What to do with a bright child?

[Mumanddone]

I will be accused of bragging but I really am looking for genuine ideas here please.

4yo DD has started reception. She is in a private school. She can read fluently, writes and her maths skills are great. She is basically bilingual. She carries a conversation like a grown up - she’s hugely imaginative and great fun to talk to. She’s not some prodigy - she’s actually a bit of a silly little girl prone to not listening but she is objectively very very bright.

When I observe her peers, I don’t feel like they are on the same wavelength for the most part. Some of them are barely able to string a sentence together and they still seem to have very infantile form of expression. DD makes friends easily and is happy to play with anyone but at the same time - will this hold her back?

we decided for private school to boost her, but wondering if this is enough. I suppose there is a sliding scale to private education. Are there places better suited for her? Or is there something we should be doing to support her at home/ outside. She does the general run of clubs ie: drama, swimming etc.

Yet you judged others children by saying people were ‘accusing’ your child of being autistic and suggesting we are all ‘a bit autistic’.

As an English lit teacher, you know the choice of words have power. Maybe just apologise for any offence given, read up on ND as it will help you in your career and move on.

If you are happy being a teacher why would you necessarily want “more” for your DD. Teaching provides a quality of life that is unmatched in other professions. It’s also I imagine very rewarding as you can see the impact of your work before you. Lots of very bright people are teachers. There’s no shame in it.

I work in a corporate environment and I have been left in the dust by people who are not as book smart as me. That’s because they have skills and qualities that I lack. There are many different kinds of intelligence.

My friend’s mum used to describe all her children as average. One of them had a maths degree from the best uni in my country, an architect & two engineers. So not “average” by a lot of people metrics. But in a way they are average because no matter how well we do in school, uni etc we’ll generally all just get jobs at the end of it. And some people will be real high flyers but most won’t be. Thats life.

My dad thought I was exceptionally bright as a child. I don’t think I was, I did read and write very young and have done ok but not an exceptionally bright adult. I think first or only children often do seem more capable at a younger age and then the others catch up.
My eldest child was gifted. We did nothing different with him other than encourage him to do what he wanted to do. He is one of the top UK earners. If she is naturally bright she will focus. The other two were pretty average but we never pushed them. They have also got amazing careers. I may be biased but I think they all have kind, well balanced personalities.

You seem very pushy. Being academic certainly isn’t everything. There’s many sectors in life you can be intelligent in not just school! Also they are 4!! They all catch up eventually. I’d hate my child to be friends with your child having such a judgy hag like yourself as a mother. Your child may be advanced but isn’t special.

I was a very advanced 4 Yr old in that i was reading proper.books for more 8 or 9 year old level. Apparently I was reading the narnia books on my own at about 4 or 5.

However other than being good at English i am was not particularly academic. I have adhd and while I did go on to get a job I love in the creative industries I didn't do particularly well at school.

I think thr richest and best education is to love to read and explore the world through reading fiction and non fiction.

Focus on reading for pleasure and you cant go wrong ..especially as its a dying art !

Just let her enjoy Reception. Don't push her in any way.

I had the same situation with DD1. She taught herself to read when she was two 🤦🏼‍♀️ I knew this wasn’t normal development and spoke to the health visitor who didn’t take it seriously at all 🙄 the best advice I was given was that she would not be advanced in all areas…just some. And it was correct. She wasn’t ’gifted’ she was and is very normal. At fifteen she was diagnosed with mild ASD so I think being neurodivergent was part of it.

My eldest is the same. She talked fluently and in full sentences before 2. She read fluently before 4. I She reads with expression. She's in a reading group 2 years ahead. She is extremely bright. Excelling in all academic areas.

In year 1 we focused primarily on reading for meaning. We would read together and I would ask questions about the text. Then I tarted working on predicting, summarising, understanding vocabulary and using it in context.

She is ND. Its not diagnosed. She doesn't seem to think it's a priority because she isn't struggling at school academically. However, she is struggling socially. We are also working on learning meditation techniques, self regulation, we do yoga and we've just started keeping a diary.

Has she read Harry Potter?

I agree with this, our middle one was like this. Would focus on the 5% of the test he failed instead of the 95%. I also agree with broadening rather than boosting as at some point you can boost too far and the child becomes bored and disalusioned.
Still, a nice problem to have

I do not normally comment on posts, however this one I can't restrain myself.
Your attitude, especially being a teacher, towards neurodivergence is quite honestly incredibly dated and I would suggest that you concentrate on furthering your own education and do some training on ND to better help all your future students.
"I guess I’d like her to be able to walk into school without kids screaming at drop off clearly disregulated and overstimulated"... Have you considered that these children may have SEN? My daughter would definitely be one of the children screaming/crying/running off/clinging to me in the playground. The second she walked through the door, the mask would come into place and just like your daughter, she was very articulate, polite and clever and had plenty of friends.
To be honest though, if it's as bad as you make it sound, I'd be moving my child's school pretty quick as clearly the kids aren't enjoying themselves there!
I don't agree with the people saying that clever = autistic or even that an only child preferring talking to adults in a more mature way is unusual either, but don't discount neurodivergence in the future.
I do actually think it's great that you are trying to nurture your daughter's talents, but have you tried asking her if there is anything she would like to do/learn?
As an incredibly academically gifted child (and I use the word gifted, because that was what it was, I never had to try with anything academic) who was reading and writing by the age of 2, I was perfectly happy at school doing easy work and playing with my friends. I couldn't care less if they could read or write or hold a conversation about adult subjects! I'm sure your daughter doesn't care either.

