How did the school you go to affect your later life?

[redskyatnight]

With all the constant parental angst of "which school to send their children to", I wonder if a school REALLY makes that much difference taken in retrospect.

My parents skimped and saved to send me to private school which I hated as I never felt I really fitted in. I came out with a clutch of good qualifcations and went on to a top university. But ... I have also maintained a sneaking feeling that as a driven individual who was pushed by her parents I would have come out with much the same qualifications if I'd gone to the local (average) comp. And I might (obviously no guarantees) have fitted in better and would certainly have been more likely to have had local friends rather than being ostracised by all the local children.

Do you think you would have done better/worse/differently had you gone to a different school?

Went to two comprehensives. One was really awful: teachers kept leaving or going sick, so supply teachers were the norm; bullying, rarely ever given homework. After a year, mum pulled me out and put me into a mediocre comprehensive. Came out with 8 O'levels, but 6th form was never discussed and I was advised to "do travel" by a disinterested Careers Officer.

Ended up (after a stream of office jobs) doing a degree, and got a first. Was approached to do a MPhil to PhD, but being absolutely broke, I had to go back to work. Finally trained as a teacher and so have a PGCE. Doing a Masters at the moment.

Would have loved my school to have 'channeled' me a little bit more effectively before I left school. (And for mum to have been rich!)

Anna- no i have not read it, will ahve a google round to see if i can find it...

I went to the local comprehensive having an O level in maths already (primary school teacher decided 2 of us were nearly at that level anyway). Had lessons with the 6th form, therefore. Never really bullied about this, don't know why. I would say bullying was not (overall) seen as OK at my school - remember being shocked by friends at uni's accounts of casual bullying at their private schools. I may have been lucky, though.
Would I put my child in a similar position? I don't think so. It has probably helped me in terms of relating to and getting on with people - you have to work really hard at this if you are labelled as a maths geek - but it was hard at the time, at least until the 6th form. The daft thing about it was that I was never actually that good at maths...did A level but am nowhere near as good as DH...

beforesunrise - you would have been emailed a copy if you had participated in the survey; and you would have been invited to participate in the survey if the consulting firm had managed to get their hands on your email/home address/address of your parents.

I can sent it to you if you want. Let me know. I thought it made quite interesting reading, though I have a lot of doubts about how rigorous the research was.

i have found it last night Anna, thanks. i only managed the first 30 pages before nodding off. i thought it made some very valid points (esp about sciences etc) but on the whole i suspect the quality of the ES education can only be judged wrt to the respective national systems- so for me it was very good because i compared it to the italian system whcih is maybe more academic but much less well rounded. it was still a huge shock to go back to an italian uni afterwards though! are you british? i wonder how it compares to the uk system?

needless to say they did not manage to track me down so i didn't participate!

Yes, I'm British and did my first degree in the UK. Both my sister and I did well at university and both of us agree that while we were not as well prepared as our university peers in essay writing, we had received a much broader education encompassing both arts and sciences to a high level, and that this broad education held us in good stead.

Both of us are still, 20+ years later, continually shocked by how crap British women are at maths .

Went to the local comp which was a small 6 hundred pupil school in a fairly rural location. No bullying as such, some fights but nothing major. We all knew each other and knew every teacher. I did well, went to uni got a degree and now working on a conversion course to do a psychology masters.

I think the huge influence in my lfe was my parents divorce. My father and I had no money despite living in a well to do area (my brothers had left home by then) I had to work from age 14 cycling 2 miles there and back to work. I hardly ever had new clothes, my shoes had holes in and I do remember always being cold in the winter. I do, however, have a huge work ethic, can budget very well and can relate to many different sorts of people so although it was difficult at times it wasn't all bad! I feel this came from my personal life rather than from school.

For sixth form I went to what's commonly regarded as one of the top public schools in the country

The educational standards there were fantastic. We were taught to debate and think laterally, only really picked up the A level syllabus in the spring term before the exams, the rest of the time the teachers taught round the subjects and we had an incredible breadth of knowledge as a result. Like most of the girls (and many of the boys too)

I went to Oxbridge, partied the first year and got a first in the end of year exams because the school had taught me it all already. I went on to have a fairly glittering career. I'm not sure if I'd been to any other kind of school I'd have had the confidence to pursue that type of work as it is notoriously competitive. Obviously, we'll never know what might have been but I am very grateful that my parents sacrificed a lot to send me there.

