What Would You Say I Should Do for University In This Situation?

[kmo0416]

Some of you may recall prior posts I made but here's an update and I hope you can give some advice.

Background:
When I was in Year 13, I applied to Cambridge and got an offer. However, I ended up underperforming and missing those grades because I received a late diagnosis of Autism - and although I was assessed as qualifying for extra time - it was too late in the year for my school to submit an application to the exam board to get the extra time. This meant I was disadvantaged in my A-Level exams and ended up getting BBB when I had been predicted to achieve 3 A-Stars. The predictions were based more heavily on classwork and coursework than in other years due to the impact of Covid, during which schools had to rely on the performance of their students during the year rather than rely on singular tests. (That is before anyone says that I shouldn't have been predicted such high grades in the first place).

Naturally, this meant that I lost my Cambridge offer but I also lost my insurance offer.

I didn't want to go through Clearing so decided to take a gap year so that I could apply elsewhere and so I could retake my A-level exams since I knew that I would now have the ability to reach my full potential as I would get extra time. I didn't return to school and stayed at home for the year. This meant I applied via UCAS independently which caused issues as I didn't have anyone to give me predicted grades as my old school refused and this caused a lot of hassle for me which meant that I ended up missing the Oxbridge deadline of 15th October. This is despite the fact that I intended to reapply to Oxbridge - Oxford specifically this time.

The reason why I wanted to apply to Oxford despite retaking my A-levels was threefold: firstly, I knew that I had been disadvantaged and so the grades that I had got were not truly reflective of my abilities; secondly, Oxford has a much more holistic and in-depth admissions process than most other UK universities and they told me that they would factor in any extenuating circumstances which was good since I had a doctor's letter handy and also, I heard of other students who had got in after resitting their A-levels due to certain extenuating circumstances or who were resitting their A-levels this year and still applying which made me hopeful; and finally, because I just really liked Oxford.

So, when I missed the Oxbridge deadline, I was really upset since I felt that I had blown that chance of me possibly having another shot at Oxbridge. This is especially since my admissions test (which was used for other universities as well) went very well.

I then discovered that Oxford and Cambridge ran Foundation Year programmes for those from disadvantaged backgrounds - like those who went to a state school, were on Free School Meals etc and who would otherwise be unable to make a competitive application to Oxbridge. And, the deadline for these were the end of January so they were still open. Just for the record, I really, really did not want to apply to either of those programmes or attend either as I knew that I did not need them since the only reason I was retaking my exams was because I did not get the extra time and because I felt like they would be a waste of a year for me. The programmes offer a year of study for free and if you pass you can progress to your chosen Oxbridge degree.

I was still really upset about having missed the Oxbridge deadline but I applied to the Cambridge Foundation Year nonetheless as I thought I might as well try since I had nothing to lose. The reason why I applied to Cambridge instead of Oxford is because my new A-level predicitions - which I got from a private test centre - were 3 A-stars (like last year but with extra time in my mocks this time around) and whereas Oxford for their Foundation Year programme don't want students with high grades as they think they won't benefit, Cambridge doesn't mind. (The entry requirements for the Foundation Year programmes at both universities is BBB so I had already met them but 3 A-stars was way above the requirements). So even though I preferred Oxford as a university and was planning on applying there this year, I chose Cambridge as I thought I would have a higher chance of getting in and that I might as well making use of the situation I was in.

In the meantime, I managed to get into my four other university choices - including UCL which is one of the best universities for my subject - which shows how despite my A-level resits I was still able to get into good universities. This made me regret not having been able to meet the Oxbridge deadline as I thought if I could get into UCL and they weren't minding me retaking my exams because they had carefully considered my specific circumstances and the reasons why I was having to retake exams, then surely Oxford would be just as understanding.

I half-heartedly completed the admission test and interviews for the Cambridge Foundation Year and managed to get an offer in May.

I was not at all happy that I got an offer from Cambridge because I do not want to do a Foundation Year that I do not need and would find a waste of time. However, I decided to firm Cambridge and insure UCL as I could always change my mind later.

I then did my A-level exams again (with extra time) and I think I did really well. Though, that's not saying much since I didn't need to revise much as I had already been prepared last year so this was not a case of trying to do better just a case of me proving that I was able to do well if I had had the extra time in the first place.

