What things do you remember from your schooldays that would have the MN police screeching for Ofsted/Social Services/the Police?

[frogs]

Prompted by a discussion with a group of old schoolmates which confirmed a memory so bizarre that I always thought I must have hallucinated it. But no, it turns out that in the early 80s, in a bog-standard Catholic comprehensive in provincial England we did in fact spend our history lessons learning to sing overtly pro-IRA rebel songs, such as The men behind the wire and Tiocfaidh ár lá. Bearing in mind that this was during the hunger strikes in the early Thatcher years, when Sinn Fein was considered so dangerous that Gerry Adams' voice was dubbed on the news (remember that?) it's only just dawned on me how seditious the whole thing was. Unbe-bloody-lievable. Can you imagine the hoo-hah if that happened today?

And on a very different note, another friend confirmed that when we went to boarding school aged 15, we were allowed one clean shirt per week which was worn from Monday to Saturday inclusive (we had a different one for Sundays). In a school full of teenage girls. And hair washing was by rota only, limited to once a week. Rank.

So what badness, madness or just plain weirdness did you take in your stride at school which would be unthinkable today?

naily, belted on a bare bottom?????

That is seriously pervy

Being sent on cross country runs unsupervised in woodlands with pervy blokes lurking around - and being told we should run faster to get away if we said anything about it!

Lots of unsupervised science 'experiments,' which always resulted in something/one getting burned.

Physical punishments as others have mentioned.

One particularly bizarre teacher, who made kids stand in the bin, and then he would write something on their foreheads in red pen.

Not being allowed to go to the loo during lessons - even if you had your period and were about to bleed everywhere.

Being kept back late, and no notification given to parents.

Showers after PE - you had to leave your towel on a peg and then run across the changing room whilst the undoubtedly lesbian gym mistress watched.

Ahh, happy days, I don't think!

You mean me, cod? That was at primary school, not boarding. People did get hit/slippered/rulered at primary, boys mainly. Think that was normal for the time, though. But the idea of having that filthy dusty board rubber in your mouth [gag].

Nobody has yet trumped my memory of mass renditions of "Armoured cars and tanks and guns, came to take away our sons..."

Probably just as well, thinking about it...

snogging teachers (secondary)

not really allowed now as I understand it

Rulers on knuckles, bashing our heads together literally. Standing you out on your own outsidein the dark (aged 10) if caught talking after lights out. Creepy chemistry teacher rubbing his balls against my desk.

double ruler on back of hand (primary)

cane on legs (primary)

I'm only 32 but was Catholic educated

omg hospital corners what was the point.

No drinks allowed in primary school AT ALL. For the whole day, including lunch. In case we spilled them . We had one water fountain in the playground shared between 150 kids which used to freeze solid from November to March. I am surprised we didn't all die of kidney failure.

Oh and the fact PE kit was only airtex t-shirt and nylon shorts even in the depths of winter and nothing else permitted. In northern Scotland. Jumpers were for the weak

Thrown board dusters - check
Ruler across the knuckles - check
PE done in knickers and vest if no kit - check

Rabid Scottish nationalist teacher who encouraged firebombing of English owned highland holiday homes

We used to sing that in the playground Frogs. But even in our staunchly Republican village, actually singing it in class would have been frowned upon.

Boy's head banged on the desk by the teacher with the words "You're not looking at the sheet!"
He had a big nosebleed afterwards.

We had King Solomon's Mines read out to us in top year Juniors - great plot, but full of words like nigger and a fairly overt "black people aren't like us" message.

At Senior school, one revolting male teacher used to feel girls' bums through the hole cut out of the seat of our stools in the science room.

I'm 37.

teachers throwing board rubbers and chalk at students.

primary school teacher rapping boy over the knuckles until he got all his spellings correct.

art teacher at secondary school who picked an overweight boy off the floor by grabbing the boys' stomach and lifting.

same art teacher shouting at me because I hadn't gor the reflection right when drawing the edges of a piece of broken glass. He then went over to a bathroom cabinet on the wall (used for storing first aid kit), took out one of the glass doors, lifted it over his head, threw it on the floor, and told me to move my chair over to the shards so I could see the light reflections!

maths teacher sobbing at every lesson because she had rather impressive norks, and the boys used to comment on them very loudly.

science teacher locking a boy in a store cupboard for an entire lesson because boy switched his bunsen burner on before donning lab coat.

various male PE teachers defending school when a marauding hoarde of boys from rival school came to ours and started fighting in the playground. pupils were barricaded inside, cheering through the windows, and the teachers were outside punching and kicking pupils from other school with rather too much enthusiasm.

That's the benefits of a CofE education for ya!

lolol @ humprehy's teachers having a fight in the playground! hilarious!

ha, I've just remembered our physics teached tried to demonstrate wave motion with one of those slinky things shouting "Come here, girl, and hold this. The more you jiggle it, the kinkier it gets"

Another one with a teacher that banged children's heads together...frequently...in reception

A lad in my class was crucified during RE.

Well, he had to stand against the blackboard on his tiptoes going up and down in a demo of what would have happened. As the class joker he took it in good spirits.

Also our head of year used to give my female friend a lift to school each morning. She lived quite a long way away and walked to school.

In fact I remember lifts from male teachers all the time after school events etc. CP procedures wouldn't allow that now.

wet bus-stop, she's waiting, his car is warm and dry

those were the days

Stting, hatless and lotionless, outside on the school field in july, not being allowed to move, on what was usually the hottest day of the year. Not being allowed a drink, or to go to the toilet, it was 'teacher's cricket day'.

Kids used to faint - then they were allowed to go and sit in the shade.

After I developed sunstroke, my mum started keeping me off!

I grew up in Italy, so there must have been some cultural differences. This is what I remember, anyway.

• primary school teacher once bringing in the class 6 chocolate mini eggs to give out only to her favourite pupils.

• my much loved teacher of modern literary and latin lighting up a ciggy when people didn't know their lesson and pretending to cry.

plus in Italy we got tested once a week in front of the blackboard from a very young age.

I went to a catholic primary school next to the church / vicarage. When the old priest died they laid hi in state in his coffin in the church and made us file past and touch his hand. Something about touching the dead cleansing your soul. I can still remember how it felt now (i'm 34).

I was 10. I had nightmares for weeks after.

No helmets on bikes, seat belts were an option only, babies put in carry cots on back seat of car. Being able to wander at will in the fields by our house for hours on end. Being let out of school to deliver harvest festival goodies from school to various old folk around Clevedon at the age of 11.

went on school trip to belguim, used to buy cans of stella from the large fridges outside every little shop and went into nightclubs! early on mind, but even so!...thats why dd will neevr go away with the school!..i was 13 FFS!

science teacher used to make girls open the window in the class so he cud look up their skirts

At my secondary school in Paris we used to have an re lesson in the loft. Up a really rickety staircase to a small room with a very dodgy floor. It had a trap door in the middle which we used to get opened and gobbed through.

At my English comp we had the scariest geography teacher who had a thin skeletor face and he used to absolutley scream in your face when angry (most of the time).Terrifying sadistic man.

Dinner lady urging all girls to take off their vests and run round in summer
Bully PE teachers
The slipper and the cane (not a porno disney movie but punishment 'choices')
Walking home about a mile through a park, over 2 main roads
Being sent for my nan's cigs
Playing with mercury at primary school (although to be fair they did call out a shedload of doctors when they found us!)

Camping in lake district on lower sixth camp. All teachers went off to pub to celebrate an engagement, all kids left behind got very drunk, teachers pitched up at about midnight also drunk and decided it was a good idea for us all to go canoeing- pitch black night on the lake...