Is it too late for LAMDA lessons as an extra-curricular in Y12? Or something else that would help with verbal confidence and fluency.

[BadSkiingMum]

What sort of tuition or extra curricular activity might help an older teen with verbal confidence and fluency? The DC in question is very polite but quite reserved and may not put themselves forward with the requisite confidence in interview situations. Would LAMDA be suitable? ESB? Careers coaching? Happy to pay for something, it is just a question of what would help.

Please note that I am asking specifically about extra-curricular activities or tuition, so I am not really after suggestions to absorb adult conversation or discuss issues with friends. They have had years, nay years, to absorb discussion at home. Both DH and I are very articulate individuals and spend hours in conversation with them. But DC will be reserved with a new adult and tend to stay quiet once a group conversation gets beyond them, including in situations with friends - I have listened in from the front seat of the car, as you do...

No formal diagnosis, but neurodiversity runs in the family and there is a little of that reluctance to communicate, quite self-contained, perhaps not always seeing the need for verbal expression...However, I could possibly convince them to take up something in Sixth Form on the basis of 'Don't you know everyone does this to prepare for interviews?' 😉

For info, they tend towards the sciences and do not enjoy anything to do with Drama or English Literature!

Thanks.

I would probably hire a voice coach for this situation, if you can afford it.

Do you know why they tend to stay quiet? I knew a girl like that and she spoke relatively little in a group, but what she did say was considered and worth hearing. Is your child just taking it all in? As the mother of a chatterbox almost 7 year old boy, there’s a lot to be said for thinking a bit before opening one’s mouth and just verbalising one’s every thought.

Toastmasters International?

Yes, thank you - that is why I came to Mumsnet.

I had forgotten about both voice coaching and Toastmasters.

The DC in question can say things that are quite apt in a one-on-one conversation, but I don’t think they are waiting to drop their wisdom into a group conversation. It’s more that they get bamboozled and zone out. 😁

But perhaps coaching might give a bit more fluency and confidence in an introduction-type scenario?

@BadSkiingMum I don’t think personality can be coached. If they have nothing to say, or add to a conversation, how can that be coached?

You are assuming it’s confidence but they hate drama and don’t really make an effort. If they were naturally interested in engaging with others, they would.

My DDs, at school, ran clubs, had leadership positions, and were generally fun to be around and gregarious. I think some dc are reserved and I’m not sure you can change that. Why do they not engage in conversation? If it’s indifference it’s a personality trait which is not going to change with with coaching.

Both my DDs did LAMDA and went to high grades but they had a natural interest in aciting and speaking, plus were confident: they did the paired syllabus. Cannot see how it helped them converse within a group though.

The best thing would be for them to have some one to one chats with someone who works in the field they're interested in.

My introverted, almost certainly autistic engineer DH becomes animated talking about engineering. I teach sixth form and he's come into my various schools many times to talk with students aiming at Oxbridge engineering. One student was so shy the first time she couldn't speak at all. After 3 goes she unbent and she got a Cambridge offer.

There will be such a person among your friends or school parents I'm sure.

Were you thinking of Oxbridge interviews or job ones?

Thanks for the comments. @MeetMeOnTheCorner It really isn’t ‘indifference’ or ‘not making an effort’, which seems a bit of a negative description? They are good natured, positive and have a very genial presence (always very positive school reports) but it is just expressed in a much quieter fashion.

It’s hard to describe what is needed (despite being rather verbose myself!) but I just want them to feel able to ‘put their best foot forward’ at that moment when someone asks them to sell themselves in a job interview. Again there is that sense of being quite self-contained and not quite getting that other people actually need to hear you say it…

Thank you @Phineyj. No one immediately comes to mind (quite a narrow range of professions in our immediate circles) but if I reach a bit wider there may be someone.

Oxbridge definitely isn’t on the cards! So unless other universities still interview these days (?) I am probably thinking of job interviews.

Has anyone had careers or interview coaching for themselves or their DC?

Following with interest as my autistic son is very similar.

Is there nothing at all offered through school? Every sixth form I've worked in has offered practice interviews. Have you actually asked the school careers' department?

It is unusual for universities to interview other than Oxbridge although there are exceptions, mostly where portfolios are required, such as art and architecture. Also for degree apprenticeships and sandwich courses.

I did esb.

it was more about preparing presentations and answering questions and similar. I wouldn’t really say it helped with group situations/interviews.

@BadSkiingMum As long as dc is articulate and can converse, they will be fine. I honestly don’t think you can teach how to do this. Dc need to have something to say and be able to answer sensibly and maybe give examples to back up their answers. I really don’t think LAMDA can do this. Nor interview practice at school. It’s too general.

It is possibly better to see if there are interview coaches but there’s more to getting a job than the interview.

In my view, there are a few rules. Basic engagement with the job and the company is vital and showing enthusiasm preferably. Do homework on the company. Know what they do. Dress appropriately. Wear clean polished shoes (people notice). Be neat and presentable. Look at people when you answer them. You can practice quite a lot at home but I think most switched on dc pick all of this up. There will probably be tests and even group sessions so having confidence in a group matters so does dc speak up in class at school? Do you chat at home and discuss anything? Some dc do struggle in interviews and do come across as uninterested and lacking the skills to chat with others and this looks like they aren’t team players.

My DDs loved drama but not everyone does. I would make sure he gets work experience too. Anything to put on the cv. These days a degree isn’t enough. So interview practice can come well before he’s a grad. Most degrees don’t interview.

Thanks all for the responses, I suspect that @Bunnybigears understands best what I am talking about…feel free to message me if you like?

As per my first post, my DH and I have both worked in professional environments and have interviewed/been on panels ourselves so naturally we know the basics, but our own DC is just a little bit different to the highly articulate young people whom you are describing! 🙂 But with support/input they generally do well and have a lot to offer a future employer.

They have done some volunteering and I am encouraging them to apply for various work experience schemes.

I am confident that their sixth form will have something on offer but I know from sixteen years of parenting that the DC in question can take their sweet time to pick something up 😁 hence my interest in topping up this input.

I will leave this here but have a few useful ideas to follow up, perhaps around vocal coaching or interview coaching. If I pursue this I will report back.

A gap year or our DDs case a 2 year gap year and just living and working has forced her to develop her social and verbal skills. She’s naturally quieter but intelligent and wanted to pursue a healthcare related degree / job that without more verbal communication skills wouldn’t get pass the interview. She volunteered with a sport she was involved in, that led to a qualification for some paid work which has led to a job and a second P/T job which has forced her to answer phones and talk to members of the public. She has grown so so much between 18-19 learnt alot about herself. She’s now ready to go to University aged 20 and applying for next year with a good wodge if savings plus life experience behind her. I’d find what your DD likes & try to get some volunteering experience to lead to a job and they should naturally develop those skills more.