UCAS has something called 'reply swaps' which means that until 24th July (this Thursday), you can ask UCAS with your universities' consent to switch your firm/insurance offers around. So, I have sort of been leaving this to the last minute as I don't want the stress of having to confront this. But, now the time is almost up.

I still don't want to go to Cambridge for their Foundation Year programme - I would much rather be doing direct degree entry at Oxford. And, I know that that sounds audacious to say as if I had applied normally to Oxford, I may have been rejected, but, it's just the fact that I did manage to get into the Cambridge Foundation Year; the rest of my UCAS application i.e. admission test was good; that Oxford accepts A-level resits; and that some of those people - who I mentioned previously - who were reapplying to Oxford with A-level resits actually got in - this means that I do have a sort of 'what if?' situation going on.

You may think that I should just reject Cambridge if I really don't want to go there but it's not that easy. This is as my parents won't let me take a second gap year and even though I am happy that I got an offer from UCL (and other prestigious universities), I fundamentally don't like them either and don't want to go there either as London is too overwhelming for me.

I asked Oxford if they would accept applications from students studying elsewhere in the UK and they said normally they would not but under certain circumstances like if a student has a disability they might - and I might qualify. So, perhaps I could decline Cambridge and UCL and go to a more desirable university like Manchester for my subject - even though Manchester is not particularly prestigious and under normal circumstances, I would not want to go there. I say Manchester is more 'desirable' only because it is not too overwhelming but not too boring either - it has the perfect balance, but it's certainly not prestigious for my subject and I wouldn't really want to go there. Then, I could stay at Manchester for a year while reapplying to Oxford and other universities. I know I could get rejected from Oxford, but ultimately, this is just about me feeling that I have had a shot where I was able to put my everything into an Oxbridge application - whereas this year I didn't even meet the deadline and the year before I got an offer but missed it due to a lack of extra time.

So, this is more a case of figuring out how best to withstand the next year as I won't be able to take another gap year. I would rather 'stick it out' at a university I am more comfortable at - hence, the less overwhelming Manchester compared to UCL. But, I don't just want to 'stick it out' in any random university like Nottingham Trent - because I want a modicum of prestige as if I get rejected from Oxford, then I can stay there and I won't have entirely wasted a year. But, then that makes me not want to go to Manchester as UCL is more prestigious.

When you do the Foundation Year at Cambridge, you have to apply to universities for next year. You have to also apply to Cambridge if you want to stay there and then if you pass your Foundation Year, you automatically get a place for your degree at Cambridge, if not, then you go to your other university choices.

Recently, I have been put off Cambridge. This is as before I applied to Cambridge in Year 13, I did not know anything about Oxbridge or any other university as I had never had the opportunity to visit a faraway university or attend an open day and so my knowledge of them was based on what I read and saw online. But, recently when I visited both Oxford and Cambridge - I genuinely found Cambridge to be so undesirable as it was so boring whereas Oxford felt so much more lively. After all, as mentioned previously, I like cities that are not overwhelming like London but not totally boring like Cambridge and so Oxford seemed more attractive than Cambridge. Furthermore, Cambridge is much smaller than Oxford is.

With all that said, I was slightly relieved that I did not get into Cambridge first time around as maybe I would be upset with having to go there now!

But, this further reinforced the idea that I did not want to go to Cambridge at all - definitely not for the Foundation Year - but if I was reapplying for degree entry, I would definitely choose Oxford over Cambridge.

Therefore, it's not so simple as to say that I could 'stick it out' at Cambridge and complete their Foundation Year programme and then apply to Oxford. Because even though that is possible as you don't have to apply to Cambridge for degree entry and can choose Oxford - if I got rejected from Oxford, I wouldn't be able to stay at Cambridge since you can only apply to either or in an admissions cycle so I wouldn't have the university I was at to fall back on like if I went to Manchester or UCL.

But, ultimately, I am very upset about this whole situation as although I am okay with my gap year and don't feel behind my peers as many others have taken gap years or do 4-year courses at university, I don't want to be two years behind my peers which this whole missed Oxbridge deadline/Cambridge Foundation Year/less prestigious universities/'undesirable' (in terms of vibe and location) universities issue is putting me in.

