Well behaved kids getting overlooked in school?

[Qwerty654321]

I work for a school and I have children in school. I feel really disillusioned with the education system. I am guessing this isn’t going to be a popular post but I’m going to risk it in the hope there are others who feel the same.

More and more I noticed well behaved children who go to school every day, try their best and complete their work, are increasingly being overlooked in the school system. Resource, training, praise, incentives are now all aimed at those who aren’t these children.

Children who are perceived to be well behaved and doing well are presumed to be ok. They don’t get the 1:1 conversations, rewards or attention that the others do. It really breaks my heart. I think a lot of these children don’t thrive as much as they could because so little focus is put on them.

I know that I am supposed to feel guilty for having these feelings but I don’t. I want the best for my children too.

can anyone relate?

It was ever thus, OP, although I do believe it’s worse now.

I am lucky enough to be able to put my DC in private, mainly for this reason. I honestly think I’d homeschool if I couldn’t afford to keep them there.

Completely agree with this, however I am a governor and we have requested that there is a system designed for these invisible kids. The student survey picked up how they were feeling so we are bringing them in to design a system that works for them too. First thing we did from their feedback was we now have a rewards pod where students who hit certain targets can go at lunchtime. We have it set up with games, books, it is like a space in a home with sofas, and a member of the pastoral team is there to chat to anyone that needs it (or book at chat if too many at once). So far, feedback has been overwhelming positive from that group.

Are the targets all broadly the same, or does little Jimmy get to go if he manages not to throw his rubber at someone for a week? As if he does, it’s just more of the same.

Yes. You're correct. And it's been this way for decades.
If you show up and you're not late
and you're dressed inappropriately
and you don't bother the other students
and you don't bother the teachers
you don't make noise
and you bring your homework
and you sit quietly
and you answer the questions
and you do what you're asked to do, you're ignored because all the attention is spent on those who are not doing those things. The ones you were causing trouble.
The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
The nice quiet smooth easy riding wheel is ignored.

No at my kids school each teacher gives out positive points based on the school values and attitude. Those kids then get rewards for their behaviour. They also have many awards nights so I wouldn’t say this is true at all schools. Regular state school btw.

My daughter went through the whole of secondary school with the head teacher not knowing her name and never once speaking to her .
She was never in trouble for anything
Got excellent exam results,ended up in the top 5 % of exam results,and still got over looked when the school took the highest achievers round universities
It was bizarre,like they just didn't see her .
Teachers frequently got her name wrong

No, definitely not. We listened to feedback from students who had input on the parameters.
Little Jimmy gets to go to a different space.

Where do you teach now? That’s a bit steep calling it a cess pit….

This is so true. Often those with SEN who manage to behave through masking and trying really hard, but are never ever recognised. The education system as it stands has done permanent damage to my son's self esteem. My younger 2 also behaved well but they have exam results as their reward.

In the early years, both my boys were overlooked. They were always at the end of the list to be star of the week, and never got any special attention. My eldest is bright and was pretty compliant. My youngest was less able and almost silent in school.

It eventually became clearer and clearer than my youngest has special needs, but because he was quiet, he never got any support and some teachers even said he didn't have SEN because he was so well behaved. He rarely completed work and was clearly falling behind, but very little support was put into place because he wasn't a 'problem to the school'. When we produced diagnostic evidence and suggestions for support from specialists, we were told they could not provide it, and were asked not to apply for an EHCP because they wouldn't be able to fulfil it for 'a child like him'. It seemed that because he behaved well, and did not disrupt the class, he was never going to be a priority.

Hmmm. My children have never said “I want it because they have it.” I think you’ve misunderstood. This is the kind of response I thought I would receive. You are trying to make me feel guilt for wanting equal treatment for all children.

To my children, they look up to the their teachers. They respect them and they listen to them. For that reason, they deserve to be recognised and visible to the teachers for their own self esteem. They deserve recognition and reward for their efforts and good behaviour in their own right. Why should they be left thinking “what am I doing wrong? Am I not enough?” It has nothing to do with what the kids screaming and banging in the corridor are doing and earning.

