 'thank' their parents for 'making' them do things are right!
BUT god, it's so hard when you're trogging around housing estates looking at property with a constant barrage of boredom coming at you from the back seat as you look at those 'catchment' homes- and I mean one or 2, not hundreds! When you're gritting your teeth even harder whilst you SUGGEST two three word sentences do NOT constitute 'a descriptive paragraph about...'. I SO don't want to get into the 'We're doing this entirely for YOU!' stuff- to an almost 10 year old, but sometimes I feel like shouting it!
How much harder would it be if we were thinking private, watching 10 grand a year being casually thrown away??! I do have a friend who does send her 2 private who actually says one reason is so they can't throw any blame at her if they underachieve academically once they're adults.
Finally, I guess the most useful responses would be from people with adult DCs who had actually run the gamut not The Smugs telling me how much DD, aged 7 LOVES her bassoon lessons and can't WAIT to go to Kumon! Yes, DCs should be allowed time to veg and 'do nothing'. Believe me, mine get PLENTY of that- it's the bits where some effort might COUNT where the indifference lies that get to me!
Was it all worth it, come 18?