After all, going to Cambridge would still put me two years behind as I would be doing a needless Foundation Year. Reapplying to Oxford would put me two years behind. Going to UCL would make me unhappy as I would find it too overwhelming. And I could bear Manchester for a year since it's vibe/location is okay but considering how UCL is literally higher-ranked and more prestigious and more opportune; and the fact that I would always feel like I never had a proper shot at Oxbridge - would constantly make me regretful.

Ultimately, in the best case scenario I would have applied to Oxford this year by the deadline and at least been considered. If I didn't get in, I would have not been happy but at least I would have known I tried. Then, maybe I would have been okay to go elsewhere - or maybe not since the whole prestige vs comfortable location i.e. Manchester vs UCL issue would still exist. If I did get into Oxford, that would have been perfect for me as not only would I not be two years behind my peers in getting to Oxford; not have to do a useless Foundation Year; be in a prestigious university; but I would also be in a 'desirable' city in terms of size and vibes. But, that is not what happened.

I must admit that getting into Oxford is what I would have really liked as it's what I think would be the 'perfect university for me' - the perfect combination of prestige and the sort of location/vibe that I would like. And I know that that may be audacious to say as you may be thinking, 'well obviously, anyone would want to go to Oxford if they could' - that's not so simple. To me, prestige is certainly a factor but UCL (as mentioned is also prestigious), but its location is too off-putting for me. Likewise some people may not want to go to Oxford as they might find it too stuffy. So I suppose a lot of this desire of mine to get into the 'perfect university' is just to be comfortable - comfortable that I am at a university that is prestigious enough and opportune enough for me and that is in a good location for me.

So, what would you recommend I do based on all of this?

I know that some posters on here may be frustrated that I have asked this thread some times before - but this is more of an updated version - so I hope you can answer.

I'd recommend that since you don't really have a firm idea of where you want to you or why, take another year out, get a job and save some money. Assuming you are an adult, you don't need your parents permission to do this.

Take the time to work out what it is you want to do next and then aim for that. Maybe spend some more time in the places you are considering to help with that choice.

Also consider why you are so concerned with "prestige" - surely the course content and the environment being the right fit for you is more important? And there's nothing wrong with Nottingham Trent either - you are going to offend people by making comments that suggest otherwise.

This poster has made multiple threads about this. It will never end.

But on the off chance it might, abandon the Oxford idea if you don't want another year out. You feel the Cambridge offer is demeaning so don't take it. You don't want Ucl, so go for Manchester. But you will need to see if they have clearing places as it sounds like your current choices are Cambridge and Ucl.

If you can't fathom the answer to this, despite multiple threads, are you ready for any university?

And certainly not for law.

With kindness, you’re overthinking this - which is understandable at your age.

everyone faces set backs in life. The nature of the set back is much less important than how you deal with it. My advice to you would be to try to stop thinking about how your choices will appear to other people or what you think you’re owed or what you think is unfair, and just get on with experiencing your life.

You don’t want to live in London or Cambridge. you don’t want to take another gap year. You might get into Oxford but there’s a high chance you won’t. Either try for Oxford and live with a clearing place if you’re unsuccessful or go to Manchester (fantastic university) and put an end to the uncertainty now.

after you leave full time education, the prestige of your university and even your grades or degree subject(s) rapidly become much less important than your ability to work hard and get on with people. I know many many Oxbridge graduates who still feel aggrieved, 25 years later, that they are not reaping the rewards of the ‘potential’ everyone told them they had when they were teenagers. Those are the people who always drop into conversation where they went to uni, and they’re mostly arseholes. Don’t become one of them.

I couldn't be bothered reading all that. Wherever you go to university they will offer study skills courses to help you write better essays. Please please please take them.

It doesn't sound as though you are ready to go to university.

Cambridge has offered you a place, twice. The first time, you missed the grades which you feel is because you didn't get extra time. The second time, you don't yet have your new grades but you meet the offer using last year's. However, even though Cambridge has recognised the extra time issue and that not having access to it put you at a disadvantage for A-levels, you aren't happy that Cambridge is offering you extra time in the form of a foundation year.

