How did the school you go to affect your later life?

[redskyatnight]

With all the constant parental angst of "which school to send their children to", I wonder if a school REALLY makes that much difference taken in retrospect.

My parents skimped and saved to send me to private school which I hated as I never felt I really fitted in. I came out with a clutch of good qualifcations and went on to a top university. But ... I have also maintained a sneaking feeling that as a driven individual who was pushed by her parents I would have come out with much the same qualifications if I'd gone to the local (average) comp. And I might (obviously no guarantees) have fitted in better and would certainly have been more likely to have had local friends rather than being ostracised by all the local children.

Do you think you would have done better/worse/differently had you gone to a different school?

yes, I think the lack of careers advice is key isn't it. We had nothing at all at school, none of the ones I went to. My parents were pretty clueless so I was left entirely to my own devices and sort of stumbled into a course at university. I think, looking back, that it would have been very useful to have someone discussing options with me!

Agree fox. It's a key thing. A big problem was that in the 70s/80s when many MNers were schooled, the idea of careers advice amounted to one teacher who drew the short straw and ended up with responsibility for 'Careers' without knowing much about it!

Thankfully things have moved on since then. I am very impressed with the careers advice and personal guidance my kids receive. Of course, access to the Internet has made a huge difference too - information is just so much more accessible these days isnt it?

I went to several schools, 2 secondaries. I was much more influenced by my parents than the school. I wasn't pushed by either so got very basic O and A levels. I was happy to just pass.

findtheriver, I've no idea, honestly! I found university tough for all sorts of reasons which I'd prefer not to go into. It it probably unfair of me to blame my school entirely.

It was a long time ago now. Maybe I had heard of them, but I'd certainly not considered that it might be something that I could do. Maybe a combination of my family background, schooling and state of mind at university restricted my ambition? I don't know.

I went to a sink estate comp - absolutely dire. Bullying, truanting, low expectations. When my Mum suggested I try for Oxford the Head put me off saying he was sure I wouldn't want to do all that extra work.
I still got good As and went on to Uni but so many bright kids didn't - that's why I think it's utter crap when people say bright kids will do well anywhere. Not without home and school support they won't.

yes, very true about access to information. In our day , if your parents weren't knowledgeable and the school was no help, either you did everything off your own back or you err did nothing at all. It was then totally reliant on your own self motivation which, I think, is quite a lot to ask of a teenager!

Glad to hear the advice is better now.

Do people really say that think bright kids will do well anywhere? I think a lot of people believe that a bright child shoujld do well if they are in a decent, good or excellent school, but not anywhere. I think when you are talking about sink schools such as yours, litchick, then the results are SO low and the aspirations SO poor that there it's probably hard for anyone to achieve. I wouldn't want my kids in a school like that. However, I think once you get a critical mass of children who are reasonably bright and a good percentage of exciting and stimulating teaching, then, yes, a bright child certainly ought to be able to do well.

FTR - people do say it all the time on MN. But perhaps I am taking them too literally and when posters say 'my ds doesn't need private school - he's very bright and would do well anywhere,' anywhere actually means a top grammer school, a high achieving faith school or someother over subscribed high achieving state school

Maybe I'm not reading the threads closely enough then because I haven't seen that comment!

As I say, I do think a bright child should be able to do well in most schools - it certainly shouldn't need to be a grammar school or private school. I would guess that most MNers use state comps, not private, grammars or faith schools anyway.

Also I suppose despite exam results data, there will always be an element of subjective opinion about what constitutes a 'rubbish' school. Maybe some people would say the school I went to was 'sink' - after all with a grammar school in the area there would have been a lot of kids creamed off. And being a very trendy progressive comp in the 70s, the teaching was ALL mixed ability, so I sat my O levels in the same classes as the CSE kids and the group of bad boys at the back of the room who werent even entered for exams!! You wouldnt hear of such a thing these days - my kids are in ability sets at their comp, and the top sets have got hugely bright kids in, so you wouldnt see any difference there from a selective private school anyway!!

Yeap, the more I think about it, my own school was pretty whacky!

I was apparently a bright child, reading age of 12 at 5 etc, good at maths. My parents sent me to the local comp. At infants school I was supported, had extra lessons with the headmistress while the rest of the class were being drilled on their phonics. When I went up to the junior school I was consistently top, cruised through and didn't do a stroke of work.