I work in a school. I know how it works. I have carried the books around the school with a child, showing staff when a child has completed a page of work for the first time in weeks. I’ve never walked around with a piece of work from a child who completes their work all the time. I’ve never done “jobs” with the children who sit in class and pay attention. I’ve seen sweets given to children for completing a piece of work for the first time in a while when the other children are in class doing the same work with no sweets. These treats and incentives don’t work either!

I’m not screaming “It’s not fair” and I won’t be shamed into thinking that.

Im not saying my kids school is perfect... but it is one thing they are getting right. A child who behaves well, does all their work, tries hard (not necessarily top of the class but trying) can accumulate points easily, and get various awards. My Yr10 just got a handwritten postcard in the post from the headteacher saying how well she had worked this term.

However she does complain she's used as a "buffer" in lessons... the old trick of using the quiet girls to separate chatty boys.

Yes, though we are in private and its slightly different as we have a lot of kids with ADHD who get priority meaning others get left to their own devices

Yes I agree op.

it’s because there are so few resources. Class sizes are too big to manage so teachers resort to these type of things to try to control children who struggle with their behaviour. It’s crowd control. No child’s needs are truly being met, they’re just trying to keep some order in the chaos. So much of children’s time in school in wasted on behaviour and management because the resources and systems aren’t there for it to be more productive. Utter waste of time.

I minded the lack of recognition a lot less than I minded my kids being used as crowd control: in seating plans always put next to disruptive kids so they could exert a positive influence. Which negatively impacted their ability to concentrate and get on with their own learning

Hit the nail on the head.
My eldest in y6, is an amazing pupil. Every parents consultation I’m told she is a role model student, the teacher “don’t know she’s got her” in class, she’s working way above expected in almost every subject, her work is done to an exceptional standard, she helps the teacher and helps other pupils with their work. I can count on one hand the amount of times she’s had a certificate or been rewarded for her effort and work. It’s so sad. She says it to me regularly. Instead, the children who misbehave, throw shit around the class, abuse the teacher, and pick on other pupils, have one ‘good’ day or produce a few lines of work and they get all the praise and rewards. I’m fed up of it and actually have a parents consultation this afternoon where I’ll be raising it.

Yes I agree.

This!!!!
My daughter has to sit next to a child who refuses to work and gets given a basket of Lego all day, which he builds and is so distracting for my daughter. How is that ok! They’re in year 6 so are 10-11 years old and going to secondary school next year.

It’s less of an issue in grammar schools as the majority there are well behaved and compliant. It’s why many people choose grammar schools for their DC, not because they want to hothouse them.
Most of society is like this. Even the tax system punishes the compliant hardworking ones.

I found this at primary school, with star of the week etc, but not so much at secondary school. At my DC's school you get an achievement point for a positive thing and a behaviour point for a negative thing (or detention if it's more serious) and the achievement points are aimed at recognising good behaviour and good attitude as well as attainment.

Yep. Add to this that 'more able and talented' provision isn't really mentioned anymore. If your child is bright they are often left unchallenged/ bored.

This is my youngest, bless her. Academically she struggles (particularly in maths) that’s been highlighted for years. No help or extra support offered. She has ulcerative colitis, liver disease and recently been made aware she may have autism. She feels poorly a lot and is on immunosuppressive medications and she goes to school when well enough, behaves, tries to listen in class which I must admit sounds like a zoo and completely out of control, the children are feral in there and the teacher isn’t coping with the level of behavioural issues at the moment (another parent had a meeting with head teacher due to this). She struggles to retain information when it comes to putting pen to paper and really cannot concentrate with the noise levels in class but, nothing I say is being listened to or getting her any help and she comes home sad and frustrated every day. She has no confidence. Especially when she’s handed a heat map on how her progress is on maths and a lot of it is in red (what you’re “bad” at) which I thinks totally unnecessary. She’s in year 4 so she’s 8.

It starts from nursery. If your kid is calm, kind, plays well etc, they get far less attention.

Had the same with my 3 daughters who are now mid 20s. All quiet, studious, conscientious children. The eldest was made to sit next to a very disruptive child in year 4. The teacher told me she thought my daughter could help the other child to keep calm and help her with her work. That was the final straw for us and we transitioned to home education very soon afterwards.