What to do with a bright child?

[Mumanddone]

I will be accused of bragging but I really am looking for genuine ideas here please.

4yo DD has started reception. She is in a private school. She can read fluently, writes and her maths skills are great. She is basically bilingual. She carries a conversation like a grown up - she’s hugely imaginative and great fun to talk to. She’s not some prodigy - she’s actually a bit of a silly little girl prone to not listening but she is objectively very very bright.

When I observe her peers, I don’t feel like they are on the same wavelength for the most part. Some of them are barely able to string a sentence together and they still seem to have very infantile form of expression. DD makes friends easily and is happy to play with anyone but at the same time - will this hold her back?

we decided for private school to boost her, but wondering if this is enough. I suppose there is a sliding scale to private education. Are there places better suited for her? Or is there something we should be doing to support her at home/ outside. She does the general run of clubs ie: drama, swimming etc.

I’d say that the most important thing would be to drop the ‘other kids aren’t on her wavelength’ nonsense - yes you have a bright child and you should enjoy her. But I guarantee there are other bright children and that she will thrive better in life if she goes through it without a superiority complex. Also I saw you mention you were a bright child and are not now especially ahead in life - I think this is very normal. Doing things early doesn’t mean you will be better at them in the long run, and factors other than innate ability dictate success.

You didn't read some of the comments she made about other children?

I do think some responses are harsh - it’s not a crime to want to do the best you can by your child.

But watch out for the like minded parents - it can become some weird very competitive environment that undermines any true friendship and mean kids reflects those issues in their relationships; always keeping score and comparing.

Also once they grow up you do tend to think “what’s the point?” The score keeping (for want of a better word) becomes very different when it’s not GCSE, music grades or what uni they got into, and it seems a bit irrelevant.

No, everybody is not “a little bit in the spectrum”. Neurodivergence is a neurological difference- it’s literally what the word means.
Ive taught for 16 years, lead teacher training on the teaching of reading and work nationally on reading development in schools. With that professional background I’m saying it’s lovely your daughter enjoys and has early reading development but if she was as skilled as you say at 4 I would remain open to high functioning ND (in absolutely no way a negative) down the line.

I have worked in corporate law. I wasn’t good at it. Results only get you there. I didn’t have what it takes particularly resilience, consistent drive & good organisational skills.

I think what this thread lacks is an awareness about the end goal. Is the end goal to be a doctor, corporate lawyer, City banker etc etc. if so, why? What do these things get you in life - perceived respect, a big house? Break that down and then reflect on whether those things actually matter.

Please OP have a think about your feelings towards neurodivergence, especially in your role as a teacher. It isn’t ‘hilarious’ in any way. I suspect many of the posters on here aren’t trying to ‘reduce’ your daughter’s signs of high intelligence, but are simply sharing their own experiences either of themselves or their own children who are neurodivergent. I shared a comment about my own child and another poster decided that my own lived experience was worthy of a facepalm emoji.

You’ve had some great advice and I hope you and your daughter enjoy trying out the many suggestions to stretch her learning in a fun way.

I agree with this, pretty much depends on the child’s own drive. My 4 year old nephew just started school, from 2-4 already taught himself to read and write, to add, subtract, and learnt multiplications, then planets and moons, then counties and flags then the human body, cooking and recipe processes, the body, organs and systems, now weather systems. He’s passionate about learning, his first day of school (normal school not private) he was so excited to tell his mum “we learned about the number 10!” School is about way more than learning academically. If your kid has drive and passion for learning she’ll do it naturally, but maybe she’ll also be excited to be getting to know her peers. Perhaps they’ve skills she doesn’t (and that you haven’t yet perceived). That’s a good life lesson in itself.

Agree with this. Disappointing views on ND for someone who’s a teacher.

Thank you. And with all due respect, if any of the traits in your second paragraph applied to my situation, I would accept that. But people are taking the fact that I said my DD is an early reader and converses well with adults and peers to mean she must be autistic. It takes experts months to come to those conclusions.

The7 I worked in it too international finance law in the City. So glad I had the experience so knew I was not missing out! Enjoyed the international travel the money was fab met Dh then after 7 years Dh and I bailed out for a decent life!

You’re nit picking on minor points and missing the bigger picture, which is that you clearly feel you could and should have done more/better in life with the academic grades that you have - you have said as much across various posts - and it is that feeling and attitude - not what you’ve said to your students and why, that is the issue here.

The concern i have, reading all of your posts, is that you will try to use your daughter to overcome/make up for your own perceived failures/underperformance. You are “just a teacher” but if you give her the right “boost” (at 4 years old!!!) she could become something more or better than this. That has the potential to be extremely damaging for her. She is not an opportunity to live your life again.

I’ve already said I’ve taken that on board though

It would be nice if you had and I sincerely hope for your daughter’s sake that you do.

