What Would You Say I Should Do for University In This Situation?

[kmo0416]

Some of you may recall prior posts I made but here's an update and I hope you can give some advice.

Background:
When I was in Year 13, I applied to Cambridge and got an offer. However, I ended up underperforming and missing those grades because I received a late diagnosis of Autism - and although I was assessed as qualifying for extra time - it was too late in the year for my school to submit an application to the exam board to get the extra time. This meant I was disadvantaged in my A-Level exams and ended up getting BBB when I had been predicted to achieve 3 A-Stars. The predictions were based more heavily on classwork and coursework than in other years due to the impact of Covid, during which schools had to rely on the performance of their students during the year rather than rely on singular tests. (That is before anyone says that I shouldn't have been predicted such high grades in the first place).

Naturally, this meant that I lost my Cambridge offer but I also lost my insurance offer.

I didn't want to go through Clearing so decided to take a gap year so that I could apply elsewhere and so I could retake my A-level exams since I knew that I would now have the ability to reach my full potential as I would get extra time. I didn't return to school and stayed at home for the year. This meant I applied via UCAS independently which caused issues as I didn't have anyone to give me predicted grades as my old school refused and this caused a lot of hassle for me which meant that I ended up missing the Oxbridge deadline of 15th October. This is despite the fact that I intended to reapply to Oxbridge - Oxford specifically this time.

The reason why I wanted to apply to Oxford despite retaking my A-levels was threefold: firstly, I knew that I had been disadvantaged and so the grades that I had got were not truly reflective of my abilities; secondly, Oxford has a much more holistic and in-depth admissions process than most other UK universities and they told me that they would factor in any extenuating circumstances which was good since I had a doctor's letter handy and also, I heard of other students who had got in after resitting their A-levels due to certain extenuating circumstances or who were resitting their A-levels this year and still applying which made me hopeful; and finally, because I just really liked Oxford.

So, when I missed the Oxbridge deadline, I was really upset since I felt that I had blown that chance of me possibly having another shot at Oxbridge. This is especially since my admissions test (which was used for other universities as well) went very well.

I then discovered that Oxford and Cambridge ran Foundation Year programmes for those from disadvantaged backgrounds - like those who went to a state school, were on Free School Meals etc and who would otherwise be unable to make a competitive application to Oxbridge. And, the deadline for these were the end of January so they were still open. Just for the record, I really, really did not want to apply to either of those programmes or attend either as I knew that I did not need them since the only reason I was retaking my exams was because I did not get the extra time and because I felt like they would be a waste of a year for me. The programmes offer a year of study for free and if you pass you can progress to your chosen Oxbridge degree.

I was still really upset about having missed the Oxbridge deadline but I applied to the Cambridge Foundation Year nonetheless as I thought I might as well try since I had nothing to lose. The reason why I applied to Cambridge instead of Oxford is because my new A-level predicitions - which I got from a private test centre - were 3 A-stars (like last year but with extra time in my mocks this time around) and whereas Oxford for their Foundation Year programme don't want students with high grades as they think they won't benefit, Cambridge doesn't mind. (The entry requirements for the Foundation Year programmes at both universities is BBB so I had already met them but 3 A-stars was way above the requirements). So even though I preferred Oxford as a university and was planning on applying there this year, I chose Cambridge as I thought I would have a higher chance of getting in and that I might as well making use of the situation I was in.

In the meantime, I managed to get into my four other university choices - including UCL which is one of the best universities for my subject - which shows how despite my A-level resits I was still able to get into good universities. This made me regret not having been able to meet the Oxbridge deadline as I thought if I could get into UCL and they weren't minding me retaking my exams because they had carefully considered my specific circumstances and the reasons why I was having to retake exams, then surely Oxford would be just as understanding.

I half-heartedly completed the admission test and interviews for the Cambridge Foundation Year and managed to get an offer in May.

I was not at all happy that I got an offer from Cambridge because I do not want to do a Foundation Year that I do not need and would find a waste of time. However, I decided to firm Cambridge and insure UCL as I could always change my mind later.

I then did my A-level exams again (with extra time) and I think I did really well. Though, that's not saying much since I didn't need to revise much as I had already been prepared last year so this was not a case of trying to do better just a case of me proving that I was able to do well if I had had the extra time in the first place.

UCAS has something called 'reply swaps' which means that until 24th July (this Thursday), you can ask UCAS with your universities' consent to switch your firm/insurance offers around. So, I have sort of been leaving this to the last minute as I don't want the stress of having to confront this. But, now the time is almost up.

