Complaint against school

[tubsters]

Posting with a name change to protect my child’s identity. Has anyone had experience with a Level 3 complaint panel hearing at a school?

My 12-year-old son, who has never really been in trouble before, was given what I feel were punitive and degrading punishments. For example, he was made to sit alone on a bench in the yard for about an hour, as all the other children walked past knowing he’d been excluded from a trip – a clear act of public humiliation.

He was also called into a meeting with the Head and three other teachers, where he was pressured to end every sentence with “sir.” He was clearly nervous, and this only heightened the power imbalance and distress he felt. he is usually very polite and would always use ‘sir ‘ in normal circumstances

I accept that children need discipline and have always supported teachers, but the way this was handled felt oppressive and unnecessary, especially for a child who posed no danger and was already anxious.

The Head has denied much of this, so I escalated it to the governors and it’s now going to a panel hearing. I feel quite daunted about going up against the school, but I strongly believe this needs to be addressed for my son’s sake and for other children in the future.

If anyone has been through a panel hearing and can share their experience or advice, I’d be really grateful.

Of course my instinct would be to believe my child, but I wouldn't ignore the fact he had been accused of something so serious it meant he was excluded from a trip. The school wouldn't do that without cause.

Nope, you are trying to do the same with a panel against the head. Three or four on a panel vs 1 adult. So it is very much what you are doing. You are repeating the behaviour you are complaining about.

Which then gives them cause to seek action against you, right?

They tripped him up? Why were they getting physical on your child and words is your main concern?

Kids getting nervous when getting a bollocking, rightly so. What did you expect? Shits and giggles and laughing and joking about whatever bad behaviour your child did to make him feel good about what he did wrong?

She’s his mother!!!!! Of course she believes her child !!!!

I think she meant a metaphorical tripping up of him, that he kept on stumbling under the pressure. I highly doubt they'd get at all physical

Still waiting, OP, for your evidence. You can insult me, question my professional integrity and competence, and yet you are unable to support your assertions.

Like mother, like son, perhaps? Was that your golden child's offence?

Surely dictating rather than typing would lead to less typos?

Anyway, in my school the children who are waiting to speak about behaviour to the Head sit outside his office. This happens to be the route to leave the school that trips would take to get to the bus. It is what it is. Without knowing the incident it’s impossible to comment properly.

Yep. Something 'not killing' a schoolboy is a very odd bar for justification.

I think we were talking in more general terms about children who have had too much advocacy? Not your son specifically. I have no idea if your son is that type or not because you steadfastly refuse to engage with any poster who asks you what he did to earn these consequences, other than to snipe at them aggressively. He might be a lovely boy who has made a mistake and you are advocating for him due to the consequence being harsh for a one off behaviour. He might also be a total nightmare to teach who regularly disregards rules and regulations and has a Mum who sticks up for him regardless of his actions. None of us know which is true. The school will though, so I’m sure the panel meeting will be aware of all the facts and deal with the situation accordingly. People on here can’t advise properly without all the facts, which you won’t give.

Would they not? Really?

Never had any issues myself, generally parents absent discipline to us during the time their children are at school and are supportive of any choices made by us. They are paying for the service and can vote with their feet, or may even be encouraged to go elsewhere if they are a poor fit for the school.

Socially there is a lot of overlap, most of the staff's own children attend the school FOC and are, of course friends with their peers, the parents become friends too.

We tend to keep in touch with our ex pupils too, I'm in regular touch with countless ex pupils from their first days at university and through their careers and lives. I'm godparent to two ex pupils children.

I stayed in touch with my form master who was like a second father and mentor especially when I decided to teach, when he left us aged 94 there was insufficient room in the church to fit us all in, mostly ex pupils, him having been a lifelong bachelor who devoted himself to his work. It was the 80's, he taught us about alcohol at lunchtimes, we tasted every spirit known to man, what to drink when, what to serve with what and responsible drinking, and driving after school from age 12, around the rugger field in a clapped out 1940's Rolls that lived under the pavilion, utter legend!

Ah yes, thank you. Our boys sound very similar. I have explained to him that adults make mistakes and it was unfair for them to act so over the top .

It doesn’t. The punishment wasn’t sitting on the bench while a troop of classmates was marched past; that was merely a temporary measure whilst the other children were sorted.

maybe I’m old fashioned but these do not sound like humiliating and degrading punishments.

This. Embarrassing yes but he is 12, should be able to handle this. The point of the punishment is to disincentivise whatever behaviour in him but also in others who see.

He sounds like a legend! I can see why the community feel to that would be lovely and I’m jealous of the fact that parents are supportive of your disciplinary choices! Everything children do wrong is the fault of the school staff in my local
authority 😩.

The threshold is far, far far lower in private schools.

This is outdated.

Oh, God...another parent who has their head in the sand about their little angel. Wake up and encourage your child to take responsibility for their choices. Stop deflecting.

NO! It wasn’t. It wasn’t the situation at all. There are a lot of staff present, and the alleged misconduct happened the day before not at the time of the trip

Exactly this. There is so much more to this. Sigh.

“Not even close” - as my post predicted, of course you’ll deny this. But the fact you won’t say what the offence was confirms it was of a sexual/harrassment/bullying/violent nature. If it wasn’t, what’s worse that you’d rather keep quiet?

As for “advocating” your child to this extent making you superior to the rest of us mums, perhaps - or perhaps you’re the reason we have so much unapologetic misogyny in private schools. Mortifying for you.

We had the naughty seat and the sick seat in the 80's in my infant school. They were at the main entrance to school outside the head's office. Which had a glass front. so every playtime we would go and see who was on the naughty bench.

I was on it myself a few times. No trauma here. When I've mentioned it on social media with people I was at school with we had a laugh about it. It's about time teacher's were instilling discipline in schools. When I was sat on that seat I understood why and never did it again. You should be supporting the school in disciplining your son. Not going against them.

definitely the former. 100%. I have never ever once even peeked above the parapet in that school for 13 years. That is why I feel so let down now.

What is wrong with you!