Well behaved kids getting overlooked in school?

[Qwerty654321]

I work for a school and I have children in school. I feel really disillusioned with the education system. I am guessing this isn’t going to be a popular post but I’m going to risk it in the hope there are others who feel the same.

More and more I noticed well behaved children who go to school every day, try their best and complete their work, are increasingly being overlooked in the school system. Resource, training, praise, incentives are now all aimed at those who aren’t these children.

Children who are perceived to be well behaved and doing well are presumed to be ok. They don’t get the 1:1 conversations, rewards or attention that the others do. It really breaks my heart. I think a lot of these children don’t thrive as much as they could because so little focus is put on them.

I know that I am supposed to feel guilty for having these feelings but I don’t. I want the best for my children too.

can anyone relate?

I feel sorry for my well behaved kids.

I have a lot of trauma from my life; their step dad is very unwell and frequently hospitalized; their dad is controlling and difficult. DS is autistic and DD self harms under pressure. They don't have easy lives especially, and don't find their work easy but know how to behave. They are pretty invisible in school.

I worry, as I was the same until age 13, had 1 more major trauma and blew up. As I had no relationship with the school as I'd previously been 'good' I was absolutely unreachable to them. I liked to deliberately punish the school when I was distressed at my world. They were the cunts who'd never liked me and now ran round flapping when I set fire to things or attacked people, I really enjoyed how much damage and distress I could cause to the people who'd ignored me until now. I do worry that mine will be the same. I only targeted staff, never peers. I certainly got attention then, but no one liked it. Mine don't have the life I did though, so hopefully it won't happen...

TBF DS is hard as nails and the other kids know this and he's now got a reputation for being hard as has his Dad. The other kids tend to leave him alone now. It's his mate who isn't tough like that - hence DS taking punches for him in the first place. He does other sports which require him to be pretty tough rather than army cadets. DS should be fine at high school too. He's in a position where a lot of older kids are likely to look out for him too. So that's not what I'm concerned about.

Its the emotional stuff that's harder to deal with for him. Like pp have said about their kids, he's very aware of what's going on and earwigs. He is super sensitive and has a massive sense of injustice. He is already going the teachers are useless etc in yr6. Again another massive cynic here (very much without prompting). We are having to teach him that he has to learn to suck up some of the bollocks and that's how school is and yes it's not fair some kids are dickheads who ruin it for everyone. We need to work on his confidence too but that's difficult with a kid who doesn't like getting anything wrong.

bullying isn’t about your child’s self-confidence it’s about the bullies’ trauma, anxieties and lack of confidence. unfortunately in many areas these kinds of bullies would resort to knife crime to get their point across if your child actively fought back.

It’s a pisstake I’m 26 and it was like this when I was a kid, naughty kid gets star of the week for only throwing two glue sticks at the teacher instead of their usual three. Then in high school the big end of the year trophy going to the naughty little shit who managed to behave for one day while the kids who were good all year had to sit and watch.
It hasn’t changed my sons 10 and he’s questioning it too

My DD has just finished secondary school. She was a quiet, head down, get on with it type of child. Totally under the radar. On her last day of school she said that after 12 years of school she thought it was really disappointing that she never once got a ‘star of the week’, certificate, award, lunch with the Head, or recognition of any kind. I told it wasn’t sad. It was appalling. How can a child go through the school system with zero recognition?

She’s now at college and within the first 6 weeks I’ve received a ‘praise’ email telling me how great she is. I knew that but it was finally nice to be told!