How did the school you go to affect your later life?

[redskyatnight]

With all the constant parental angst of "which school to send their children to", I wonder if a school REALLY makes that much difference taken in retrospect.

My parents skimped and saved to send me to private school which I hated as I never felt I really fitted in. I came out with a clutch of good qualifcations and went on to a top university. But ... I have also maintained a sneaking feeling that as a driven individual who was pushed by her parents I would have come out with much the same qualifications if I'd gone to the local (average) comp. And I might (obviously no guarantees) have fitted in better and would certainly have been more likely to have had local friends rather than being ostracised by all the local children.

Do you think you would have done better/worse/differently had you gone to a different school?

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academically and career wise yes

My personal life is fine though

didn't realise this had become a private v state school debate .

I went to our local comprehensive, which was actually one of the better schools in the area [catholic]. Quite an affluent area.
Academically i was VERY bright. But because of this i was bullied horribly throughout my school years. This had affected the rest of my life in a huge way.

Firstly, i completely withdrew from school and basically never went, resulting in my leaving before even sitting my O levels. I have terrible self esteem and confidence issues and suffer from anxiety and depression.

When i was at school bullying was very much swept under the carpet and the teachers made it clear i was a tittle tattle and seemed to side with the bullies. I remember one of them saying that the teacher said to her, after my mother had been at the school complaining - "look, i know she is a bit of a prat (me!) but we have had her mum up at the school so can you cool it a bit" . I felt like i had no "allies" so i became disruptive, did NO work at all and left before my exams, i couldn't wait to get out there into the adult world and leave the bullies behind.

Do i resent this? um YES - do i blame my parents? NO. I am just the type that attracts bullies i guess (a bit of a prat!) so i would have probably been equally bullied at a posh private school, possibly even worse.

I wanted to be a vet, I have since completed my education to PhD level, i STILL have no confidence AT ALL and one of my biggest regrets was bowing down to the bullies - but i was weak.

So yes, my school has affected my later life.

Sadly for my children, i am not in the position to send them to private school. I resent that too.

It hasn't become a private/ state school debate has it, goes back to check.

I do notice that many of my friends who went to grammars or independent schools have a confidence that I have never had. I have always felt inadequate in just about every sphere of my life but again I think that is down to the town I grew up in and bad parenting.

Well DH and I went to below average comprehensives and we both have PhDs in science subjects and high flying careers. Even though I work part-time, my company still wants me to run a team of engineers and scientist (who are all men!) and allow me to work from home by giving me the capability to log into work from home because of my 4yo DTS. That is how much they value me.

DH is now a director at age 35yo for a high tech company and this year will have published at least 5 papers in scientific and management journals, all solo authored.

My SIL is doing a post-doc at Harvard and she went to the same school as DH.

My DTS are going to state school because from my experience at both university and work, having a private education does not equate to competence, intuitive intelligence, natural drive, ambition or a natural flair to get on with people. If my DTS succeed academically and end up with the career of their choice, it will be because of their natural desire to do so with the support of DH and I.

I went to a large comp where in my sixth form there were some very young and stupid teachers who were having affairs with students and it all got a bit sordid. I felt very aggrieved about the favouritism that went on as a result. Also one of my teachers went to prison for GBH! However I was very academically minded and it just made me dig my heels in and make sure I did well. Encouragement from parents and one excellent teacher were key, I think.

I do agree about the confidence point. Obviously a generalisation but on the whole privately educated people do often seem more confident. Looking back though I am still glad I went to the comp. I'm now doing exactly what I want to be doing career- and home-wise, and if I'd been to a more high-pressure school I think I might have ended up doing a more highly paid but dull job. Not sure why I think that.

One of things that people always comment about me is my confidence. I have it in abundance. I have never felt inferior to anybody and that is down to my parents. As Jamaican immigrants, they taught us that we were just as good as anybody else and just because somebody had more money than us, did not make them better than us.

I intend to instil that same message into my twins and considering the positive plaudits we have recieved from their teacher at our first parent evening, it is working!

I went to the local state RC primary and then the local comp (which had a decent mix of people and a reasonably good reputation). I was horrifically bullied at both, so my parents moved me after 14 months to a small all-girls selective school.

I did very well at school and was pushed towards academic subjects and Uni. I enjoyed university and left with a good degree, worked and then went back to complete a postgrad.

Then I got married and I have only picked up the odd job here and there (mostly unpaid charity work).

In a funny way, my school was very old-fashioned. No computing lab (this was late eighties, early nineties), Latin and Ancient Greek, Home Economics was a hoot as it included lessons on how to knit and embroider, lay a table for a dinner party, deportment and etiquette etc. Mind you, it had a good academic reputaion as well.

So, when I went to Uni I had to do a remdial computing course as I had no idea how to use a computer to submit my work etc. On the flipside, I married and Army officer and all those etiquette/dinner party/embroidery lessons ahve come in very handy!

