Complaint against school

[tubsters]

Posting with a name change to protect my child’s identity. Has anyone had experience with a Level 3 complaint panel hearing at a school?

My 12-year-old son, who has never really been in trouble before, was given what I feel were punitive and degrading punishments. For example, he was made to sit alone on a bench in the yard for about an hour, as all the other children walked past knowing he’d been excluded from a trip – a clear act of public humiliation.

He was also called into a meeting with the Head and three other teachers, where he was pressured to end every sentence with “sir.” He was clearly nervous, and this only heightened the power imbalance and distress he felt. he is usually very polite and would always use ‘sir ‘ in normal circumstances

I accept that children need discipline and have always supported teachers, but the way this was handled felt oppressive and unnecessary, especially for a child who posed no danger and was already anxious.

The Head has denied much of this, so I escalated it to the governors and it’s now going to a panel hearing. I feel quite daunted about going up against the school, but I strongly believe this needs to be addressed for my son’s sake and for other children in the future.

If anyone has been through a panel hearing and can share their experience or advice, I’d be really grateful.

A day boarder? You what?

As I said before I am dictating whilst I am in my helicopter

.... but he'll be a snowflake if you carry on like this.

Next they’re gonna tell you not to worry because it builds “ ReSiLiAnCE” and then you’ll find them on a post about a husband shouting at his wife and be telling her it’s abuse and to leave him.

@Pawparazzihow professional of you to keep a list of parents you don’t like btw

Plenty of people have commented on what likely happened here.

2 boys on a trip down something quite serious just prior to boarding for a trip. It must have been quite serious for them to be removed on the spot

Normal procedures for day to day lessons etc don't apply as staff are on the trip not teaching etc behaviour forms are all computer based and staff busy organising pupils who shouldn't be delayed / miss out as they've not done anything.

Sending 2 boys who can't be trusted to follow instructions to a random staff member unaware they are coming to them is a clear safeguarding risk so kids told to sit where staff can see them. Maybe they were on the radio for someone to collect them. This can take a while.

Kids gets upset seeing all their friends still going on the trip and starts crying and so feels humiliated. Seems like a case of fuck around and find out at first glance.

Lots of things are humiliating. E.g escorted out of an office due to redundancy/ gross misconduct. Not designed to be that way but is. Teach your child emotional resilience instead of complaining they were "deliberately" humiliated.

She’s not ‘questioning’ the school, she’s telling them they’re in the wrong based on what her DS has told her.

You probably already know what I meant, does he attend during the day only or does he board?

It should have read “is he a day student or a boarder then?”.

Have not read all the responses.

humiliation as a punishment. PISH.

is subjective.

humiliated because teacher asked who had brought book bag in.

asked to sit quietly alone for a moment.

asked to stop shouting.

humiliation is not a punishment. Some kids would not give a shit about being asked to sit down. And would get up and walk off.

I home Ed one, flexi two and have one in main stream.

this is not punishment.

There are some really unsavoury characters on this thread

He obviously did something wrong. Accept the punishment and move on. I would not have complained, absolutely not.

OP, I’m afraid you are being ridiculous. Punishments are not meant to be enjoyable, but in any case you say yourself that your son wasn’t deliberately degraded or humiliated as a punishment - he and his friend were just seen by their classmates to be upset at having to miss an outing, because they were told to sit and wait to be dealt with until their teachers were free to deal with them. Presumably at that moment, finding a different place for them to go was not the staff's highest priority.

Big deal. They weren’t beaten in front of the rest of the school or made to stand on a stage with a dunce's cap on their head. Children at school quite often see each other upset and it’s not as important to them as it seems to be to you,

In my opinion you are making a big mistake in encouraging your son to think he suffered terrible humiliation, and making it such an upsetting memory for him. He would have got over the whole thing much more quickly without you making such a big deal of it. Part of growing up is learning that sometimes we just have to accept things we view as unfair, and move on. That you are going through all this, and of course keeping his "terrible humiliation" fresh in his mind, when he’s leaving the school anyway, leads me to think this is really all about you and your dislike of the Head.