As a bright child myself, later tested as an adult to have an IQ of 164, don't push her. Make sure she has access to lots of material she can explore as well as her curriculum stuff, both intellectual and physical, so she is not bored. She'll be fine with her friends. I personally knew 2 girls who were encouraged to mix with their seniors, were bumped up a couple of years as they could easily cope with the school work, then went to Uni at the age of 16. (This was back in the late 1960s) Both had complete breakdowns, crashed out and never really recovered. Emotional maturity, however adult she seems, doesn't come as easily as intellectual attainment.

Encourage her to read, and take her regularly to the library and charity shops to stock up on new books. If she’s anything like I was at that age, her memory will be like a sponge, so you can make games out of memorising stuff that might be useful later in life. My parents did this with me, and I’m still grateful for all the knowledge they instilled in me when I was young - they did capital cities and other geography, stuff like that.

My first and only response: socialize her

Learning to play a musical instrument would create a great focus for her. Playing piano is a great place to start, in later years she may want to learn an orchestral instrument.

Ouch.. you’re not so switched on yourself. Perhaps learn about Neurodivergence instead of finding new ways to push your child.

if you had a clue about it you’d realise that the phrase ‘everyone is a bit on the spectrum’ is completely dismissive, belittling, lacks awareness and promotes ableism.

If you do learn about it more, you may see the possibility that your child is ND. It’s not a disease. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. And it’s not what is portrayed in the media. I have 3 autistic kids, I am also autistic. No one believed us because we look and act so ‘normal’ and have qualities not usually associated with autism. My son has an eidetic memory - so he was fluent in reading very early. He memorises the words. This could be what is happening here. You can promote understanding by making sure she understands the words and the context.

Furthermore, the qualities you are describing are typical of ND children and you being completely dismissive about it won’t let her reach her potential. If she is, she should be supported properly to make sure she can thrive as best as possible.

I was that bright child; top of the class every time… but I was always aware of the “expectation”. If I wasn’t top the question was why?
We were expected to follow the O level, A level, good degree and profession route; my brother did (medical school/army/GP) and I bailed out. Did the school exams and a law degree but hated it and took a city job instead.
Not once was I ever asked if I were happy in my studies. My children now have under and post grad degrees - studied because they wanted to do them, and they were asked at every stage if they were happy with their choices.
So, back to relevance OP, carry on with what you’re doing. Don’t let your daughter feel any expectations but let her follow her own path, whilst you check if she’s happy.
My criteria are that if my children are happy, safe, healthy (and preferably self supporting) then I’m happy too.

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Out of genuine respect and interest: if you act ‘normal’ (your words not mine) and are clearly thriving and functioning - what use is a diagnosis to you?

Third year of full time pre school/ school and at least two weekly clubs. Frequent trips to playgrounds and other venues full of children. We’re doing well in that respect

maybe I’ve misrepresented her reading ability. She can read age appropriate books including KS1 and 2 with fluency but she’s not sat reading encyclopedias. I’m sure she will read it at some point when she’s old enough to understand separating art from artist

This was me as a child.
turns out ND … ! Precocious intelligence and advanced social skills can actually be a sign of this in girls. I certainly was “studying” adults all the time such that I would know what to do, and as such conducted myself as a little adult. I had no idea this was unusual until quite recently. I’ve gone back to “studying” people and social skills from time to time and become very adept at it, but it does take efforts which I don’t believe others necessarily put in.

My parents put me in private school at 8.
I was almost immediately bumped up a year as I was ahead of the syllabus. the school read out results every term - the top three in each class were clapped by the school. I was in the top three every single term from 8-12 (often 1st, but in competition with a highly intelligent ND boy who was also bumped up a year).
I wasn’t tutored (hated and resisted homework of any kind). Had piano lessons but also resisted practice and it became a battle ground for years.

I have done well in my life (scholarships, top universities, high flying career, long term marriage, etc) but the combination of high intelligence and non diagnosed ND has been crippling in some respects (I’ve had multiple mental health crises, am now fine and have great tools but it’s cost ££££ and much time).

I agree with others who say “teach her how to fail” - read up about growth mindset, also please please don’t label her as “the cleverest” etc. Raw intellectual horsepower isn’t the primary tool in the box for adult success. Being a risk taker, good learner, having lots of grit, genuine self worth (different from just confidence) and social skills in combination with a naturally sponge-like brain is necessary for women to have success.
I truly believed my parents love was contingent upon my being visibly “the cleverest,” and as a result held back from many things I would have employed or where I might have been genuinely challenged and not come top. I am sad about the opportunities I’ve let pass me by because of this.

I would also counsel against bumping her up a year. I don’t think this is usual practice these days. For me this was a short-term solution that caused long-term problems.

Good luck to you and your daughter!

I am confused what is wrong with the author of Harry Potter other than standing up for Women’s rights and taking actual action to support other vulnerable women?

Let’s not make this a TERF debate. It’s clear where I stand and where you do

ha ha ha…as if any child reading Harry Potter needs to know how to “separate art from artist”. You’re so far off piste with this comment.