What things do you remember from your schooldays that would have the MN police screeching for Ofsted/Social Services/the Police?

[frogs]

Prompted by a discussion with a group of old schoolmates which confirmed a memory so bizarre that I always thought I must have hallucinated it. But no, it turns out that in the early 80s, in a bog-standard Catholic comprehensive in provincial England we did in fact spend our history lessons learning to sing overtly pro-IRA rebel songs, such as The men behind the wire and Tiocfaidh ár lá. Bearing in mind that this was during the hunger strikes in the early Thatcher years, when Sinn Fein was considered so dangerous that Gerry Adams' voice was dubbed on the news (remember that?) it's only just dawned on me how seditious the whole thing was. Unbe-bloody-lievable. Can you imagine the hoo-hah if that happened today?

And on a very different note, another friend confirmed that when we went to boarding school aged 15, we were allowed one clean shirt per week which was worn from Monday to Saturday inclusive (we had a different one for Sundays). In a school full of teenage girls. And hair washing was by rota only, limited to once a week. Rank.

So what badness, madness or just plain weirdness did you take in your stride at school which would be unthinkable today?

I remember a bolshie classmate not eating her disgusting nutritious lunch of braised liver. It was kept & brought out for 3 consecutive lunchtimes, & she was presented with it with dire threats by the staff if she didn't eat it (think of the starving children in Africa etc etc)

Her mother came in on the third lunchtime & "had words"-it was never mentioned again

Our headmistress had "The Slipper" which was reserved for Very Naughty Children, who had to stand outside her office as we all filed back to class past the miscreant, whispering & gawping. My brother brought shame on the family by getting it 3 times in his short school career!!!

Did I mention they were nuns? I sense a theme occuring on this thread......

Two week school trips to the arse end of nowhere (Scottish Highlands) organised by the music dept - basically, any kid who had an interest in making music could come along. The lodge really was in the middle of nowhere, meaning that every trip instantly descended into drunken anarchy - 11pm waterfights outside in the freezing cold; midnight walks through the inky blackness to a rickety jetty on the edge of a loch, where we would all get pissed and stoned and at least one person would decide to go swimming (no adults notified, of course); constant sneaking between girls' and boys' dorms. The teachers were just as bad tbh, quite a few times if the head of music was in expansive enough mood we would sit up covertly swigging spirits while he drank whiskey and rambled on about nothing. Lots of extremely unsafe mapless walks along slippery river banks and through tangled woods. They were great school trips

A seriously misogynist CDT teacher who used to bully and harass a timid friend of mine - he used to make her come for extra lessons after school (claiming she was too rubbish to pass without them) and spend the whole time belittling her and telling her she was stupid and worthless. He was eventually sacked for throwing a pupil over some railings

A class in my year convinced one of the supply teachers that there was a monkey on the school roof that needed rescuing - he went out onto the ledge - they locked all the windows and stood inside pissing themselves laughing while he tried to get back in

My creepy-as-fuck loathsome form tutor offering a friend and I a lift home one rainy day, then taking us to his own house instead of dropping us off, where he proceeded to mooch about telling us how his wife had just left him and he was so lonely. We eventually made our escape after an hour!

Some of the younger, funkier teachers organising a canalboat trip with some of the older pupils, that by all accounts was an utter drunken farce from start to finish

Teachers buying drinks in local pubs for kids they knew were underage.

Oh, my brother's chemistry-geek mate making a series of experimental bombs to stave off boredom in his chemistry lessons, then setting them off in the toilets.

Chemistry teacher regularly setting fire to lab when experiments went wrong.

Pigeons roosting in the rafters and crapping on our beds.

Having fire alarm practices in the middle of the night so our housemistress could inspect the contents of our laundry bags particularly our knickers

Piano teacher hiding from me (behind door quite obviously) so he didn't have to give me lesson but could shag violin teacher instead.

Abortions performed by 'the doctor' (UVth former) in bogs with a coathanger ...

I remember in our comp we went to Scotland in April and 3 girls who would'nt go to sleep and stayed up chatting were hauled outta bed by maths teacher who then made them stand outside in the snow FFS in their nighties for 3 hours.

Just remembered the school cruise years ago on the school cruise ship 'Nevasa'. We were 11 years old and went to Madeira, Tenerife and Casablanca. We were actually allowed to roam ashore unsupervised in groups of 6 in all these places. This would probably be unthinkable now.

Yes, we were dragged out of our beds and made to run round the playing fields in our nighties for talking after lights out.

My old headmistress buying a round for everyone in my year at the christmas party in the 5th year, but then getting so drunk she passed out and had to be taken to hospital to have her stomach pumped!

