Secondary school concerns about bullying, harassment and lack of support

[Starsugar]

My daughter is unhappy with her secondary school. The bus is overcrowded and the behaviour is bad, she has been shoved and threatened by older children. Lessons and walking between lessons are a similar problem. She has been sworn at and spoken to in sexist and nasty ways by some of these boys. On top of this she has been put in a maths class with a boy who groped her breasts and bum last year in primary school. The school will not move the classes at this stage but have said they will keep an eye on it.. I have tried contacting the school about several of these issues but the only response I have had is saying they will not move her maths class.

I feel awful sending her there everyday but I don't know what else to do. The only other school that had space in her year has an even worse reputation. We can't afford private and I have no idea how I would begin to homeschool her, so we are stuck. Is this just how it is now? Does she just need to deal with it? Honestly feel like I'm failing as a parent.

I have tried contacting the school about several of these issues but the only response I have had is saying they will not move her maths class.

you have explained the above and this has been the school’s full response? Are you sure?

Yes, they suggested we go to the police next time. Every other email has been ignored.

Make a formal safeguarding complaint

Then the school will have to act

And this is the safeguarding lead you have been contacting multiple times who is ignoring you?

So yes - if it happens again, police.

Did you go to the police when you Dd was groped last year?

We have spoken to the head of year and information has been passed to safeguarding lead. It is very hard to get contact details for specific staff, so emails mostly have to go through to the office.

No we didn't go to the police, we were told they were already under services and that they were getting help. It seemed like it might be more traumatic for my daughter to have to give statements ect. We were told they would not be put in classes together at high school.

If it happens again, you categorically must go to the police. As your previous school and this school have advised

You're going to have to be "that parent" and make a huge fuss.

Currently homeschooling Y11 due to her not wanting to go through the "new girl" thing in Y8. I should have ignored her and got her out, but could have never predicted the awfulness of what went on to happen in Y9.

Appeal all the "we're full" decisions and get her on the waiting list for every all-girls' school you can. Request an urgent in-person meeting with the safeguarding lead, an urgent in-year transfer from the LA and keep on and on and on at them.

If there aren't any all-girls options, she's going to have to grow a very thick skin to get through 5 years of it. The boys don't learn any respect as they grow up, and the teachers just fob you off because they have to funnel hundreds of kids through these awful prison-schools and don't have time to worry about what they're doing to their mental health and wellbeing.

Ok, it does seem utterly unacceptable that your child should stay in the same group as a boy who sexually assaulted her. Are they saying that as you didn’t go to the police there’s no record?

As the outcome is unacceptable you need to follow the school complaints procedure which should be on the school website. It is likely that you need to contact the headteacher next, and then the Chair of Governors.

The rest of it - is that being reported every time?

Yes, I think they are completely overwhelmed by the behaviour. She went to a homework club yesterday and said the boys were swearing at the teacher and they just ignored them. She actually left the club and asked to be picked up early because of it. There aren't any girls schools but there are a couple with better reputations, just very over subscribed.

It's very hard to prove anything when it's just my daughter's word. I saw a whatsapp group chat where some other girls had said the same thing happened to them and then the boys were saying things along the lines of 'If you can't prove it, it didn't happen'. The messages disappear after they have been written and I didn't screenshot in time. There is a massive culture problem.

When it comes to sexual abuse you don’t need to prove anything with evidence. Thankfully. You can report. This is not a one off. This is ongoing sexual harassment of your young daughter.

Go to the bloody police

Her previous school strongly suggested that we did not call the police as the child was already receiving support. Her current school has only said to call the police if it happens again. Im not ignoring any advice from either school. I thought it would be more traumatic for my child to have to make a statement when we were promised that they would be separated in their high school anyway.

I'm a teacher, in a really rough area, and this just sounds awful.

Keep a diary, write down date, time, event. Stick to the facts. Once you have an accurate account, contact the school and ask to meet the DSL (designated safeguarding lead). If they give you the runaround, ask to meet the principle. If they give you the runaround, write to the chair of governors with a full account of how this has been handled.

There's a document called KCSIE (Keeping Children Safe in Education), just updated for 2026, this tells the school exactly what they're responsibilities are. It also tells you.

Basically, you need to exhaust the school's internal procedures before you can take it further.

Sounds unacceptable.

Can you move? Even to a smaller property, rental anything nearer a better school, ideally an all girls? You need to get her out of there.

I would be surprised if the details aren't on the school website for the safeguarding lead.

If they aren't, you could ring your local council, ask for the MASH team (Multi Agency Safeguarding Hub) and ask them who the safeguarding lead is for X school. Say you need to report peer on peer abuse.

That should get some action.