My little brother is 13 and hasnt been to school since he was in year 2. My mum calls it unschooling but im getting more and more worried about him. I was brought up by my dad and stepmum and I dont live with them and only see him now and then, but every time I do things seem a bit worse. Ive tried talking to mum about it but we just end up arguing.
He spends pretty much all day in his room online, gaming, youtube, tiktok and discord. I know discord can be a dodgy place for children that age, people can pretend to be anyone and get them talking about all sorts. He stays up late and gets up whenever he wants and theres no routine or anything that I can see. Mum says hes happy and theres nothing wrong with letting him have freedom but I dont think she realises how much time he actually spends on there.
He also reads these really graphic comics online. He says its not porn because its yaoi which apparently is japanese for boyxboy stories. Some of what Ive seen is very explicit and I dont think its appropriate for a 13yo. When I asked him about it he just said “do you have a problem with that” and carried on looking at it. I wasnt trying to make an issue of the fact its about boys, its the actual content and his age. Mum doesnt seem interested in what hes looking at.
Mum says hes dyslexic, autistic, has dyscalculia and PDA and all sorts of other things but as far as I know hes not diagnosed with any of it. She doesnt seem to be fighting to get him assessed either. I know how hard the SEN system is and how many parents have to fight for years to get their children help so Im not expecting everything to happen overnight, but she seems to use these labels as an explanation for why he cant be expected to do things without actually trying to get him any support. I honestly think he just didnt want to go to school, like plenty of children dont, and mum ran with it because she didnt want to deal with the parenting side of things. I know that sounds harsh but she was similar with me and luckily my dad stepped in.
I do want to be clear this isnt a thread bashing children with SEN or home education. I know children can have genuine difficulties with school and home education can be brilliant when its done properly. Im not an expert and I dont know everything that goes on in their house. Im just struggling to see how this is meant to be working for him when hes had no school for years and I dont know what education hes had in all that time.
Hes started vaping as well and drinks red bull and other energy drinks. Mum doesnt seem to put many limits on anything. He can be quite rude to her and swears at her, but she swears at him too and has said some horrible things about him being mixed race that I think could be seen as racist. His dad isnt involved at all so theres nobody else there to keep an eye on things. I dont want much to do with mum anymore because of how she behaves but I cant just stop caring about my brother.
Ive tried speaking to her properly, not just having a go at her. Ive asked what the plan is for his education and what she thinks hes going to do when hes older. She says he learns from life and the internet and that not everyone needs qualifications. When I asked him what he wanted to do he said make money online and that he doesnt need school. Mum agreed with him. I tried explaining that he might change his mind and that he needs options but she said I was being negative and trying to make him fit into a system that wasnt right for him.
Ive reported concerns to social services a few times and contacted his primary school when he was still on roll but nothing seems to have changed. I dont know what they did with the information or whether anything was followed up. I dont want to keep making reports just for the sake of it because its obvious its me, not other family are involved and if nothing is done mum could cut contact with me. but whenever I see him hes more into this stuff and seems to have less going on outside his bedroom. Im worried about his education, who hes talking to online and the way mum speaks to him.
I was lucky enough to have my dad and stepmum give me some stability and I feel awful that my brother hasnt had the same. I dont want to look back in a few years and wish Id done more but Is there anything else I can realistically do? Im genuinely worried about where hes heading and I dont know how to help him when mum wont listen.