At 10 my parents moved me to a posh-ish prep school and the shock was incredible. I had never had to work before and I was consistently bottom. I really struggled, I'd never learned how to work or learn before. It showed me the yawning chasm between the two schools.

I managed to pass my 13+ by the skin of my teeth and went on to another private school. I moved at 13 though (girls normally move at 11) and it was a difficult time to move - not only had I been the only girl in the entire U6 year at prep school I moved into a new school 3 years after everybody else joined so found it hard to make friends.

So, I learned a few things from the switch from state to private. The schooling was much better - a child has to be able to learn and apply themselves to learning. Research shows that for this generation of children they will probably change careers 3 times over their lifetime. They have to be able to be flexible and learn. It is very hard to catch up if you move late - I know a number of parents who are planning to switch from state to private at 11 - I wouldn't do this, I struggled doing it at 10.

I have done well since leaving school and I attribute this to a confidence and can-do attitude I got from my private school.

DD is at a private school (which she will be at until 18, so no nasty moving!) and already at 5 I see a difference in what she is being taught and her peers. Whether this will matter in the long run I don't know, but all the children are very confident and have every opportunity, whether it is sport, art, science etc. I hope I've made the right choice, at the moment I think I have.

I think that the school I went to made a huge difference.

My brother and I went to the same primary school in a very rough area of Manchester.

I won a scholarship to a good independent school, got top GCSEs, A-levels, S-levels, went on to Oxford and the LSE.
Brother went to the local comprehensive, got 2 GCSEs, and is unemployable.

I went to a grammar which I found quite strict and claustrophobic in many ways. However I think in hindsight it was the best place for me, as I am really quite lazy and needed a rocket up my arse.

13 years at a girls' private school made a big difference to me. I hated it at the time, but I am now more than grateful for the education!

I think where I grew up had far more effect on me than where I went to school hence my decision to move so dd will not grow up feeling inadaquate and embaressed about her home town.

I went to what was a good comp and was always in top sets but I turned down an Oxford place as I felt too out of place. If I had been privately educated I may have taken it. I struggled at uni for the first year as although I went to a good comp I couldn't keep on a course dominated by public school very bright boys.

But having gone to a "good" school in a rough town it made me want to teach as I know that if school had not saved me from my background I would be nowhere now. I also have very strong views about education and discipline because of my own schooling.

yes, I think it's almost as interesting finding out how your own schooling affects your views of school now (and your children being at school).

I went to (in order!):

girls' private school
odd and v small international convent school
boarding school
girls' grammar school
comprehensive school

Main thing that did was make me fairly adaptable - and it's probably no coincidence that I have been freelance all my life and never had a permanent job.

But what made the most difference was the strange international school, where they taught each child individually. It was a revelation - and whoever said above that the difference was moving from being miserable at school to enjoying it could have been describing my own experience. What made the most difference was they taught me - at the age of 13/14 - to work on my own, so A Levels and university were never a shock to me. I don't think that what schools teach you is as important as learning how to learn.

And if I'd been at my comprehensive from age 11, I would have been chucked out at 16 for behaving badly because I was bored and they were too big to be flexible at all. As it was, I went to Cambridge - no thanks to them (Cambridge prep there was "Here is copy of Great Expectations. Now go away and read it.")

I went to a dire comp- bottom 10 in the whole of England the year after I left!

I was top of the year all the way through, with absolutely minimal effort (well 50% were E2L for a start)
Decent 6th form college after, followed by Russell Group University 2.2 and non-Russell group university for masters.

However, I have never had to or learned to work hard academically. This is a great shame, and I spend much of my life wondering just how far I could have gone had I been in an academic secondary school and had to knuckle down a bit.

DH also went to a dire comp (roughly 10 places above mine nationally )and was top of the year all the way through, followed by decent 6th form college, and Russell Group university for degree and masters (1st). He turned down a place at Oxford in fact.
The difference being he has dyslexia- and struggled so much in primary (couldn't read properly until 8 or so) he learned how to really work hard at things.