I still don't want to go to Cambridge for their Foundation Year programme - I would much rather be doing direct degree entry at Oxford. And, I know that that sounds audacious to say as if I had applied normally to Oxford, I may have been rejected, but, it's just the fact that I did manage to get into the Cambridge Foundation Year; the rest of my UCAS application i.e. admission test was good; that Oxford accepts A-level resits; and that some of those people - who I mentioned previously - who were reapplying to Oxford with A-level resits actually got in - this means that I do have a sort of 'what if?' situation going on.

You may think that I should just reject Cambridge if I really don't want to go there but it's not that easy. This is as my parents won't let me take a second gap year and even though I am happy that I got an offer from UCL (and other prestigious universities), I fundamentally don't like them either and don't want to go there either as London is too overwhelming for me.

I asked Oxford if they would accept applications from students studying elsewhere in the UK and they said normally they would not but under certain circumstances like if a student has a disability they might - and I might qualify. So, perhaps I could decline Cambridge and UCL and go to a more desirable university like Manchester for my subject - even though Manchester is not particularly prestigious and under normal circumstances, I would not want to go there. I say Manchester is more 'desirable' only because it is not too overwhelming but not too boring either - it has the perfect balance, but it's certainly not prestigious for my subject and I wouldn't really want to go there. Then, I could stay at Manchester for a year while reapplying to Oxford and other universities. I know I could get rejected from Oxford, but ultimately, this is just about me feeling that I have had a shot where I was able to put my everything into an Oxbridge application - whereas this year I didn't even meet the deadline and the year before I got an offer but missed it due to a lack of extra time.

So, this is more a case of figuring out how best to withstand the next year as I won't be able to take another gap year. I would rather 'stick it out' at a university I am more comfortable at - hence, the less overwhelming Manchester compared to UCL. But, I don't just want to 'stick it out' in any random university like Nottingham Trent - because I want a modicum of prestige as if I get rejected from Oxford, then I can stay there and I won't have entirely wasted a year. But, then that makes me not want to go to Manchester as UCL is more prestigious.

When you do the Foundation Year at Cambridge, you have to apply to universities for next year. You have to also apply to Cambridge if you want to stay there and then if you pass your Foundation Year, you automatically get a place for your degree at Cambridge, if not, then you go to your other university choices.

Recently, I have been put off Cambridge. This is as before I applied to Cambridge in Year 13, I did not know anything about Oxbridge or any other university as I had never had the opportunity to visit a faraway university or attend an open day and so my knowledge of them was based on what I read and saw online. But, recently when I visited both Oxford and Cambridge - I genuinely found Cambridge to be so undesirable as it was so boring whereas Oxford felt so much more lively. After all, as mentioned previously, I like cities that are not overwhelming like London but not totally boring like Cambridge and so Oxford seemed more attractive than Cambridge. Furthermore, Cambridge is much smaller than Oxford is.

With all that said, I was slightly relieved that I did not get into Cambridge first time around as maybe I would be upset with having to go there now!

But, this further reinforced the idea that I did not want to go to Cambridge at all - definitely not for the Foundation Year - but if I was reapplying for degree entry, I would definitely choose Oxford over Cambridge.

Therefore, it's not so simple as to say that I could 'stick it out' at Cambridge and complete their Foundation Year programme and then apply to Oxford. Because even though that is possible as you don't have to apply to Cambridge for degree entry and can choose Oxford - if I got rejected from Oxford, I wouldn't be able to stay at Cambridge since you can only apply to either or in an admissions cycle so I wouldn't have the university I was at to fall back on like if I went to Manchester or UCL.

But, ultimately, I am very upset about this whole situation as although I am okay with my gap year and don't feel behind my peers as many others have taken gap years or do 4-year courses at university, I don't want to be two years behind my peers which this whole missed Oxbridge deadline/Cambridge Foundation Year/less prestigious universities/'undesirable' (in terms of vibe and location) universities issue is putting me in.

After all, going to Cambridge would still put me two years behind as I would be doing a needless Foundation Year. Reapplying to Oxford would put me two years behind. Going to UCL would make me unhappy as I would find it too overwhelming. And I could bear Manchester for a year since it's vibe/location is okay but considering how UCL is literally higher-ranked and more prestigious and more opportune; and the fact that I would always feel like I never had a proper shot at Oxbridge - would constantly make me regretful.

Ultimately, in the best case scenario I would have applied to Oxford this year by the deadline and at least been considered. If I didn't get in, I would have not been happy but at least I would have known I tried. Then, maybe I would have been okay to go elsewhere - or maybe not since the whole prestige vs comfortable location i.e. Manchester vs UCL issue would still exist. If I did get into Oxford, that would have been perfect for me as not only would I not be two years behind my peers in getting to Oxford; not have to do a useless Foundation Year; be in a prestigious university; but I would also be in a 'desirable' city in terms of size and vibes. But, that is not what happened.

