What to do with a bright child?

[Mumanddone]

I will be accused of bragging but I really am looking for genuine ideas here please.

4yo DD has started reception. She is in a private school. She can read fluently, writes and her maths skills are great. She is basically bilingual. She carries a conversation like a grown up - she’s hugely imaginative and great fun to talk to. She’s not some prodigy - she’s actually a bit of a silly little girl prone to not listening but she is objectively very very bright.

When I observe her peers, I don’t feel like they are on the same wavelength for the most part. Some of them are barely able to string a sentence together and they still seem to have very infantile form of expression. DD makes friends easily and is happy to play with anyone but at the same time - will this hold her back?

we decided for private school to boost her, but wondering if this is enough. I suppose there is a sliding scale to private education. Are there places better suited for her? Or is there something we should be doing to support her at home/ outside. She does the general run of clubs ie: drama, swimming etc.

Ok. I’m glad it made your life easier and have you a stronger sense of yourself.

It’s also quite common to be bright and have great social skills.

I know and teach many autistic kids and carry no prejudice. If a diagnosis gives you confidence, great.

Honestly the best things you can do are teach her to be resilient, curious, kind and to have empathy. With those things and natural intelligence she will be able to do anything. Pushing her academically - what’s the point? She is already ahead and she will keep absorbing information and learning new skills quickly if she has proved that already.

Have lots of interesting conversations about ‘big questions’, like “are numbers real?” and “what is the difference between something be fair and everyone being equal?” And encourage her to think deeply by justifying her opinions. There are good books for this like “wise owls book of thunks”.

Buy her some verbal and non-verbal reasoning books too. She will probably find them a lot of fun (look up Bond non-verbal reasoning) and they will develop ger creative and logical reasoning skills.

Adding to my post above. You’re a teacher so probably teaching you to suck eggs, but think about breadth of learning rather than pushing forwards. So keep doing what you’re doing in terms of museums and reading etc.

I'm confused. I just answered your question.

I've been following this thread for 24hrs now and your replies have really intrigued me. You seem incredibly defensive.

What did you want out of your post? What kind of answers or support were you looking for?

I think learning to cope with failure is very important. I saw children reach the end of primary school having complete meltdowns because they just didn't know what to do when, eventually, they started to get things wrong as work became more challenging.

I still remember this from 40 years ago, the creation of DS1:

There was a young lady called Mummy,
Who lay on the ground on her tummy,
Along came a bird
And dropped a big t**d
Right on Mummy's bummy.

OK, it doesn't scan and it's very rude, but cuddled up in the dark under the covers, our secret and conspiratorial glee was all that mattered.

My four year old who has just started is pretty good. She likes to read books aimed at her age group, including poems, fiction, non fiction. But she also will if asked be able to read any adult text with only a slight hesitation over an occasional word. If she is reading a text aimed at children it would often be better in that even on first reading she can get good timing and emotion/emphasis if reading aloud. Everyone who ha encountered her at preschool or so far school has ever witnessed similar, nor has my own DM who is a teacher. What I find surprising is that she taught herself, she never had to go through an extended phase of blending or whatever.

It’s partly memory. You tell how a letter sounds, she has it. You won’t have to tell her a second time. Her skills in Maths are equally surprising. I do suspect some kind of ND but time will tell I guess. The school have raised the idea of putting her up into another year, but that’s really problematic for me because she is very much her own age, even young for her age, in every other way.

Chess is excellent actually at showing failure and how you can’t be perfect. DD did lots of competitions when at primary and was on the county team with probably a win rate of 50%. She did online tournaments in Covid and ranged from 1/6 to 4/6 playing similar opposition

BUT chess comp days are brutal I’m not sure anyone misses them once she quit!

That's very sad and it's so difficult trying to prepare them for failure. I hope your DD2 learns not to be so hard on herself.

You’re one of the lucky ones in that your child is bright, probably gifted, but can operate in the mainstream world. I raised one of those. I was lucky in that the school system had an excellent program for gifted children so that end was taken care of. I myself went to parenting classes, read parent magazines, bought books on understanding the gifted child and this is important. Gifted children’s brains are wired differently and you need to understand that so you will understand and get along with your child. Good luck although I don’t think you’ll need any.

Sorry about the unkind comments you’ve had on here. Some deliberately like to cause arguments instead of answer your queries. It stems from insecurity and unhappiness I think OP. You are doing a great job encouraging your daughter and that’s to be commended.

I, nor my daughter advanced for our ages when at primary school bu both loved to read and learn. We were both quite introverted but came out our shells as school went on and both have a great group of friends. We both started learning piano and guitar when younger as we loved listening to all sorts of music so I’d suggest that from a young age as it’s so much easier to pick up. I just regret not continuing with piano when I became a teenager.

you do you OP and only you on this post know your daughter x

@Inyournewdress they were considering putting dd2 up a year but I'm very thankful it never happened as socially it wouldn't have worked. It might be okay if your dd is one of the older ones in the year but dd2 was one of the youngest and dd1 was in the year above. When dd1 went into y4 they changed the teachers around with y3. We told dd2 she was in Mrs X's class and dd1 went hysterical. Luckily she soon realised they weren't in the same class (dd2 was already with her for English and Maths).