I am a school governor who has sat on appeals panels and can tell you that you are most unlikely to get a sincere apology, though I suppose the school might agree on a form of words that they judge will be enough to satisfy you even though it’s insincere, just to get you off their backs.

My advice would be to write a letter of complaint to the Head and/or Chair of Governors, to get it out of your system, then just let the whole thing drop. Since you haven't denied that your son actually did whatever it was that led to his punishment, you aren’t doing him any favours by making this drag on and on.

Er it really does. Its natural consequences. The child got themselves excluded from the trip then taught they have to sit there and watch the rest leave. Thats not a harsh punishment, thats consequences of actions

Serious point though OP (and I am a teacher in an independent school) assuming this is a prep school, he is in last year? do you have any other children with them? if not, what are you expecting them to do - they are not going to discipline any staff if you are off - you won't be of any financial interest to the school soon.

@walkden, a lot of incorrect assumptions, including that they allegedly misbehaved that day of the trip. No.
What kind of schools do people send their kids to if they cant be trusted to walk a metre to the library ? Who are these children ?!!!This wasn’t about trust. It was about an ill thought out plan by teachers in an extremely well staffed private school. They are not fighting fires every day like some of the state schools .

Seriously let it go for his sake, your sake and frankly our sake too.

@tubsters I’m going to start my post by saying that I haven’t read all of the posts but it seems that I am going against the grain.I completely agree with you with regards to punishment. Your son having his peers going past him whilst being made to sit on a bench where it is clear he has been excluded from something - it is clearly public humiliation. And it will definitely have an effect on him for sure. There is no need for the punishment to be handed out publicly. He could have been excluded for the day and made to sit in a class with the assistant head and made to do work with regards to ethos of the school (which is what we do in ours). For example if he was making someone feel unwelcome and the the ethos of the school is to make everyone feel welcome then make him read and work on how he can improve.
I also am not a fan of people who say “in my day…” or “maybe I’m old fanshonied but we used to do this” - frankly it’s outdated and let’s try and move forward and do more for our kids.

I’m also a bit appalled that he had 4 adults around him to discuss it. That is shockingly intimidating for a 12 year old with otherwise a clean “record” and completely over the top. My son is 12 and I can’t imagine how he would feel.

the only problem I see with the panel is really if they dispute your allegations and you have no evidence I’m not sure it will go your way. I’m sorry that your son was treated that way. Kids mess up. But adults are supposed to do better. It is hard though as you have just started this relationship with the school and it’s not ideal.

Two of the teaching staff from your children’s current school invited a school parent to their weddings? 🤔 Were you friends outside of the school before having children? Or are all of the staff exceptionally unprofessional?

Off on a tangent perhaps, but why should the school library be the dumping ground for misbehaving pupils?

1. review their policy on discipline
2. use their policy on having three adults to one child in an office. 3.
3. Review their policy on making a child sit outside for up to an hour while teachers are in an office. There has to be better solutions than keeping them in full public view whilst considering a punishment or discussing it before any such culpability has been found.

No more children at the school, but that doesn’t stop me caring about the institution and the new head has had a series of problems and bad judgements

I suspect they wanted him to see what he was missing, and the others that he was missing it, plus keeping an eye on the miscreants - all perfectly reasonable - and by no means the end of the world - he will survive, and might, without too much interference from you, still turn out do be a useful member of society, there is still hope.

Even if you have a legitimate complaint, what do you want to achieve by pursuing your complaint until the bitter end considering your DS is no longer a pupil there? Is he that traumatised by the incident he can’t move on without a fulsome apology?

Life is very different in small exclusive private schools- there is a lot of overlap in friendships with parents and teachers

It's impossible to judge when you won't say what he did!

@Brawsome - it really isnt that sort of school like your tone suggests . That is why I expect better