Complaint against school

[tubsters]

Posting with a name change to protect my child’s identity. Has anyone had experience with a Level 3 complaint panel hearing at a school?

My 12-year-old son, who has never really been in trouble before, was given what I feel were punitive and degrading punishments. For example, he was made to sit alone on a bench in the yard for about an hour, as all the other children walked past knowing he’d been excluded from a trip – a clear act of public humiliation.

He was also called into a meeting with the Head and three other teachers, where he was pressured to end every sentence with “sir.” He was clearly nervous, and this only heightened the power imbalance and distress he felt. he is usually very polite and would always use ‘sir ‘ in normal circumstances

I accept that children need discipline and have always supported teachers, but the way this was handled felt oppressive and unnecessary, especially for a child who posed no danger and was already anxious.

The Head has denied much of this, so I escalated it to the governors and it’s now going to a panel hearing. I feel quite daunted about going up against the school, but I strongly believe this needs to be addressed for my son’s sake and for other children in the future.

If anyone has been through a panel hearing and can share their experience or advice, I’d be really grateful.

I'd love to know which part of our comments sounded spiteful or bitter actually. Really bizarre response isn't it.

thank you!

It wasn't a punishment though and calling it a punishment isn't going to help you with your argument. They sat him on a bench whilst sorting the rest of the children and then he was taken elsewhere to discuss his behaviour. Expecting him to be prioritised and removed immediately elsewhere so nobody saw he was upset is unreasonable when they were busy boarding buses for a trip.

But he’s been naughty. Teachers aren’t going to allow two boys who’d been naughty to take themselves off somewhere
Thats not how managing a situation works
The teachers have authority on how to manage risk and no amount of you saying they should have been sent to the hub etc makes a blind bit of difference. You aren’t the teacher. It’s not your school. They manage situations and risk in their own appropriate way that reflects the situation they are in at that moment in time

I would Take this thread and it’s comments more seriously than you seem to be

OP - I think that even if you get the school to acknowledge that they were overly harsh then it won't change anything. It does sound unfair - especially for a kid who isn't normally in trouble because it can affect them more. From the school's point of view it was presumably unintentional that they left him in view of the other children, rather than as a specific measure. The interview/telling off from the head it sounds like he was angry. Not ideal, and intimidating at the time but he got through it.

I think if you're ok with the level of the actual punishment then you should perhaps focus your energy on reassuring your son that it's over and done with. Unfair things are going to happen to him and, although it's great that you're there to support him, he also needs to know that you have faith in his ability to cope with them

It is.

I’ve reared a lot of children over many years. And I’ve had complaints against the school upheld.

I’ve also had said children do shitty things and get it in the neck and my answer was shouldn’t have misbehaved then should you.

mine all turned out to be good productive fine and upstanding members of society though so I’m perfectly happy with my approach.

If he had done something really bad I would've understood

It must have been pretty serious for him to miss the trip. So why don't you share what the misdemeanor was?

Every child lies - to varying degrees- but they all do it.

What do you think that the teachers should have done?
Your DS was separated from the group and not allowed to go on a trip, the teachers are not going to send him and his friend off to the library, as far as they are concerned he will have to be supervised.
That means putting him somewhere whilst this is sorted.

Any way, for you to get anywhere with the panel, you will need to be open, honest and non confrontational.
You will have to take all emotion out of it and state facts, policy and what you think should have been done.
You will need to make sure that what you say is factual and backed up with evidence. Not just they said and my son said.

And yes what your DS did will be of import to the board as that will lead to why certain things were done like waiting for someone to take him to where ever he needed to go.

And you still haven't said who these teachers in the meeting were or when it happened.

Is he moving to a new school in September?

In which case, what do you want from this? It is causing you more grief and I’m not sure what outcome would be satisfying to you.

Focus on looking forward to the next steps.

Are the friend's parents also complaining about the humiliating punishment?

I don't need to read anything.

You've given me all the information I need to make a judgement here that the school did nothing wrong.

Yes, I do think it's acceptable for a child to be sat on a bench crying while the rest of the class files off to get the bus, if that's the only way to safeguard all the children involved with the number of staff available under the circumstances.

You have acknowledged yourself that sitting on the bench in front of everyone was not intended as a punishment. It was simply the practicalities of the situation - the teachers were clearly in the middle of getting everyone on the bus, your son did something so naughty that he was told he could no longer go on the trip - and the teachers asked him to sit on the bench while they sorted out what to do, under time pressure and unable to leave the rest of the children unattended.

As teachers we have to prioritise safety of every child in our care. Unfortunately that sometimes means a child doesn't have all their individual needs met, but that's unavoidable in a communal environment where no one person's needs outweigh any other's.