Is she musical?

A lovely relative is super bright (now a fellow and a professor of a science subject at an Oxford college with as wiki page she invents things I don’t even understand ).

Such a lovely person but she hated primary as her parents sent to a rural school full of thick kids who were mean to her as they thought she was weird for being so clever. And yes I will call them thick as they were mean so deserve it.

You can call them mean, but calling them “thick” just brings you down to that level & I say that as someone who was bullied in school. One of the girls who bullied me came over to me in a pub years later & apologised. She has since taken her own life. Life is complex.

I’ve found that bright kids often lack an awareness that they are one of a larger group and they don’t appreciate that others also deserve space & a chance to answer questions. I’ve had adult conversations interrupted by kids who wanted to tell me what they knew which is fine every now & again, but can be a bit painful.

Late to the thread here but my recommendations would be keep up the fun, silly games/experiences together. Play without any educational aim, ask questions about her (not just ones that are for an educational purpose) and keep taking her to places that have no educational value (softplay) to mess around. Celebrate her silliness and relaxed moments as much as any academic- related achievements. Tell her you’re proud of her for something other than her achievements. Try to avoid telling her she’s so clever or so smart or intelligent. Instead focus on praising the skills she’s showing (I love how you asked what that word meant so you could understand or how you read that character voice with expression or how you figured out how to solve that problem).

Re reading, other teachers have mentioned it but keep an eye on her comprehension. I’ve seen lots of kids start on huge books with no clue what they’re really reading! You can get dice which asks questions covering inference/summarising/prediction or just ask her to remind you what happened in a book or what might happen based on the cover of the book. But don’t turn every reading session into a game/lesson. Let her just read sometimes so she keeps enjoying it (as that’s the best outcome!).

I also agree to find new things for her to try that she might not be able to do quickly or easily. See how she deals with struggling. It might take you a while to figure out what she’s less confident in but she needs to build up those skills. Watch her when she is frustrated/unable to do something easily. What’s her perseverance like? How does she express frustration? Can she label negative emotions? The risk with kids who find things easy is that when they face a true challenge, it’s almost an identity crisis. They connect their sense of self/self worth with their ability to do things so it’s a huge shock when something doesn’t quite click. The more she can handle those emotions now, the less they will define her when she is older and has more complicated emotions (good old teen years!).

Being invested in your child is no bad thing. When done in a healthy way, it’s one of the best ways to support your child’s wellbeing. Being proud of having a polite, articulate child is no bad thing. Looking out for any additional needs in any child is no bad thing - all parents should do this so kids can get the support they need. I’m sorry this hasn’t been the most positive thread but there has been some great advice which I hope helps you and your DD.

Yes I totally agree it just wouldn’t work. Bless your DD2!

@Mumanddone completely agree with this. My DD had the same issue struggled when she didn't get 100% in a test as was so used to having 100% in primary so we put her into sports too, she was great at her high school but completely out matched county and national level. After a couple of loses she learnt to deal with it.

Dd1 and 2 are now in their early 30s and at primary school they were on the gifted and talented register. This meant they were able to access courses run by the children's university based in Luton. These courses were deliberately different eg they did film making, trampolining, self defence, astronomy amongst others. It was still around when ds (22) was in primary and he had a great time doing foraging and outdoor skills. Sadly it went out of 'business' soon after but it was a great resource.

I’ve no doubt it was a great experience but why would public funds be spent on these types of activities for certain kids who are doing better than average when so many are disadvantaged & struggling.

I think that “gifted” kids probably do need additional stimulation but there are many, many children who have various additional needs & a lot of them seem to get little to nothing.

Any particular reason for brass? Violin is probably more suitable if you want to start her quite soon - so long as you can find the right teacher / teaching set-up.

Do you mind me asking which musical instrument and how that went? I’ve always understood that there’s not much they have the motor skills for at 4.

"Everyone's a bit on the spectrum"
The most uneducated, ableist response that people say about autistic people. I truly have no words.

As parents it’s hard to spot our own children’s areas for development. Teachers won’t necessarily give a completely honest view (I say that as a teacher) so I’d really consider where she needs more support. I’ve taught a few exceptional four year olds and your daughter sounds like one but I’ve never come across a child who is exceptionally bright and talented at sport and doing well socially (I’m sure I’m wrong and there are children like this!) usually an exceptional child needs to have a go at things they aren’t so exceptional to learn to develop resilience, developing their feelings of having to try at something.

Brass is quite difficult for young children because the instruments are heavy and you don't just blow into the mouthpiece to get a sound. There's a good reason why primary schools used to start children off with recorders, even if they do sound awful! A young child can learn a lot quite quickly on a recorder - knowledge that can be used for other instruments when they grow and develop better coordination.