Same woman wrote a reference for me to go on a competitive to get onto summer campy thing, when I popped into her office to tell her I'd got a place she immediately went over to a huge cabinet which was stuffed full with all sorts of alcoholic drinks and proceeded to have a glass of scotch with me. I was 13 and it was 8.30am!!!!!

In the 6th form I was wearing a rather short skirt and the head of 6th form told me it was indecent, too short etc, same headmistress comes round the corner and he asks her what she thinks, her reply was that 'BellaDonna has the legs for it doesn't she though, besides its no shorter than mine...'

She was a strange woman who used to spank anything that moved. In a slightly creepy, kninky sort of way...

Slippering (primary)

Knicker checking (to check that nametapes were sewn in) in Secondary

Seriously dodgy female PE teacher WATCHING us communally shower stark naked and making us go round again if she thought we were not clean enough (secondary)

Lots of pervy PE teachers on this thread I see!

At primary school I remember the teacher calling a boy 'nig-nog'! He was a vicious old bastard.

At primary naughty children were shaken until they behaved... one boy even got shaken on his first day st school, for having a tantrum. I will never get that image out of my head.

Even worse at middle school.. the headteacher had a penchant for sticking his hands down his trousers during classes, assemblies... even with swimming trunks on . They used to call him teh king of pocket billiards, among other things.

Some of the stories from the boys at school were pretty disturbing actually.. on school trips away would go into the boys dorm and tickle them

He'd be in a LOT of trouble these days.

Our music teacher at secondary school used to drop his pen on the floor every lesson so he could look up girl's skirts. We used to think he was weird but just tried to make sure we sat at the back. A couple of years ago I read in the local paper that he's in prison now.

castlesintheair please tell me the coathanger abortion one was just a rumour!

Teachers would drop DH's homework on the floor at their feet for DH to pick up, other pupils would have theirs placed on their desk.

When my brother was shown to his room when he started his new school, he was told "the boy who was in here last term hung himself".

Sadly not cyteen

Jesus

I have fond memories of the nuns at primary school shaking me and jabbing their fingers into the foreheads of small children for not paying attention.

castlesintheair did you go to school in whitby?

We used to keep our crayons in old tobacco tins

My primary school teacher used to call a boy with ginger hair "carrot top"

Oh and the time i dared have another nose bleed and i was made to sit with blood running down my face as i was told that holding it was no good.And the time i was made to do 'Chairs'(clearing/stacking them in canteen)whilst having a broken arm.

When I was in reception a supply teacher put me in her cupoboard because I put water in the sand tray. (Repeatedly, I admilt )

In secondary school I had a teacher who used to buy me drinks (I was 15) whenever I went into out local pub where he had a second job!! He also wrote in my leavers book 'Best Ass in school' then signed it

Walking to school aged 5 with only my friend for company.

Kids getting the ruler for bad behaviour

My brother had a primary teacher for a year who was a witch who loathed boys. Most of the boys in her class were prescribed valium from the local GP!! Funny how none of the parents or even the bloody doctors thought to do anything about it.

Being taken on school trip to an agricultural show in a group of 4 or 5 - we had a parent who was supposed to be looking after us but she just said "off you go, see you at 2pm". We roamed free all day

I remember at uni, laughing with a friend of mine whose hippy mother sent him to school with a carrot instead of a Curlywurly and he got laughed at by all the other kids. Other way round now!

LOL SniffyHock!

An acquaintance of mine went to a very well-known Catholic boarding school up north, and among other things told me that 'crucifixions' (boys being tied to their beds, then the beds being stood on end) were commonly practiced by the monks.

Primary school 'Smoking is bad for you lesson' involved each child being given a lit cigarette and colecting the tar on a piece of cotton wool.

At primary school in Ireland, girls in the top class were on a rota for making the tea/laying the table in the staff room and washing up afterwards.
Boys were on rota to serve at any funerals at the church next door.

Everyone was taken a term to the church to say confession.

Teavher used to pop out 'to get something' and leave us alone for an hour or so. He would come back empty handed but smelling of beer.

Big TV being wheeled into the classroom to watch EnglandvIreland in the world cup(1990)

lol how have i only cottoned on to this thread now!
regular board rubbers thrown at us, backs of legs slapped with ruler if socks not pulled up, my history teacher propped on a chair clipping his toe nails in class! disgusting!! one teacher going completely mental in primary school and trashing the classrooms (she left) one teacher turned orange (really) too many carrots apparently! p.e in knickers and vest, being made to eat with knife and fork the proper way (am left handed)by being screamed at (in primary school) by headteacher. and er vomiting all my breakfast down myself one day, being stripped to my underwear and driven home. love this!!