I don't think OP is complaining that her DS was excluded from the school trip, but that he was forced to sit on a bench in front of everyone who was going on the trip which she considers degrading and humiliating.

I must say, I agree with OP on this point, though I am not sure it is something that merits a review by a panel. Asking him to join another class or even sit outside the headmaster's office with a reading book would have had him taken of without the embarrassment of being singled out infront of his friends, especially if by this point he was crying and the teachers ignored that.

Being expected to call the teachers sir is reasonable, and being reminded of this is correct, especially if he was trying to argue that he was innocent of whatever the crime was and his tone was becoming emotional/elevated/disrespectful. However, if he was being quiet and polite and had three men shouting "sir!" every time he finished a sentence then that smacks of intimidation. I just don't think we know and probably never will.

I think it is unfortunate that this has come to a panel. From the sounds of it, it is unlikely to give anybody concerned what they really need or want which, for OP's DS, is probably just to have everyone stop talking about it and put the whole thing behind him.

Maybe next time he’ll behave his self then if he doesn’t like the consequences!

I quite agree. But op's little darling apparently does not.

Tbh op your being very defensive and not giving much detail.

Where was he standing in view of other pupils and why was he there? Was he sent to be with another class and his class had to walk out that way to go on their trip?

In terms of the 'sir' they are reinforcing manners and at a time he has broken rules - where you yourself say it's not the punishment of not going on the trip that is the problem.

It would be nice to know what he did - the fact that you're not sharing makes me thing it was quite serious and then most posters would actually think you should be focusing on that rather than this.

Kindly OP, I’d let this go. Maybe send a strongly worded email to Head and Board of Governors and then move on.

They won’t really care - a mealy mouthed apology won’t change anything. You’re clearly upset - trust me in ten years you won’t know why it bothered you so much.

Sit down with DS ( who is no doubt mortified and just wants to move on), explain you support him, tell him how you think this should have been handled and use it as a lesson as to how unfair life can be sometimes and why good behaviour is paramount. Maybe discuss how he could have avoided this situation arising.

You know you’re a good parent. You don’t need to demonstrate it in this way.

I don’t know anything about panel meetings but just wanted to say I agree with you and think it’s definitely worth your while to go the the meeting. This might cause the staff to think twice before using public humiliation as a punishment again. Hopefully because they reflect on their behaviour in some way and realise that it was wrong, but if not at the very least they may be more thoughtful just to save themselves going through the process again — either way sparing countless other children the experience. Good luck

Let's hope that your son's spelling, punctuation and grammar turn out to be much better than his mother's, and that the school fees are worth it.
You are one of those parents responsible for our 'snowflake' society.

The point is how does he get to this other place?
The teachers obviously believe that he couldn't be trusted to get there by himself.

Lord you sound like an absolute nightmare

Reckon I know how this panel hearing will go...!

I would also add that as this was an evening excursion at boarding school, the number of staff on site would be considerably reduced, so sending him off elsewhere would have been a safeguarding risk. He would have needed to be accompanied to an alternative location, and someone found to supervise him.

All while the teachers are trying to safely board a group of children on a bus, taking registers and so on - and if they made a mistake there and accidentally left a child behind, or didn't have their medication, or whatever, due to being distracted by your son and needing to take him elsewhere, that would have been a huge safeguarding risk.

You have clearly never been responsible for taking children out on a trip, which is often very stressful and carries a huge amount of responsibility for teachers.

Your child mucking about literally as they were due to set off was incredibly disruptive and unsafe, and asking him to sit and wait while the teachers got the rest of the kids off safely really was not unreasonable.

You really need to get over this and move on.

Your child is the one who did something wrong, not the school.

I appreciate this is hard to accept when you want to support your child, but honestly, you really don't have a leg to stand on here.

I’d drop it OP, wouldn’t bother with the panel, it’s not going to get you anywhere

I don’t want to be inflammatory at all but are you absolutely sure your son is giving you the whole story? Just if the head is denying it and letting it go to a panel meeting, there’s clearly something going on here because you would usually expect the facts to be largely agreed in these matters and the panel to be mostly about the justification or otherwise of the punishment.

I am not calling your son a liar or anything of the sort but sometimes a few minutes can feel like an hour when upset and missing out on something and sometimes being reminded a couple of times to say “sir” in a meeting might be categorised by a child (innocently) as being asked after every sentence.

The best approach no matter what the facts are is to try and keep emotion out of it as much as possible and just set out your side as best you can and hope the panel take you seriously.

Well, having seen the OPs responses, I don’t think this panel meeting is going to go well at all.

No one has said anything that won’t be discussed in the meeting OP, including that it isn’t a harsh public punishment and questioning your clear sensitivity on the issue.

You need to rapidity reassess the way you approach this topic, otherwise all you’re going to do is add more stress to your son’s situation.