I must admit that getting into Oxford is what I would have really liked as it's what I think would be the 'perfect university for me' - the perfect combination of prestige and the sort of location/vibe that I would like. And I know that that may be audacious to say as you may be thinking, 'well obviously, anyone would want to go to Oxford if they could' - that's not so simple. To me, prestige is certainly a factor but UCL (as mentioned is also prestigious), but its location is too off-putting for me. Likewise some people may not want to go to Oxford as they might find it too stuffy. So I suppose a lot of this desire of mine to get into the 'perfect university' is just to be comfortable - comfortable that I am at a university that is prestigious enough and opportune enough for me and that is in a good location for me.

So, what would you recommend I do based on all of this?

I know that some posters on here may be frustrated that I have asked this thread some times before - but this is more of an updated version - so I hope you can answer.

I remember your other threads so this is probably pointless but forget about Oxford. Do the foundation year and use that to learn to let go of these hang ups about prestige and perfection and work with the reality. You’ll waste your life with these delusions and ditherings otherwise. They’ve already made you miss deadlines and make wrong choices (why apply to UCL if you can’t do London). Get on with the next step and forget about the fantasy you in Oxford who does not exist.

That commuting to UCL plan btw IS extremely ridiculous and the fact you’re even thinking about it is unhinged.

I don't think you will ever be happy unless you go to Oxford.
So you either take a risk in Oxford having you.

Or go elsewhere and either wallow in "I didn't go to Oxford" or embrace where you are at.

Also get some therapy. You sound you fixate on things to an extent it is very detrimental to your daily life.

Railcards can only be used at certain times of the day.

It would not to be feasible to daily commute from Manchester to UCL and also function well enough to pursue a degree.

This indicates the lack of critical thinking you would need to pursue a law degree at any of the institutions you wish to go to.

I agree. It seems Oxford is the be all and end all for you.

Take a proper gap year and reapply to Oxford. Get in and go! Don't get in - accept it and move on elsewhere.

There isn't a perfect choice which you need to make. You don't find yourself, you make yourself. You make decisions and then learn from them when making future decisions. It is only when looking back over your life that you realise the path you have taken.

I could sit wondering what had happened if I had taken a different course when my uni tutor suggested I did. I could have gone into a different much more lucrative line of work. If I had though I wouldn't have the family I have, the job I have and I don't know if I would have been as happy as I am now.

Most people I know who went to university have enjoyed being in the place that they ended up and couldn't imagine having gone elsewhere. University is designed for young people to meet and mingle. A foundation year is not just about the level of study but also about learning to live away from home in a supportive environment and still achieve deadlines. I very much doubt that a Cambridge foundation course will be so far beneath your intellectual abilities and you will have the interaction with other students plus the access to all the library facilities. Cambridge being somewhat smaller and quieter than Oxford won't actually matter because there are far more people in Cambridge than you can ever expect to meet in a degree course, that is before you add the tourists who will be everywhere. You would then need to decide after the first week whether to apply for Oxford or Cambridge.

I suspect that Oxford would be happier with a foundation course at Cambridge than with starting first year somewhere else. Although they say they might consider exceptional circumstances moving from a different degree that might mean more exceptional than you not being able to decide and your parents not wanting you to have a gap year (which probably would be the best option). I know you can put other information down, but that is the crux of the reason. It might mean situations such as a parent being very ill and the person needing to be in Oxford. They aren't saying it doesn't happen, because it obviously can but I would not rely on that in your application.

The doubts and insecurities will be with you wherever you go until you work on them either through therapy or finding the right self help approach. University is what you make of it. There are no right or wrong choices, just different ones.

Commuting from Machester to UCL is the worst option by a long long long way.

I agree that you are showing some very fixated thinking and it would be sensible to try and unpick this a bit. Commuting to UCL is just not realistic in so many ways. Your Cambridge offer is an excellent option although it won’t be if you go there with a sense of not wanting to be there.

There is absolutely no guarantee of an offer from Oxford in a year whatever A levels results you get - you only have to read the HE boards here and see how many kids with top grades and all sort of bells and whistles don’t get offers. Your Cambridge offer is real. As are your other university offers. As others have said, Oxford is a fantasy and even if you did end up getting an offer, it may well end up not fulfilling what you think it will give you. Applying after a first year at another university is highly unusual and would be a big topic at your interview - your scenario would I think raise huge alarm bells with the admissions team.

Also do you know what the funding implications of potentially restarting a first degree would be and whether you could cope with them?

