College help pls - nothing sorted for my son yet 😔

[TiredButTryin5x]

hiya, soz if this is in wrong place. just really stuck n don’t know who to ask.

my oldest ds is 15 (16 in aug) n finished gcse’s last month. we didn’t apply anywhere yet n i didn’t realise it had to be done already. school didn’t explain stuff too well or maybe i just didn’t understand it 😔

he’s not keen on 6th form n doesn’t wanna do loads more exams. he likes practical stuff more but don’t know what job he wants yet. i looked at new city college n saw some courses but not sure how to apply or what ones would suit him. he says “dunno” to everything i ask n just stays in his room all day.

i feel like i’ve let him down. just want to help him get on track. has anyone been through this? can we still apply or is it too late now? we live in romford if that helps xx

Agree

The more you do.for.him.right now, the less likely he will succeed

From what you've posted so far. It seems he isn't too bothered and.would rather sit at home on his x-box instead.

If you just need the child benefit- then it doesn't matter what he does.

But if you want him to succeed in something he needs to put the effort in himself to decide what he wants to do.

He’s fifteen. If he hasn’t grown up in an aspiring / ambitious environment he won’t have any idea how to approach making plans for the rest of his life! Of course it isn’t solely ‘his problem to solve’.

It’s the OP’s duty, as his parent (alongside his absent father) to help and guide him. Even pregnant, exhausted, hot and with little or no apparent previous engagement with his school - this is where she needs to prove that she does actually love this child.

It's not about leaving him to sort it all out himself.

But he needs to have some interest and some motivation. At the moment he seems to be lacking any get up and go.

I would have expected for him to at least have asked for help.

I know with my kids. If there is something that needs sorting for school.

She won't let up until she gets me to sort it.

Mum- it's xxxx xxxx day at school.

Mum- I need money for this today at school.

Mum- We are doing at this at school and need this material.

Mum-I need this form filling for school.

Mum-....

Mum-....

It it relentless.

I would have expected him to at least ask him Mum for help. And maybe say that all his friends have got their applications sorted but he didn't know what to do.

But it seems he either has no motivation at all or is burying his head in the sand.

Obviously Mum will have to help. Its just difficult to see a positive outcome in the current circumstances. And it would be better if it was him initiating this and asking for help. Rather than Mum just doing it all for him.

Is it really not perfectly clear that this child has no expectation at all that his mother would be willing or able to offer practical support?

The OP ‘didn’t go to college herself’ so has no experience. And presumably very few qualifications - so isn’t able to explain what they’re for to him.

She either didn’t attend the meetings or had difficulty comprehending the information disseminated by his school - so she won’t have discussed it all with him or helped him to act on it.

With so many children and zero support she obviously hasn’t been in a position to ‘build a career’. So she has not been able to model academic or vocational progression. It’s possible her son has no clue at all about ‘what people do’ post GCSE.

Alternatively he may have a very clear idea - alongside a sad realisation that his family simply don’t have the resources to get him to his preferred next stage.

https://www.gov.uk/1619-bursary-fund

He would be entitled to support through the college or school. Op is a low earner so he won't have any issues getting funding.

Bus fare? Clean trainers? Trousers that aren’t school uniform or joggers? A shirt? A haircut?

Maybe he has all these - but if he doesn’t, a bursary isn’t going to provide them before he’s signed up / registered somewhere.

Primark is cheap I am sure he does have clothes to wear to college. Most young people go to college these days wearing less. He will probably enjoy doing a level 1 games/computer course until he gets his English and maths sorted. He only has to attend 3 days a week. Op keeps her child benefit and he gets a grant.

@TiredButTryin5x how's it going?
Have you/him contacted any colleges yet?
It can be massively overwhelming as there are literally 100s of different courses and qualifications out there - especially if someone doesn't have a specific plan for what they want to "be".
At the moment you say his interests are mostly X-box but what was he into when he was younger? What were his favourite school subjects when he was at primary school? These can sometimes be a starting point for finding an interesting subject to study.
When I was 15 if someone had sat me down and listened to me say how when I was younger I loved building with Lego, creating cardboard furniture for my dolls and sewing clothes for my teddies I might have been encouraged to head down a creative path and become a toy designer.
But no one did and it didn't occur to me to think about what I loved when I was 10 when I was choosing college courses so I never grew up to design toys for a living 🙁
Whatever he does at college doesn't have to be what he will be doing for the rest of his life.
Just something he will enjoy and find interesting.

hiya, thanks for checking in ❤️ not contacted any colleges yet if i’m honest 😞 it’s just felt like one thing after another at home n i’ve not had the headspace. he’s still saying “dunno” to everything n just wants to game.

but what u said actually made me think. when he was little he loved building stuff with lego n was always messing with wires n old remotes, trying to “fix” things 😂 he’s always been really hands-on n good at figuring stuff out like that.

maybe something techy or practical could be good if i can get him to look properly. i’m gonna try sit down with him this week n look at courses at new city college or havering. he might not know what he wants long-term but like you said, doesn’t have to be forever, just a starting point. xx

It is fine not to have specific courses in mind as long as he will engage with admissions and discuss the options around the direction he wants to consider and likely gcse results.