UCL is out because it's in London. Manchester may be acceptable to you as you feel it's less overwhelming than London, but you don't consider it to be prestigious. Other universities you have applied to aren't Oxford so you will not be happy at them.

From reading your post, it sounds as though you will be unable to let this go until Oxford has offered you a place. I think you need to withdraw from the process this year and apply to Oxford with your 2025 grades. It's not fair to hold the foundation place at Cambridge when it could be offered to someone who actually wants to go to Cambridge. If Oxford is the only place you would be willing to go to, don't apply to other places or you will be in this position again.

You need to think about how you will manage if Oxford do not offer you a place for 2026. If that were to happen but you've already turned down Cambridge and denied yourself that opportunity, how will you make peace with the situation? Are you going to have to go through this whole story to explain how you think Oxford is your destiny and in spite of Cambridge offering you places twice, that's not in line with your view of your potential... so are going nowhere.

Your ego is going to prevent you from taking full advantage of the foundation year.

going to a university with a plan to transfer means you will not be making strong connections. You will miss out on friendships that could last a lifetime. You won’t engage with the curriculum in the same way.

you need to pick a school and commit. Don’t be overly precious about the city. You are there to get an education. It doesn’t matter if it is boring, exciting, big, or small. You will find your niche of friends wherever you end up as long as you commit.

I would go with UCL. It’s a place you can start now and stay the entire time.

you missed out on Oxford. You will survive. I didn’t get to go to my dream school either and that one wasn’t my fault at all, I didn’t miss deadlines, I just couldn’t make the money happen. I still managed to get a great education and got my dream job.

remember, this is just one step to your real goal

You are focused on finding your perfect option. This is very common when you are autistic. The reality in life is that there are no perfect options.

You are likely experiencing decision paralysis. The focus on Oxford is a way of avoiding making a decision. Your genuine decision is between 4 universities that you do have offers from, and having another gap year. I think that you should take the gap year off the table. So then you just have to weigh up the pros and cons of the four offers you do have. UCL is in London, but the idea of overwhelm is more a theoretical barrier than real - in practical terms, you can live just as quiet a life in London as in Manchester.

You would benefit from finding a counsellor or therapist to talk through some of this, or friends and family if they might be helpful. What do your parents think?

Take some personal responsibility, you missed out on applying to Oxford because you didn't make the deadline. It's the same every year. Medicine, dentistry and Oxbridhe you apply in October.
It might be a kindness if you end up with the 3 Bs again, to stop you obsessing. I'd think really hard about why uni, maybe you'd be better not going away and doing open uni and a job instead. Or am apprentice degree if you want to be a solicitor.

Go to Manchester or UCL. Get your degree and take the time to mature. Then do a post grad at Oxford. If you keep missing out on it at this stage, take it as a sign that you’re not ready to meet the requirements and work towards that whilst gaining more qualifications and life lessons in the mean time. You may also pick up a little humility re your focus on prestige. Otherwise you’re going to waste some amazing opportunities that you are lucky enough to have whilst behaving like a petulant teen because you can’t have everything that you want.

I would work on writing more concisely before applying to any university especially if you want to do law.

Again, with kindness - purely from the length of your post (can you not see that it is well outside the norm for this forum?) I feel you are not currently in a position where you could fully take advantage of any university course. This level of solipsism, and your belief that busy, grown up women have this much time to give you might mean you’d struggle to get the amount of attention you’d want in a university setting, from either your peers or your tutors.

That is not to dismiss your quandaries - but as they have not been resolved through threads here you may be better advised to seek real life counsel.

Go to Manchester or UCL

The OP can achieve the second option if they get a move on and use the reply swap process and they meet their offer from UCL.

Manchester is only a possibility in this round if the OP releases thenselves into Clearing and a place is available and they have met the grades required.

You aren't ready to start a degree at Oxford or Cambridge, or anywhere else actually.

You should either do the foundation year which would ease you into degree level study or start working and postpone applying to university for a couple of years until you have matured a bit.

It was suggested to you previously, that you consider applications to other universities, which you refused to do. You were given advice and suggestions aplenty, but you are not accepting any of them.

