School staff member took my child’s toy (for his own child) after confiscating items for sale

[Busyybee]

My DC has recently been selling squishy toys at school, he’s an entrepreneur in the making. However we told him it wasn’t a good idea and he carried on.

On Friday he got caught and his teacher gave me his school bag which contained ‘his stock’. They asked me to not allow him to bring them in as it’s not allowed. I told them I’m glad they’ve said it to him & he won’t be bringing them again. As the teacher handed me the bag, another staff member who works at the school asked to see what he was selling and went on to take 1 squishy & said ‘this will be nice for my daughter’. My DC asked him for the money & the staff member said ‘No, your lucky I didn’t take the lot’

My DC asked the staff member for the money or squishy back & he said ‘Na na your not getting it back, your lucky it wasn’t (deputy head) as she would of taken the lot’

This doesn’t sit right with me, value is only £1 but it’s the principle. What is this teaching the children?

What do I do about this?

First up, the teacher is in the wrong.

But, the other children selling stuff at school - is this with the school’s permission? Because if not, you undermine the school rules by not enforcing them with your child who should be listening to you when you say ‘no’. Parents that don’t support and back school rules can pass this on to children who also think they don’t need to follow them. Your child is learning from you.

You should be firm with your boundaries because it’ll get much harder as they get older if they think that your ‘no’ might actually mean ‘yes, because I don’t think it’s that big a deal’. It’s either important or it’s not.

But yes, emailing head about teacher taking a squishy is something you can certainly do and get it hopefully resolved.

But you don’t stop your child from taking the toys into school. Your child is in Year 6 and at that age you dont ask them not to do something like that - you TELL them not to. I agree that the teacher’s behaviour wasn’t right, but this wouldn’t have happened if you had stopped your child from taking the toys into school in the first place.

Id have given them all to the staff, and let him learn. But that's because I wouldnt have let it happen to start with if I knew.

It's just getting worse and worse for this teacher... giving his daughter a potentially unsafe stolen squishy. Would you want someone with this kind of judgment teaching your children?

I'm curious, would you blame OP's DC if the teacher's daughter did choke on the squishy?

They really would ring the police. And they would phone 999 for an ambulance when they have a sore throat. And they would phone 999 and ask the fire brigade to come and get their cat down from the top of a tree. 'I pay my taxes!'

Firstly when the staff member took the squishy on Friday as me & my dc walked away i told them ‘serves you right’. I told them they’ve lost it, so they can sit and feel bad about it. However deep down I felt the staff member would give it back to my child, so it’s a lesson learnt. However what doesn’t sit right with me (not discussed with dc) is that the staff member thinks they can benefit from a student for their own gain?! I couldn’t care less about the squishy, value is £1! I’m not going to call the police over it, but it’s the principal.

Today it’s a squishy, tomorrow it can be a smart phone!!

Their behaviour doesn’t sit right with me, also to mention my child’s teacher handed me over the school bag which contained the squishes and said for them not to bring it in etc. As the ‘thief’ staff member was standing there, they asked what happened - I told them. They asked to look at the squishes and casually said they would be taking 1 for their child! ———— This is not right!

Official guidance is that staff can confiscate any item banned under the school rules and use their judgement to decide whether to return, retain or dispose of it. They should take into account the value of the item, whether it is appropriate to return it and whether it is likely to disrupt the school.

If this teacher had taken the item and disposed of it, I would think it harsh but they would probably be in the clear. However, saying they were taking one for their child was, at the very least, stupid.

I would be demanding that all sales stop in school - I cannot believe that a primary school is allowing 'multiple' sales. It's not being an entrepreneur - it's being a pain in the ass.

Right - she’ll forward it to whoever deals with their complaints because emailing the Head is making a formal complaint. Though I’m sure it’s easier on the school if you follow their process from the get go instead of making the Head play postman.

No, I'd blame op and her partner for allowing it im school in the first place.

This whole thread I think shows how the relationship between parents and schools have broken down, and how parents will deflect from anything.