However, the pastoral side of the school left a lot to be desired. If you were in any way a misfit, you had a very hard time. The swimmers are now in top jobs and you see their faces all over the newspapers. The sinkers ended up in rehab, psychiatric units etc because either academically or socially they weren't up to the mark. It was especially brutal for the non-pretty girls - if my dds aren't gorgeous there's no way I'll expose them to that level of scrutiny and criticism at the age of 16. So

Before that I was at a girls' private school, also with a very good rep. With some notable exceptions, however, the teaching was fairly bog standard - esp in science and maths. The school relied on the fact it had a lot of clever, notivated girls to get its results. My dad says that he paid for me to be surrounded by such girls, so it was still worth it and he may have a point. We sparked off each other, had a lot of fun, were very creative writing songs/alternative magazines etc but by sixth form a lot of us were all restless and wanted to move on (and get a chance to snog more boys). I lost touch with everyone who stayed on in the sixth form but I get the impression from others that most went on to very safe traditional jobs - nothing wrong with that but I don't think they were pushed to be all they could be.

I used to think private education was the be and end all, but now am not so sure. Have loads of friends from comprehensives who have great jobs and lead happy lives AND don't have an obsession with where to send their dcs, like me which can only be healthy. I think when all's said and done it is largely down to family background, even at the fantastic school the kids whose parents were divorcing (and there were a lot) didn't do as well as those from stable homes. Sad but true.

Having said that they'd all have benefited hugely from the teaching at my public school. I think I was really lucky and I wish - though fail to see how - such teaching could be available to everyone.

I haven't actually moved onto my later life yet but I feel that going to an all-girls school, small, quite traditional, maybe wasn't the best choice for me.

I chose to go there. I don't see any point in blaming my Mum and Dad who have stretched themselves to the limit with paying for it. I said yes I want to go there, without looking at the school during a normal day. I went for a Trial Day but that was in the Junior School where it is quite different.
On the Open Days the school presented a different picture to what it is in reality.
It is a difficult environment to be in with all girls. There is alot of backstabbing and sillyness, immaturity.
Unfortunately I have been on the receiving end of that behaviour - even now when most of us are legally allowed to have and bring up a child, there is still that immaturity.

So, the school I am at has affected me now. I find it hard to make friends, I don't seem to be able to get attached to people incase they "go off with someone else and leave me on my own" - sounds silly writing it, but at the time it can be quite upsetting, unless I am just over sensitive. There's more but I don't want to bore you all/kill the thread.

But one thing I am grateful for is that I have been given a chance of a lifetime - to be in a school where the teachers know you individually and are able to spare time to help.
I just wish I'd gone to, what now with hindsight,is the better school - my local grammar school which has the same good educational values, but it is co-ed. I feel I would do much better in a co-ed environment - there would be boys to balance everything out, there would always be someone who you could talk to and who isn't likely to be a friend one minute and not the next.

However, with Sixth Form approaching comes new opportunities. Maybe I'll get my co-ed grammar school wish after all.

very sorry, long post I know - hope it all makes sense

:/

I think my school shaped my views of the world and people in it. That is the main thing that my school did.

Although I have no idea if my view of the world would be any different had I gone to a private school.

Oh 15years, good luck

School is such an intense place and so are friendships when you're 15, I don't mean to sound patronising but I promise you in ten years time you'll look back at the friendship stuff and laugh at how petty some people were and how unimportant they are to you in hindsight. Ime, the nastiest girls went on to do least with their lives and the girls that found it harder fit in went on to great things, usually because they weren't such sheep following the herd.

On a different farm metaphor, girls can be total cows to each other in all environments including mixed schools (I went to both sorts, so I know). Rise above the backstabbing, you're obviously a lovely, bright, sensitive person and those qualities will shine through, I promise you.

Thank you jujumaman :]

You don't sound patronising at all! I'm sure I will look back and some of it will probably be quite, if not very amusing.
Even looking back now at the stuff which happened when I was 12/13 I was a bit at why I got upset over it!
When I have my own kids I'll definetly tell them that piece of advice if they ever need it too!

jujumaman what d'you think was the difference between the people you described as ending up scarred and medicalised and those who don't fit in but go on to great things?

Your teaching sounds fantastic, I think lots have said that private is no guarantee..and was def. my experience. What d'you think made the difference at your sixth form?

I wonder whether there are any Summerhill ex pupils out there and what they think?

