Complaint against school

[tubsters]

Posting with a name change to protect my child’s identity. Has anyone had experience with a Level 3 complaint panel hearing at a school?

My 12-year-old son, who has never really been in trouble before, was given what I feel were punitive and degrading punishments. For example, he was made to sit alone on a bench in the yard for about an hour, as all the other children walked past knowing he’d been excluded from a trip – a clear act of public humiliation.

He was also called into a meeting with the Head and three other teachers, where he was pressured to end every sentence with “sir.” He was clearly nervous, and this only heightened the power imbalance and distress he felt. he is usually very polite and would always use ‘sir ‘ in normal circumstances

I accept that children need discipline and have always supported teachers, but the way this was handled felt oppressive and unnecessary, especially for a child who posed no danger and was already anxious.

The Head has denied much of this, so I escalated it to the governors and it’s now going to a panel hearing. I feel quite daunted about going up against the school, but I strongly believe this needs to be addressed for my son’s sake and for other children in the future.

If anyone has been through a panel hearing and can share their experience or advice, I’d be really grateful.

You sound very unpleasant. I know adults who cry when they are humiliated.

What punishment would you be happy with?

Not in my son’s school!

Why especially because she/he is a teacher?

Ohh.. you're one of those mothers.
You're doing yourself and your son no favours. Judging by how you're acting on this thread also.

delulu

I think it was a lot of he said /he said - after 4 children I am used to this. I am not in the position to argue with a judgement a teacher makes about wrong doing in this instance - more the way the whole process was carried out

Following the behaviour policy code of the school .

Not in my son’s school!

How do you know that, OP?Are you privy to all the minutiae of management?

Yes, someone who advocates for their child. I make no apology

I have been a parent there for 13 years. It is a small school. You get an idea

It doesn't matter. Humiliation is not "proportionate" for any reason, so whatever he did it won't be right for the school to have done what they did. There is no level when it would be OK.

She's not asking you for your opinion on whether or not he deserved it, just how to complain about the punishment that was used.

Thank you. It seems that many can’t understand this and are using my thread to channel their own ? Envy? Unhappiness?

I appreciate this is a complicated thread. But I actually get where the op is coming from.

On mn a tread can run one way or another depending on how the first op is taken.

Putting all other things aside, can I just comment on making the ds say sir repeatedly. I actually think this often is nasty, can be gaslighting.

I had similar recently, as part of a much bigger complaint. Mine was with a hospital who had failed to notice a health condition, and just treated me quite badly, losing my notes, being dismissive, discharging me etc.

Eventually, after a long battle, I had The woman from pals, who incidentally is there to protect the hospital, not help the patient as such, she's like HR.

anyway, after innumerable emails and stuff had a phone call with this woman she was just really off right from the start. one of the Doctors had a name that's difficult to pronounce. I was there struggling to speak, struggling to remember what happened when. I'm in pain, almost crying, and 6 times she kept insisting every time I says his name dge interrupted and corrected me 'it's Mr xxxxx'. After I got off the phone I remember thinking that it was just really nasty, unnecessary, bullying actually.

If I'd wanted to, I could've referred them to person A person B , Dr A Dr B, if I've chosen to, it it's none of her business.

sometimes you do get someone who just uses their position, in a really under-hand, nasty way. It's aggressive. It's trying to control the person. It's basically soft bullying.

this thread reminds me of that. The school were very heavy handed, I think they know they've not behaved well overall. But that final bit, the bit where they kept insisting ds said sir, again and again. It's overkill. I think the teacher who did that was just trying to exert their power. But it's got a nasty tinge to it, that I really just don't like. When I read it, it made me wince.

It's not even her son's school any more – he's left!

OP now says she'll be happy with the school confirming it will follow the behaviour policy code in future – but presumably she's thinking of the policy that was in place while her son was a pupil there. But the new head is allowed to change any policy he wants to – and will have been appointed with the authority to shake things up – and it's none of her business how he runs the school now because she's no longer a fee-paying parent. So this panel will be a pure box ticking exercise by the school to make OP go away. She's not going to change anything.

You're still not answering the question.

I agree with you OP it is humiliating.

Missing a trip for poor behaviour, fine. Being put in the equivalent of the stocks in front of your friends who walk past you, being judged and watching them all leave without you is not fine. It's not acceptable at all.

No experience at panel, but good luck.

Yes , you have described it perfectly - from my son reaccounting the story it was very much like that, he was being interrupted constantly and the head was being a bully and intimidating. This only compounds the distress.
normally he uses ‘sir’ all the time - habitually. This just felt very wrong

This is the sort of "firefighting" I imagine this school is constantly dealing with, irrational behaviour in parents, as well as students. Nothing bad has happened here, from your description, you just don't like strict policies being applied to your child. No one will care, your child doesn't even attend any more. You will be ignored, or you will get a totally meaningless standard "o do go away dear" type apology that will be forgotten as soon as it is issued.

Your son was not humiliated by the school. If he was humiliated he was humiliated by his own actions.

All your talk of "advocating for your child" and "power balance" is nonsense. Of course there is a staff have authority over students. Of course you can call any disagreement about reasonable punishments "advocating for your child". It doesn't mean you are acting in their interests, or in the interests of fairness.

The best thing you can do for your child is help him accept that he was not treated badly. How are you going to feel if next time he is caught in wrong doing he automatically assumes you are going to "advocate" for him. What if it is police you are dealing with next time, not school staff?

You talk about other examples "crawling out of the woodwork" - in other words you have gone looking for times you think the school was over strict. That is not for you to judge, the head and staff decide how strict the school should be. None of any "other examples" are relevant to you.

It sounds to me like a tightening up of discipline, probably because it has been too lax in the past.

Also, this complaint about time it took to decide an punishment, I expect staff had other things to do beside concentrate 100% on your golden child. Like teaching, etc. The process happens when it happens. It is not unusual for behaviour reports to be written at the end of the day after school, and for the person they are sent to to read them at the end of the next day after they have finished the days teaching too.

And how would you know that?

OP - I‘ve read most of the thread but not all.
From your original post it really wasn’t clear that your son missed the trip because he was waiting for punishment and when he was made to sit on a bench that this was the day after the incident.

Most people are reading the matter like this (I think) - while preparing to depart the trip your son and his friend apparently said or did something that meant the staff organising the trip made them sit on benches while the coach (or whatever) was loaded.

But it seems in fact that your son and his friend did/said whatever is alleged on the previous evening and the following day/evening he was made to sit in view of the loading coaches while he waited for staff to determine a punishment.

The location of the benches became significant because it seems like being made to wait there, rather than elsewhere was unnecessary (and then everything else follows from that).

Is that right?

Sorry - last time I checked this is not a court of law, and I am not in the witness stand

God I hope that panel gets a drink afterwards. They'll need it.

Have u landed yet?

I have been a parent there for 13 years. It is a small school. You get an idea

Yeah, sure. Frequently the wrong idea. Gossip, intrigue, canards...

I've been a parent AND staff, as I said. The viciousness of the parental grapevine is beyond belief at times.

So you don't actually know?

It sounds to me like a tightening up of discipline, probably because it has been too lax in the past.

This. ^

When a new head is appointed, it's often to sort out existing issues. If this new head is very strict, it'll be because the governors or whoever else oversees the school wants him to be.