I think that, unless you are able to consider other options, you are destined to be disappointed and that you can obtain a university place with your grades at a number of universities, but not Oxford.

It sounds like you really have your heart set on Oxford. Just reapply this year and take another year out. An extra year won't make a difference in the scheme of things. If you're worried about being in London then forget UCL.

Personally I would much rather go to Cambridge than Oxford - but that's irrelevant.

Is it possible to apply for Oxford or Cambridge whilst you are at another uni? Eg. Could you start at manchester, apply to Oxford in October and then the following year start at Oxford ? Or don't Oxbridge accept applications from current students. I'm asking because my DD is in a, sort of, similar situation; she missed the deadline last October for Cambridge and is due to go to another uni this septmeber but regrets not applying to Cambridge; equally she's not keen on taking another year out. She's got 2 A* and an A.

Just go to UCL. And look up rumination / looped thinking / perseverance in ASD.

If you don’t want to go to Cambridge, Foundation year or degree, there is no point listing it. However Oxford is a pipedream. You may have missed the boat and be better advised to choose UCL or another. You could still apply for postgrad if appropriate. You can’t keep putting life on hold while you dither. Will Oxford even consider resits?

It’s very obvious that you want to go to Oxford, and only Oxford will do, so stop messing around with other options and figure out what you need to do to either get there, or (genuinely) get some help to figure out why it’s so important to you do you can move on.

Your parents can’t prevent you from taking another gap year. (I am assuming you are not expecting them to fund it).

I think you are self sabotaging.

You wanted Cambridge - but now it’s demeaning and boring.

You wanted Oxford - but you didn’t apply on time despite already being aware of the process for 12 months longer than most candidates.

You have insured UCL - but why did you apply in the first place if you can’t stand London?

You would consider Manchester - but you haven’t got a place there.

You can only tolerate “perfect” - but there is no such thing.

You need a gap year to get Oxford perfection - but you won’t take one (wtf does “not allowed” mean? You want bank of mum and dad to fund you?)

I think what you really want is to be back in the summer between y11 and y12 - but time marches on. You have 3 realistic options

• UCL - not realistic imo - you’ve already decided you can’t do it.

• Cambridge foundation - the best of a bad lot.

• Year out - not unrealistic but I think you are just kicking life down the road - next year you will either not have an Oxford offer (or a Cambridge one) or have one but pick it apart - you prefer the course at Aberdeen - you can’t cope with your allocated college - the tutor isn’t good enough - it’s not as good as Cambridge.

• Clearing to another smallish city or campus university - you will spend the whole time telling anyone who will listen that it’s not really good enough for you - you missed your Cambridge offer (someone else’s fault for not giving you extra time) and you couldn’t apply to Oxford (again - someone else’s fault) and you should have been at either Cambridge or UCL but other people did something and now you’ve ended up in the wrong place. Maybe that’s what all this is - a feeling of being in the wrong place.

Just go to Cambridge - take the opportunity to improve your skills and grow up a bit in the foundation year and learn to be happy with what you’ve got instead of constantly scanning the room for something better.

I dont think Oxford will take you. If you keep piasing around you will also miss the opportunity to go to Cambridge. Just take the foundation year and count your blessings.

Agree, you need to work out why you are so fixated on Oxford and why nothing else is convincing you to make a decision to go elsewhere in the absence of an offer. The more you pursue it the more likely you will be disappointed, struggle and feel unable to move on to the next phase. You applied to do Law iirc, have you had any work experience during your retake year, made contacts which would potentially lead to an internship or contract, researched any fields of interest etc. Perhaps uni is not for you?

OP lots of threads about the same thing on here.

Honestly? You just need to take a deep breath.

There is no perfect university. That is a fact. (Oxford is not "better" than Cambridge. That is another fact.....)

You didn't get the A level grades you were predicted and then you missed a deadline. This is down to you.

Why apply to do a course you didn't want to do at a university you didn't want to go to? Surely you can see that makes no sense.

In your shoes I would choose UCL or Manchester and quickly because accommodation options have probably already been released.

But I sense that you will defer another year and then ask whether you should apply for Oxford. You can do that. But remember even if you do get the A stars nothing is guaranteed and you could be back here in a year's time going to UCL or Manchester.