My cousin is a wonderfully balanced and successful man, he went to a secondary scholarship only school, I wonder if that's the answer to the anti intellectualism of a lot of places.

One final thing; I read Stephen Law, the War for Children's minds recently and it has certainly impacted on my choices and helped me understand what was going on ...understanding the impact of schooling and childhood can be a lifes work I think!

Amicissima (great name by the way) - you should be in charge of the education system! Totally agree that there should be a diversity of schools as children are all different and will thrive in differnt environments. The only true choice is for the rich, who can buy their way, either thru fees, or relocation - for everyone else it is lump it.
One thing that has struck my on every thread on Mn that I have read on eduction is that people seem to beleive that the people you meet in school are the sole influence. In fact, children may be (like my son) in a highly academic single sex school, and so be with intelligent peers and no real disadvantaged types, but also meet every other type of child thru other actvities OUTSIDE school - don't believe for most children their only experience of society is their fellow pupils in the same way my friends are not exclusively, or even mainly from work.

I went to a state secondary school that was and is highly coveted in its area. It has around 65% GCSE A-C pass rate these days, compared to surrounding schools which achieve much less than 50%.

I did OK. I think I would have done better if the school had a 6th form and I had not received crap careers advice and done a stupid course at 6th form college. The school did not go out of its way to encourage its bright students onto the path to University. My personality type would have been better suited to doing A levels in a school that cared if I attended, rather than at the 6th form college that did not care to notice poor attendance. But that's my own fault.

With that in mind, I am keen for my DDs to attend a school that has a good 6th form attatched and I will do my best to encourage them to stay on there. I think the continuity of teaching and surroundings can be beneficial, even if my daughters have a better work and attendance ethic than I had.

As the daughter of a serviceman, I could have gone to boarding school very cheaply and remain slightly annoyed that my parents did not choose that route for me. But I was rather besotted by the Malory Towers books as a child. The boarding school I would have gone to was the type where girls were expelled for smoking and people got by on their social connections, so I doubt I'd have achieved anything greater there.

hopeandpray

Sorry I've only just seen this

I think my school was different because it was and is one of an elite set of public schools (there are prob about ten in the UK at a guess maybe fewer), with a reputation that can attract the very best teachers and pay them accordingly. Add to that that it's very hard to get in and you get the best teachers and very bright pupils which is a bit of a winning combination.

At my so-called excellent school before that some teaching was excellent, but plenty was mediocre. It was the difference between the premier league and the first division if you like. Even at the public school there was the odd dodgy teacher, though the pupils.
pretty quickly had them for breakfast.

As for your other question - when I wrote that post I was actually thinking of all-girls' schools, like the second school I mention. Perhaps because it wasn't so pressured the oddballs did emerge from it with their sanity intact and their non conformist qualities helped them in later life.

The first school otoh was a place where you flew very near the sun but a lot of people had their wings burned. Some of the so-called uncool kids in my year have gone on to great things but the fact there was only girls in the sixth form made it very tough for the not-so pretty girls and, in one case, for the very pretty girls, the prettiest girl in my year developed anorexia and then had a breakdown, in part I think because of all the focus on her. Combine that social pressure with the academic pressure and it could easily all become too much. Schooldays are tough, am remembering that as I decide to do with my own dds.

jujumaman - did you go to Westminster for 6th form?

I went a very posh private primary school which I hated, then a relaxed private secondary school where I was really happy and got 8 good 'o' levels, then a comprehensive for 'a' levels. At the comprehsive I found I could get away with not working, so I didn't and completely messed up my 'a' levels.

I did go on though to get a 1st for my degree but having messed up my 'a' levels so badly, did Art when I wanted to do English. For years I was in the wrong profession and not doing the work I wanted to do.

If I had realised A levels were so important I would have retaken them.

I have no problems with the state system but think it can be difficult to switch between the two. I also think that you will have an academic advantage in a private school usually (although bright children with good back up at home should be fine at state schools too). However this has to be balanced against the social interaction and being a part of your local community which in my opinion is equally important.

Hi 15yearsyoung, thank you for your perspective. I find it very interesting, not least because I send my dd to an all girls' school, having been in one myself for the first 14 years of my schooling. Do you think the capriciousness of female friendships was aggravated by the fact that the school was a small one? I think school may not be such a alienating experience if you have one or more good friends - this is difficult in a small school, but in a large one, you will be able to pair up with a kindred soul more easily.

I wonder whether girls and boys mix that much, especially in primary school. Happy to be enlightened.