Complaint against school

[tubsters]

Posting with a name change to protect my child’s identity. Has anyone had experience with a Level 3 complaint panel hearing at a school?

My 12-year-old son, who has never really been in trouble before, was given what I feel were punitive and degrading punishments. For example, he was made to sit alone on a bench in the yard for about an hour, as all the other children walked past knowing he’d been excluded from a trip – a clear act of public humiliation.

He was also called into a meeting with the Head and three other teachers, where he was pressured to end every sentence with “sir.” He was clearly nervous, and this only heightened the power imbalance and distress he felt. he is usually very polite and would always use ‘sir ‘ in normal circumstances

I accept that children need discipline and have always supported teachers, but the way this was handled felt oppressive and unnecessary, especially for a child who posed no danger and was already anxious.

The Head has denied much of this, so I escalated it to the governors and it’s now going to a panel hearing. I feel quite daunted about going up against the school, but I strongly believe this needs to be addressed for my son’s sake and for other children in the future.

If anyone has been through a panel hearing and can share their experience or advice, I’d be really grateful.

You’re not a teacher are you ? Kids lie …. A lot, especially when they’re in trouble and are trying to wriggle out of it

Well done you for sticking by your child . Lots of bullying from teachers , specially head teachers these days . If your child never had a issue before then you are right .

I have 3 kids and I appreciate your point about he said, she said, but this is always trivial. However, when it comes to serious issues, especially outside of the home, I absolutely need my children to feel like I would trust them. I would never want them to think I wouldn’t. That is so dangerous.

The first quote says ‘never really been in trouble’ , not has never been.

You’d trust your child even if they were lying ?

Oh wait, he’s at a boarding school? OP is giving it “I know my child…” and is absolutely certain that his version of events is gospel, but he’s actually spending most of his time away from her? Ok then.

So what? Do you think teachers never make mistakes or never are power hungry? Met as many incompetent teachers as I have lying children.

Stop it. I’d trust my kid not to lie. Don’t be obtuse.

You’re not one though are you - we see it everyday, kids lie when they’ve been caught out, even when faced with cctv. Its ridiculously naive to think otherwise

Oh yes, the kids who never lie ffs 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

I can’t see your complaint being upheld as the punishments don’t seem to meet the threshold for humiliating or degrading. Sitting separately from those getting ready to go on a trip seems like a practical solution - it presumably allowed staff to keep an eye on him? Your panel might think differently. Does your child talk to people the way you have on this thread, just out of interest? As a teacher, based on your responses and attitude here, you seem like the type everyone rolls their eyes about in the staff room.

It does, it's called a punishment - it's not supposed to feel good - its supposed to feel belittling, degrading, make you feel small - the simple concept being that you realise your error and don't do it again.

Once (7 years ago, or thereabouts) I had a lad lad who liked to take the Mickey out of others appearance, he was an old school bully, nothing serious, but it wasn't getting any better - so I turned the tables, stood him up by the board and invited the class, most of whom he'd ridiculed to have a pop back - after about 2 minutes it was too much for him and he bolted in tears.

Never again did he ridicule anyone - I guess he felt belittled, demeaned etc, so what, he turned out all right, last seen reading architecture and by all accounts a complete twit, but an in-offensive one.

Your DS will survive, but if you've pissed off the head and his teachers they will, inevitably just set the bar higher - as the old saying goes, if you can't do the time, don't do the crime! if he doesn't want to be on the naughty step, its easy, don't be naughty.

Ask the school what he has done first ...take it from there

No I have had great relationships with the teachers over 13 years. Even been to two of their weddings ! I may sound adversarial on here against snarks but I am not in real life or definitely not with teachers. Our school was incredible over Covid for example

You sound like a nightmare parent. I think the school will be glad to see the back of you.

What is your problem- have you heard of DAY school students at boarding school. You have firmly displayed your prejudice around boarding school parents I see

You should know better than to make sweeping generalisations like this. Even if 99% of kids lie, you cannot and should not take the attitude that all kids do. There will be times you get it wrong.

And as a parent, we do need to foster a relationship in which our kids feels like we trust them. Without that, as I said before, who will they trust? It’s so important and for this reason alone, I will always trust my kids to tell me the truth.

I maybe do to you- but I am
actually not. Had 3 kids go through the school over 13 years. First time I have had to complain. Most of the teachers I have an excellent rapport with and have privately hinted at being agahst

@MumWifeOtherthis - exactly. I know my child. I know when he lies and know when he doesn’t.

No problem from me, I think it’s clear that you’re the one with the shit attitude on the thread, as per several other comments.

Is he a day boarder then?

@tubsters Jesus, wait until you hear how his colleagues and managers speak to him once he enters the workforce, OP.

Not all punishment is humiliating. It should not be. Dc should reflect on whet they have done and have privileges removed. This doesn’t have to be done in full view of others. Anyway op has decided to leave but the punishment should be as set out in their policy. No room for making it up on the hoof.

There is a very good reason for not humiliating dc too. It teaches them how to inflict poor punishments when they are older and they are in charge.

Yes so have I. FWIW (so as to be clearfor others) in this instance I don’t think they are generally incompetent at the school . I think they were flawed in dealing with my son the way they had

Yes but he won’t be 12 then will he ?

You are making quite a few spelling mistakes. This time: 'aghast' is the correct spelling.
And- nowhere previously have you mentioned that your son might be a day pupil at a boarding school. Having said that, day pupils endure long school days.
At the independent school where I'm a teacher, we have a list of parents like you!