My high school was a church one. Its catchment was huge with kids bussed in from all over the city. It was seen as a good school -but it was shocking. They had a policy of mixing the most unruly and disaffected boys with the 'A stream' girls in a bid to 'bring on' the boys. The result was carnage.

Girls were bullied and sexually harassed and many found that the only way to survive was to join in: Stop working (or pretend to), start 'stealing for status' and take up smoking.
If you didn't do this you were ostrasized. I didn't and I was a pariah - for nearly a year. It made me immensely strong and I'm proud of not caving to this day. Had to put up with sitting next to scumbags for 5 years before entering the relative calm of the sixth form.
But I hated that school and left without a backward glance.
I don't know if a private school would have been much better- my friend was in one of the top girls school in the country at the same time and she said it was a den of vipers.

I went to the local sink comprehensive, it was in special measures whilst I was there.

I was one of the bright kids and got 10 GCSE's grade C and above.

It taught me to mix with all sorts of people from all walks of life, it taught me to be street wise and to look out for myself and my mates. It also taught me that a fairly bright child with parents who actually give a shit can do well in any school....

ah it's so hard to say, isn't it?
I went to at utterly shit school with some lovely teachers but crapola facilities and a really anti-learning culture. basically, we were factory fodder (I actually heard two teachers refer to us with that exact phrase).
the school found it hard to attract and retain decent teachers so, for example, I got literally no French teaching for years and years.
BUT BUT BUT
although I had a crappy time for the first two or three years, I actually came out with some great results and went to Oxbridge and had a (fairly) high flying career.
and I think, like Flum's dh says, if I had gone to a more academic school (or a more affluent school) I might have had less self-confidence and have been less determined and ambitious.
to put it another way, the apathy of the school and the dispproval of my parents meant that all my teenage rebellion and wanting to be different was directed towards getting good exam rsults and going to university. what a rebel eh??
OTOH, I do feel, sometimes, distinctly undereducated and I am sometimes a little resentful of the opportunities others had at better schools

We were simply sent to the nearest schools. However, my parents allowed me change secondary school at age 13yrs/14yrs (the old 3rd year) because the bus routes were more convenient to the new school. Nothing more complicated about choosing a school than that!!

I would say that the peer group in which one is immersed has as much influence as has a school's ethos or parental influence. All three influences work together but in my experience, I found that peer pressure influenced me the most. The vast majority of my peer group were not aspirational in an academic sense so neither was I. School was simply somewhere to spend the day!!! It was only after I had left school and realised that education was important, that I knuckled down to spend time studying and learning. I did go to Uni but this was very unusual for my peer group.

I don't know whether I could've achieved more had I not coasted along for 11yrs in school but I have no memories of being pressured to achieve. I guess it's debatable as to whether this is a good thing or not!!

Went to an OK comp with a rough catchment area. Parents totally disinterested in education and no careers advice. Did very well, good degree from good university. But I coasted throughout and found acutal jobs almost impossible to cope with. Developed a very consuming day-dreaming habit as a preschooler which I gradually got under some control as an adult. Now postgrad at Cambridge - working at the limits of my ability for the first time.

Planning to send dd to the local comp. But I think it will be very different for her because her parents are education-mad nut-freaks and the area we live in is dominated by the same - the bar is high for everyone. In fact, there are certainly too many pushy parents and you just have to stick your fingers in your ears when you hear what other preschoolers are being taught.

If I had gone to a private school I think maybe the more competitive environment might have got me into the habit of actually working at something. But as others have said - maybe I would have rebelled against it - who knows? If I think dd is tuning out the way I did, we might reconsider private ed - but my gut feeling is that it will be OK.

I am 31 years old this week and feel completely and utterly frustrated and a complete failure. I doubt it is all down to m,y school though

I went to a local comprehensive school, 6th form college and then Uni.

IMHO, it was my close friends at school that influenced me more in later life than the type of school I went to or even my parents.

I'm still friends with a lot of them from my local comp and 6th form now! Neither were exceptionally high performing schools but the group of friends I mixed in I guessed were the 'swotty' types - but we all helped each other and looked out for each other. I enjoyed my school days, and this is because I had such a brillant support from them.

When I went to Uni it took me a while to distinguish who came from private school backgrounds and who didn't. In fact I was more surprised how many seem to come from private school backgrounds.