The obvious answer to this OP is to shrug and say to your child ‘well you shouldn’t have been doing it’. It’s a £1 squishy, not something of any value. What a perfect opportunity to teach your child FAFO!

Resilience and consequences are learned from moments like this, how much better to learn from something small like this than something huge as a teenager.

I don’t even think it’s terrible of the teacher, it’s a very minor sanction to something your DC shouldn’t have been doing.

If your main reaction to this incident is to spend so much emotional energy on the teacher’s conduct and not your child, I think you need to question what you are really teaching your DC. That you don’t hold them accountable but will always search for reasons someone else is ‘worse’?

I’d email the head about the staff member. You saw it, you can explain what you saw and the conversation you had.
id say ‘this was stealing. Your employee took something of my child’s, stating he would give it to his child. Can you explain the school policy that applies here and how it applies? Is there a value threshold above which staff don’t steal from children? Is anything my child owns fair game for being stolen and given to staff members children instead? I want my child’s property returned.

You're supposed to be the parent, why aren't you parenting? You told him not to take the things in but he ignored you and took them anyway....you allege the reacher took his toy but you didn't say anything there and then?
Think it's about time you started being more assertive, begin by teaching your little 'entrepreneur' to do as he's told and stop making excuses for him. I can tell you now, that won't be how they're describing him in the staffroom....!

@Busyybee you need to escalate to the head teacher. This is an appalling abuse of power. It has zero to do with your child selling, zero to do with the value of the item and everything to do with the fact the teacher has taken something that is not theirs from a CHILD.

Absolutely.

Man Id go to the principal. Honestly teacher is majorly overstepping and that is theft. He shouldn't pay for it but he made to give it back.
Im a really layed back person but that got my goat.

This comment is exactly what I think too. Stop focusing blame on te teacher and look at the bigger picture of your child doing something you asked them not too in Yr 6

Is that what you call your disobedient child?

entrepreneurial?

Hes a badly behaved child, who ignores your rules! Good luck when he’s a teenager!

Have you ever thought about saying "no" to your child rather than asking/suggesting?

Tell him to think of the loss as a fine

It's not about thoroughness of TT I bet n your times there was hardly anything taught on SEN and a bunch of other things like radicalisation, Prevent, FGM and many others. So trainees are taught a lot of other new things trainings in the past didnt include.

Your child was breaking the rules and brought some stuff into school to make money even though you told him not to (schools get a lot of complaints from other parents when children do this). One item got taken by a weird teacher. If that was my child I would just tell them that it was the risk he took when he brought stuff into school and broke the rules and ignored me.

How you deal with this will be part of a long process of of how you teach him to behave as a child, teenager and an adult. He will learn from this that he doesn't have to listen to you and even when he ignores you and legitimately gets into trouble you will take up petty grievances against other people on his behalf. Bear in mind, as they get older the stuff they sell to each other in school does tend to get less wholesome.

I wouldnt think they will escalate from this to stealing a blooming phone, no need exaggerate.
It will be a good lesson for little Delboy to not con his friends out of money- today it may be squishy toys, tomorow may be vapes (see what I did there?:).

This !

The adult should return your child’s property.

But when I read this part, I could hear my mum saying ‘and if your friend jumped from a cliff, would you too?’ When his friends might be tempted to shoplift/ take drugs/ skip school - whatever - you want your child to have their own moral compass.

This is one of those parenting moments. Sure, he’s only 10 (or whatever) now, but in a blink of an eye he’ll be 18. Being an entrepreneur is no excuse for not following the rules. Other people doing the wrong thing is not an excuse to do the wrong thing.

Personally I would tell him it's his own silly fault for taking the toys into school. He's disobeyed the school rules and your own request that he doesn't sell at school (although you don't actually seem to care so no wonder he's done what he wants), and now there are consequences.

Where is he getting these squishies? I'm assuming a Temu type place? You should be very careful, as they sell stuff that hasn't passed any of the safety checks we have in this country. Heaven forbid one of the kids he sells to gets injured by whatever toxic concoction is inside them.