You can’t go elsewhere and apply for Oxford at same time, that was disucssed many threads ago. It would mean withdrawing and reapplying but likely miss the deadline so lose another year. Commuting from Manchester is mad and would miss the opportunites for cocurricular and social activities which are very much part of UCL even though many students live in outer London and travel n, not to mention exhausting. You would be setting yourself up to fail, worrying you refer to “homework”. Uni study is very self reliant , not purely teaching, and you get out what you put in. Just doing work as set will not get you a good degree, you need to be reading cases and researching in the library well beyond attending lectures and seminars. I’m not sure you are yet prepared to do so wherever you were to go and that foundation year would be a good opportunity to develop the relevant study skills. If you want to live in the familiarity if Manchester (although I though you were previously keen to leave home) take a uni place in Manchester.

Take the foundation year and use it wisely. You say you are autistic; that's going to make university more of a challenge than average.

You need to learn to meet deadlines and take responsibility for decisions, neither of which are going to come naturally.

And (ask your parents to help you) find autism-specific counselling. Your posts remind me immensely of my own autistic son, and you are spiralling about all of this.

Agree with @PauliString - even though OP clearly has a high opinion of herself and thinks she's above it, she really sounds like she needs the foundation year to snap out of these loopy unrealistic plans and start maturing. All these threads show someone not ready to function at the level needed for the 'prestige' unis she's obsessed with and the foundation year will help a lot.

Must admit I'd assumed "he", probably because the style is so like my son's, but I did that with no evidence.

If you are doing law, won't you need to be in a library whilst researching your essays? Cross referencing cases, checking if they are relevant etc etc? Commuting would be exhausting and not an effective place to do the majority of your work.

Cambridge is a smaller, quieter city than Oxford but there is still loads going on for students. I think you would be very ill-advised to give up a Cambridge Foundation place in the hope of Oxford the following year. A foundation place will move you forward in your studies, and help you settle in to independent living before starting the degree proper. I think it would be perfect for you.

Also if this swap deadline didn't exist you'd not even be agonising about this option. Stick with your initial order and go on the foundation year, ditching all the harebrained schemes of commuting or starting in Mancs and transferring to Oxford. Those aren't going to happen and that kind of thinking just makes it all the more clear that you need to go to the foundation year and move forward.

unless op is eligible for a Disabled railcard use of which is not time limited.

Going to a different university for a Masters is totally normal and absolutely how many people end up at Oxbridge along their journey. It's very different to what the OP is suggesting.

I really don't think making psychiatric diagnoses online is on though.

I think you’re not ready for university.

Your UCAS application should have been (apart from Oxford) unis that fulfil your vibes and prestige requirements. Why on earth would you put UCL when you knit that you wouldn’t want to live in London? So you could say that they gave you an offer? That’s silly.

I think that you need to work for a year and reapply for next year. I know it might feel that you’re behind your peers but once school finishes, that matters less because adults are adults. This time round you would have your grades and hopefully you can get in your car and visit the cities for your other choices. Your comments about prestigious unis not being good enough are in bad taste but hopefully you can find unis that match your requirements better.

I don’t think a year or uni abroad is feasible for someone struggling to use public transport or make positive life decisions and commitments.

One day at a time, maybe, and Stop living in the past.

Honestly, I would not recommended this.

I worked and commuted a much smaller distance to London for many years. A journey that was 1 hr 30 on paper would realistically take 2-3 hours. There’s constant delays. The trains are often crowded as well so doing homework on the train might not be as easy as you think (I was often squished between people standing up on my train home).

As someone who has lived in London and also commutes in and out of London, they’re both very overwhelming

The Manchester/London commute is absolutely nonsense as an idea.

But more to the point it is added in as yet another confusing option. Another blocker.

The OP needs some support to narrow down her options and ways to drop others.
She needs support to develop some strategies for decision making.

There is much more needing to be addressed than choosing a uni.

@kmo0416 do you have anyone impartial you trust (teacher, support worker, counsellor?) who could talk through your ramblings with and help find a way forwards. Presumably someone suggested applying for the foundation course and provided references in support. Do you currently have live firm/insurance offers for any courses other than the Cambridge foundation year(since your refer to amending UCAS) or would you rely on Clearing availability? It feels as if you are no further forward than a year ago.

@kmo0416I’ve DM’d you, my YP’s situation is very similar.

You need to consider that many law firms are not going to like the fact that you are doing resits nor the fact that you are potentially going to have a number of false starts to university. It isn't a complete barrier but it will put you at a disadvantage.

In addition, BBB isn't a bad set of A level grades but it is by no means guaranteed that you are going to get A*s this time around. Judging from your multiple, long winded, indecisive posts I would be surprised.

Have you tried talking to UCL disability support about what they can offer? Someone I know with anxiety was offered an en suite room in a "quiet" hall (which also housed the disability support office), to try and minimise overwhelm. That was a different university, but UCL may be equally helpful. A three hour commute on a busy route seems to be a recipe for overwhelm, and can you be sure you will only need to be there three times a week?