I said chartered psychologist. I never mentioned psychotherapists.

It takes experts years in most cases.

As I said, I’m not suggesting your daughter is neurodivergent. I’m taking offence at your use of the word ‘accused’ and the suggestion that we’re ’all a little bit autistic’.

With respect, please research this area and autism positivity. I’m not suggesting this for your daughter, but for your students.

On a side note my daughter displayed less ‘autistic traits’ at age four or five. Girls mask and hyperlexia is an early sign. I did not know this back then but looking back the signs were there.

The ones losing their temper with you are doing so because fighting for your neurodiverse child is knackering. They are sticking up for their own beautiful and amazing kids.

The person you were threatening with chartered bodies sanctions never said she was chartered. Psychologists are not legally required to be chartered to be allowed to practise so your comment was actually irrelevant.

The title "psychotherapist" was mentioned by that person. I just read what people say, not try to imagine things :)

Yes, it's very worrying that teachers often display such a blatant ignorance about the very important matters of ND. This surely affects children in schools badly but sadly there won't be more funding for training.

@Mumanddone, if you are truly dissatisfied with merely being a teacher and feel you have greater potential. Then you could apply to continue your educational journey. If you feel the Education system is not good enough within the UK then apply yourself to challenge the system apply for and complete level 7 & 8 studies to contribute to knowledge and instigate changes in the system.

Do not merely moan about the other children not being as bright as your daughter. It is highly offensive to other parents and especially parents of SEN children and SEN adults such as myself.

Be blessed that you had actual opportunities and accomplished teacher training and a career. Your daughter is accessing and achieving educationally so far that is a testament to her and your parenting. I say this as someone with educational aspiration and made significant sacrifices to access education and break down the barriers not just for myself for others. You are coming across as arrogant and elitist I expect better from a teacher and I am disappointed yet not surprised so many professionals do not actually believe what they preach.

I relate to this because I am classed as 'gifted' and went to a gifted school half the week and 'regular' school the other half.

This was great academically but did me no favours socially or allowed me to understand what occupation suited me etc.

Have you discussed with the school?

It really is. One who clearly values education (or at least outwards shows of attainment perhaps rather than education itself) seems to be very ignorant about many things. It’s not training here that’s required, it’s attitudinal change. It seems she is very un-self aware not to mention unable of individual differences. Is she’s so smart, perhaps she needs to dive into this and then she’ll be more aware of how she comes across and the path that her daughter is likely on. Posts like this p me off.

I asked about my child, no-one else’s.

Just to clarify, my use of the phrase “just a teacher” was directed at someone who suggested a bright child might end up plateauing and going to a mid tier uni anyway. I am happy with being a teacher and none of the many students and parents I’ve worked with (many with ND needs) have ever been dissatisfied. I do think we have an issue with overdiagnosis in our current society, though, which is where I think lots of you are getting your back up. We’ll have to agree to disagree.

It's extremely difficult these days to get a diagnosis as NHS is collapsing and the gov is cutting budgets for practically any type of assessments and support. The current situation is exactly the opposite to the mythical "issue with overdiagnosis".

I asked about my child, no-one else’s.

Then you know best. Good luck.
Remember that the main feature of school is that hundreds of other people's children will be in your DD's year group for the next 14 years or so. Then they will be her colleagues, managers, interviewers.
Her teachers may have experience and opinions of their own, and may not have the same total immersion in her academic performance and unique circumstances of success at all times as you do. They might also try to tell you this sometimes.
She is almost certain also to have ideas, opinions, or struggles somewhere in those years, that don't align with yours.
You can switch yourself off from these things if you really think it's the best plan and will help you with things you're not so confident with.

You are making an assumption on my personal and professional thoughts around the rates of diagnoses for SEN. I have not commented on the rates of diagnosis. Being an autistic women does not mean that I jump to every behavioural need or lower level ability is due to the learner having a SEN requirement. I think it is partly being over diagnosed and was actually very impressed that a recent episode of Educating Yorkshire the deputy head reviewed the learners diet which contained too much sugar being a behavioural cause rather than ADHD. I think diet, screens and parenting need to be fully reviewed first.

I actually think the issue is complex and involves the current challenges within education being academically focused and lacking in vocational and practical skills. Parental demand for EHCPs which is partly related to governmental social security financial allowances. The cost of independent education provisions for SEN including transport demands are all contributing to the SEN Crisis. I believe that all learners should be welcome in mainstream education with only the most profound and complex learners being in specialist education provisions.

I do understand the and experience the challenges of being considered academically gifted. Having a brain that is constantly seeking new knowledge and needs challenges is exhausting and risks leading to a burnout. Encouraging your daughter to have non-academic fun and pursuits is healthy. Although as a child my preference was for reading, exploring National Trust and museums and other than the beach they are still my preferences.