Well, quite.
Op doesn't seem best placed to offer any kind of guidance at all, she appears to be as clueless as he is.
Let's hope the school step up 😬

In all honesty I would be surprised if the subject hadn't come up at school at all.

No I don't think a 15yo should be left to get on with it, especially one who seems unengaged with school, but I also suspect he's been ignoring/sticking his head in the sand as school has talked about it. I'd expect them to have had talks from year 10 onwards about their options.

Op, I'd request an urgent meeting with the head of year. Ideally take your ds, but if he won't go, then go without him.
Find out the options, see where they recommend and move from there. Don't discount anywhere that might take him, and see if you can encourage enthusiasm from him for what he can do next.

@TiredButTryin5x does he understand he needs to do SOMETHING in September?
Saying "dunno" is probably true. He really doesn't know what to do. He might think that if he signs up for a course that it means that he has to do that for the rest of his life as a job - but he doesn't!
Just two years of doing something that he finds interesting.
Monday morning contact the colleges. They must have a course advisor he can talk too.
Unfortunately I expect his school won't help as he has technically left.
Monday morning.....do it 🙂

Maybe has hasnt wanted to worry her as he is doing the childcare for his younger siblings and she is pregnant again and overwhelmed by it all. Poor kid.

Good suggestions from PPs re a course that could lead to a trade and courses that allow maths and English retakes alongside.

Do we know what OP's son's actual predicted grades/mock results are? Sorry if I've missed it or it's on another thread.

yeah i get what ur saying. i’ve prob not been the best example to him i know that. i didn’t go college or have any kind of job i loved so it’s hard to explain it all to him. school sent out stuff but i didn’t always get it or understand it properly, plus dealing with everything at home i just felt so lost with it all.

i do love him. more than anything. i just feel like i’ve failed already n now it’s like i’m scrabbling to catch up before he gives up on it completely. i wish someone had helped me understand it better when i was his age, maybe i’d have done different too 😔

thanks for the link, i’ll look into that bursary thing. he’s got the bare basics but not loads, and i know that stuff matters especially when ur trying to start fresh somewhere new. i’ll try talk to him again tomorrow n maybe get him to ring a college with me. even if we just get one meeting or something to start x

OP do you know what grades he is aiming for or has achieved in his mocks? That gives an idea of what course levels he should aim for.

There is a GCSE support thread in the secondary education on here. It will be active again around results day in August and there are some teachers and parents on who have been through the post GCSE process in the past.

The OP has never responded to this question.

Look at games courses if that might interest him?

https://barkingdagenhamcollege.ac.uk/find/courses/0000011082

https://www.ncclondon.ac.uk/course-subject/computing-and-it/

yeah ur right, school have defo talked about it before. i remember him mentioning some talks in y10 but he just never seemed to take it seriously. and i’ll be honest, i didn’t really push him at the time cos i had so much else going on at home. not an excuse just saying how it was.

he says he “don’t know” every time i ask what he wants to do. i think he’s scared of getting it wrong or picking something he can’t stick at. like he thinks it means it’s forever when really it’s just a step.

i don’t know his actual predicted grades properly, i think they said 3s and 4s in mocks. english might be a 4 but maths was under. he doesn’t really tell me much.

i’m gonna call the local colleges on monday, like people have said. hopefully they’ve got someone we can talk to who won’t make him feel judged. just wanna get him somewhere where he can see a bit of a future for himself tbh.

thanks for the tip about the gcse thread too, i’ll look for that nearer results day x

I don’t know his actual predicted grades properly, i think they said 3s and 4s in mocks. english might be a 4 but maths was under. he doesn’t really tell me much.

You will have had school reports with currently working atgrades, target grades and predicted grades.

If he doesn't achieve 4s in maths and English he will have to retake them, so he will have to go to college.

Haven't you shown any interest in your children's education?

Hey @TiredButTryin5x yes if he gains less than a 4 in maths and Eng (lang or lit) he will have to retake that which means college. It sounds as tho a L2 or even an initial L1 course may be best for him. If he does a L1 course that involves ongoing work do you think he would stick to it? L1 would be attainable if he is a 3/4 GCSE grade candidate. Or L2 would be a bit more challenging. He could always start with L1 and mvoe to L2. But he needs to consider what subject or area. Have you got a laptop that you can sit at together tomorrow and see what is on offer? You really need to step up and support him on this.

Please get external help. There must be some other adult he trusts?

And perhaps you could investigate for yourself why you don't understand the things the school communicates ("school sent out stuff but i didn’t always get it or understand it properly,"). It sounds like you might have a learning disability?

Because you don't want to repeat this again for your younger children.