In contrast, my husband went to a sink school on a sink estate - it didn't even offer A-levels as no one did them. He had no encouragement from his parents and they actively tried to prevent him from doing his A-Levels at college. He has a BSc and an MSc and is now thrudting his way through a promising Army career. He's way more ambitious than me and has acheived more considering his background.

I think personality and family support are more important factors than the type of school. Some children will thrive wherever they are educated and some won't. Equally, there are are schools that know how to get the best out of their pupils and can contribute a great deal to a person's success in later life.

In the long run I don't think my school made much difference to what I've done since - went to the local comp, then Oxford, then phd, then became an academic. I think it's very likely I'd have done that from a private school. Similarly my siblings and friends from school have pursued the sorts of careers they might have done from a private school background medics, actuaries, lawyers, etc.

I'm not convinced about the private school = greater confidence theory. I have never felt less confident than my many friends from private schools. Quite the opposite really. You know you got the results through your own abilities not through any specific coaching.

I think aspirations are more important than the school you go to

I could really have done with mentors about five years before I had them because by then (my early 20s) I had made all the important decisions about my education that shaped my career (i.e. wishy washy arts crap)

I will deffo encourage my children to learn about different jobs and TALK to adults about their working lives and encourage them to get involved with things

and not concentrate on wishy-washy arts

Same as Fennel. I went to a comprehensive, got a scholarship to Oxford while in the sixth form. I imagine I'd have done the same at a different sort of school.

Went to really crap village primary and then passed 11+ to go to grammar school. At primary we were the only family not to receive free school meals and the only children ever to pass the 11+ from that school - thanks to my mum's coaching. I was happy at primary, though not in any sense stretched but certainly felt no detriment. Grammar school was good though I suffered socially as it was an hour away. Partly due to crap social life, I worked really hard, applied to Oxford and got in, graduating with a 1st.

To me, primary school made no difference, but secondary is vital. I plan to send my children to local decent but not exceptional state primary and to send them to a selective school - state or private at secondary level. I actively wish to avoid private at primary, as the people I met at Oxford who'd only ever been private had some strange attitudes. One was horrified at how many poor people there were at Oxford!

Mine was awful, spent my whole childhood having to dumb down. The kids I mixed with were sleeping around and getting drunk at primary age too. I was in the minority of children that went to 6th form. It repressed my creative and verbal skills and crushed my confidence.

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No one had any interests outside school apart from getting drunk.

Agree it's about setting expectations, and aspirations, problem is some schools present such a narrow set of options and have such low expectations. Also disagree with all the targetting at such a young age these days, it creates a culture of failure.

I think it depends upon what your subjects are. I went to a crap comp where they only allowed you to take 2 sciences and you couldn't take Physics and Chemistry as they were taught at the same time. Not a problem for me as I hated science but my friend who went on to do Physics at uni and then a masters in AI was with people who could not believe her lack of choices. I was good at French but it was the only language offered. I transferred to a 6th form at a v good school and from there went on to a good uni. I think if you follow this path you do feel a sense of superiority - you have succeeded in spite of your schooling and imagine what you could have achieved if you had been to a better school. I have met others who went to very academic schools who were made to feel average whereas I was always considered very bright because the school was pretty mediocre. However it was noticeable at uni that those who were privately educated had much more confidence even though they were often less academically able.

So, I think if you are bright and fairly resilient it probably doesn't matter what sort of school you go to.

I went to a REALLY old-fashioned single-sex grammar, where I did well despite the lack-lustre teaching.

Interestingly, many of my year (looking on Friends Reunited) seem to be either SAHM's or TA's now, including those that went to Oxbridge / redbrick unis.

Yeah but how many OWLS did you get, Roobs?

With regard to privately educated children appearing to have more confidence, is it that they have more confidence or those viewing them feel inferior to them?

I work with lots of privately educated folk and I in no way feel inferior to them because ultimately, compared to many of them, I know I have achieved much more than them considering their headstart in life. Plus my achievements are largely due to my inherent talents, not the fact that I was molded and coached to an inch of my life.

Having been educated in a non-english speaking education system (I went to a French school but to an English University and graduated from an English University with a MSc), I am always astonished that British employers always ask "which school did you attend?". You are expected to put it on your CV, even if you are 30+ years old and haven't set foot in an English secondary school!!!

That's when I had a distinct inkling that in the UK, which secondary school you attend does appear to influence some employers. The problem is how do you prove that an employer discriminated against you because of the school you attended.

Do you think you would have done better/worse/differently had you gone to a different school? Probably better but who knows? Besides, what's done is done.

I don't think private school education equals confidence either. I passed 11+ and went to private school where I was by far the least monied there. I did well academically, had friends etc. but came up out lacking in confidence, something which has stuck with me, (although age has helped!) and think that was down to never quite feeling I belonged, was sophisticated enough etc.