Complaint against school

[tubsters]

Posting with a name change to protect my child’s identity. Has anyone had experience with a Level 3 complaint panel hearing at a school?

My 12-year-old son, who has never really been in trouble before, was given what I feel were punitive and degrading punishments. For example, he was made to sit alone on a bench in the yard for about an hour, as all the other children walked past knowing he’d been excluded from a trip – a clear act of public humiliation.

He was also called into a meeting with the Head and three other teachers, where he was pressured to end every sentence with “sir.” He was clearly nervous, and this only heightened the power imbalance and distress he felt. he is usually very polite and would always use ‘sir ‘ in normal circumstances

I accept that children need discipline and have always supported teachers, but the way this was handled felt oppressive and unnecessary, especially for a child who posed no danger and was already anxious.

The Head has denied much of this, so I escalated it to the governors and it’s now going to a panel hearing. I feel quite daunted about going up against the school, but I strongly believe this needs to be addressed for my son’s sake and for other children in the future.

If anyone has been through a panel hearing and can share their experience or advice, I’d be really grateful.

No, not really, as they have nothing to do with the inspection of the best of Britains private schools, save for boarding.

@tubsters If you won't say what they were accused of, that's fine, but can you say what the punishment should be from the behaviour policy? That will give us a guide on whether they disregarded it, if you bring the complaint forward, I'd have a read and make sure you know what their guidelines are because the school will be looking to defend itself. Also make sure you go through any paperwork you have on the incident throughly so you can see any specific details as I doubt the school would acquiesce on this even if you think you have a good moral argument.

Totally agree

The fact the OP is so reluctant to reveal what golden boy has done makes me think it’s along the lines of bullying/harassment of a female student. I’m a teacher and very little else would get a student banned from a school trip as this has to go via governors first. It literally has to be that he’s a risk to other students (perhaps to girls on a residential, I shudder to think).

Of course she’ll deny it’s anything of the sort now, but how could any sane person ask for opinions on this without giving an idea of the concerning behaviour, before stating that no behaviour is worth the traumatic experience of her child “sitting on a bench”.

Only racism/sexism/violence or downright concerning behaviours would mean a ban on a school trip in this day and age. OP - focus on your parenting (or lack of) before blaming others.

Some of these comments plummet to an all time low.

…yes I imagine a lot of those children had no advocates in early life. Every time.

Not in private schools!! Teachers dont have to involve anyone else and head has almost full discretion

How does that work in reality though? Don’t you feel that a professional distance is needed? What if you make friends with a parent and then there is a discipline issue where you conflict? Or you are seen socialising with a parent and then reward their child in some way, I’d imagine that would create unnecessary tension? I’m in the state system so it’s obviously different but my LA has policies against having parent friends on social media, for example, and I do feel that this professional distance is a bit healthier and ensures boundaries and less preferential or discriminatory treatment.

Yes they really do

Let me get this right, you felt your child was forced and intimidated to say the word sir.

Now you want to force and intimidate someone to say the word sorry.

Aren't you doing just the same?

Not even CLOSE . No violence, sexism, racism. Nothing like that

Based on experience, this is true in many cases. However, some of them have had entirely too much advocacy, mostly of the “can do no wrong” variety. Those ones often end up in prison as the judge for some strange reason simply won’t listen to protests from Mum.

I agree with you, public humiliation/leaving a crying child for everyone to see shouldn't be a thing. IME fighting against "exclusive private schools" is not for faint hearted. You are essentially dealing with a cartel.

Hang on, a minute ago you were saying private schools have to adhere to Govt and Ofsted standards, now you're saying they have total autonomy. Which one is it?

And why won't you say what your son was accused of it? If he didn't do it, what's the problem with sharing it?

You deliberately seek to misinterpret ?
why? It is clear for my post that he is a very polite boy who would always normally use sir, but having three teachers in the same room as him made him extremely nervous and he didn’t use it. This does not excuse tripping over a 12-year-old boy repeatedlyand not allowing him to speak. If it is okay with you I suggest you examine your own sense morality

go away!

You weren't in the meeting though. You're just taking his word for it.

Yes, which is very true. But people need to challenge it. And after 13 years at the school I back myself

I have served as a school governor and would like to think they do not take sides. They have certainly been known to protect the school, at any cost.

I’m not sure about your relationship with your own child, but I believe him and I’ve got no reason to suspect that he is lying about this.

I'm not sure sitting on a bench is humiliating in itself.

However, if the child started crying... yes, at the point, I would expect a member of staff to discreetly extract him from that situation and take him somewhere to calm down, out of sight. For safeguarding reasons, it would probably be somewhere with a couple of adults, so there was one witness, but still much less embarrassing.

Crying in front of your peers at age does feel humiliating, and even if they couldn't have predicted his reaction, his teachers should have reacted to it.

I remember having a panic attack around his age - the first and only I've ever had - the teacher got me away from the other kids, so I was in the corridor, away from my peers, but where any teacher could walk past - and gave me the space to calm down without my classmates realising what had happened.

And you know, this was way before anyone had mental health training and knew what a panic attack looked like. The teacher spotted a child who wasn't in control of her emotions, and instantly decided she would be much better off without her peers watching her.

@adviceneeded1990 So let me get this right, you’re saying that perhaps because I’m advocating for My son in this instance that you think he might end up in prison? And you say this as somebody who claims that they are a professional? That is deeply concerning.

Sadly though, they do. Increasingly so.
The main reason I left mainstream teaching.

Of course, but I’m saying I trust my kids not to lie to me, so I will advocate for them in the first instance if I feel it’s appropriate. The onus would then be on the school to prove otherwise - and no, I wouldn’t simply just take a teachers (or any other adults) word over my child’s. And the moment my child believes I would, then it’s game over. You’ve said yourself that children don’t have the critical thinking skills adults do - it would be very likely that they would think that if you don’t believe their word over smaller things, that you won’t believe them about bigger things and this is where trust is broken.

Is that why you've had so many posts deleted?