Play date with mum who agrees with education tax

[BonnuitMy]

Please let me know if I’m overreacting. I recently overheard a new mum at school talking about a local private school closing down due to the education tax and how this is somehow a good thing. She’s now invited my DD for a play date, would you accept?

But you've said that her little girl is lovely. Why would you punish her and your daughter by not allowing the play date? Surely that is spiteful too?

You don't have to be friends with her to facilitate a play date.

Each year, the government allocates money for all state-funded mainstream schools, including academies and council-run schools, using a formula that ensures funding is fair and reflects their pupils’ needs
In the UK, state-funded schools receive their primary funding from the government, channeled through Local Authorities (LAs) or directly to academies. LAs distribute funding to maintained schools, while academies receive funding directly from the government via the Education and Skills Funding Agency (ESFA).

Red flag, really?

It’s not like she was shouting that Jimmy Saville was a lovely bloke really who’s been unfairly maligned 😒

I think it’s too prescriptive to compel young children to express their complex views on various political issues using a particular medium - what is the relationship that makes a particular medium more appropriate to expressing views on VAT on private education, Gaza and the Middle East problem, trans issues, united Ireland etc?

Pipe cleaners, sticky felt, play dough, Pointallism, abstract modernism etc - all are valid.

OP should canvass her child’s views and advocate for her. There is no way that she should force her child to socialise with another that holds views that are abhorrent to her. This would not be good parenting.

However, deliberately preventing socialisation for your child with another child they identify as a friend, because the parent doesn’t agree with your niche political view, is also bad parenting.

OP thinks that because the other mum said she was pleased a private school had shut down, she is expressing malice towards children.

I think this is a stretch. Children will go to another private school or a state school, either way they will be fine. There are a lot worse things than having to change schools.

You are the red flag here. It's going to be a tough ride for your DD if she can't be friends with anyone who has different views to you. What will you do if when your DD is older if her own views are different to yours?

Depends on the views.
Some yes absolutly, without a second thought.

On this, no but it's nice to find people who agree. Makes the forced socialising of playdates a lot easier.

It is a normal view. To equate it with deliberate malice towards children is ludicrous.

Presumably you prefer to live in a bubble where you only meet people who have the same political views as you. You’d better prepare a questionnaire for your DC's prospective friends ' parents, so you can let her know who she is allowed to be friends with.

You are ridiculous and narrow-minded.

She's a dick head but doesn't mean her little girl and yours won't have a nice time.

Ha ha, that’s exactly what DH said.

Assuming you disagree with her…it’s actually ok to disagree with people about things sometimes, healthy even to have differing opinions and be respectful about it.
I can’t see why you’d be considering turning down a play date purely because you disagree with an opinion they hold.

There is no such thing as Education Tax,

Yes, OP. You should always ensure your child is only ever exposed to people who share your personal political beliefs. That way you’ll protect her from growing up to be a well rounded individual capable of assessing multiple perspectives and formulating well informed opinions of her own rather than blindly following the herd in this era of fake news and social media misinformation.

FFS. Of course YABU.

@BonnuitMy OP, are we missing some detail here? Did she say something like not just being glad it’s closing down because she disagrees with private education but “and I just can’t wait to see those privileged little shits weeping into their pure new wool blazers as they troop down the sweeping gravel driveway for the final time!” Disagreeing with private education and being glad that one of the structures facilitating it has been removed isn’t an extreme view. I’ve worked in the state sector for a long time and while I recognise that some students’ SEND needs are not being met, and that some private schools may provide better support for them, on the whole private education compounds the privilege of the already relatively or very privileged. I understand parents’ individual choices to privately educate their children and I’m party to the effects of desperate underfunding in state schools every day, but in principle I do not believe in private education. This is a pretty common viewpoint - basically the belief that education should provide as much equality of opportunity for all children as possible and that, at least at school, some shouldn’t have ‘more’ than others. I would be wary of isolating your child from a potential friend because their parent holds this view - unless, as I say, you haven’t shared some critical detail.

While concerns about inequality in education are valid, arguing that private education is ethically indefensible and should be dismantled immediately overlooks key ethical, practical, and legal considerations.
First, parental autonomy is a fundamental right in many democratic societies. Parents have the right to choose the kind of education that best aligns with their values, religious beliefs, and their child’s specific needs. For many, private education offers a tailored environment—smaller class sizes, specialized curricula, or cultural instruction—that public systems often cannot provide.
Second, private education can drive innovation in teaching methods, curricula, and school management. These innovations can eventually influence public education positively. Competition from private schools can also motivate public institutions to improve performance and accountability.
Third, dismantling private education would not automatically create equity. It might instead drive privileged families toward exclusive tutoring, international schooling, or relocation—preserving inequality in a less transparent way. A better ethical stance would focus on strengthening public education rather than eliminating alternatives.
Finally, from a legal and economic standpoint, banning private education could infringe on freedoms and overwhelm already underfunded public systems. A more balanced approach would regulate private education to ensure fairness and accessibility, while investing in public schools to close the opportunity gap.
In short, private education is not inherently unethical; the real issue lies in systemic inequality, which must be addressed through broader social and policy reforms.

Parents who send their children to private schools pay more in taxes than others. In doing so, they help financially sustain the state education system, even though they don’t directly use it.
For the record, I personally dislike paying taxes for public services I don’t use—like state education and healthcare—but I don’t complain. It’s my duty as a citizen to contribute.
It’s worth noting that the top 10% of PAYE earners contribute over 60% of total tax revenue in this country. So, who do you think funds the NHS and welfare programs? It’s those same taxpayers.

I’d agree with the red flag. Many people agree with education tax - and if it was just this, then go right ahead no problem. However, someone being gleeful that a local school is shutting down? Hundreds of kids being displaced from their friend groups, massively uncertain where they will go to school? That’s not cool.

Maybe arrange a playdate at a soft play- then you and all the other people who have the correct views can get together and throw her in the ball pit and pelt her with foam balls until recants her ideas? For aural stimulation, you can chant 'heretic' at her.
Even better, if your children can watch to see how to be inclusive of people who have different ideas to you. Win, win- play and learn!

Or maybe you can have a chat with her and she why she thinks this? Maybe even put some different ideas to her? If she still doesn't agree, obviously throw scalding coffee in her face until she agrees with you

Why do you believe that parents who choose to send their children to boarding school pay more taxes than those who don't? Excluding the vat that has previously been left off?

Most people on this site are from the UK, not the US. You will need to explain what the "education tax" is in the US.

Why is it a red flag?

The idea that parents who send their children to boarding schools inherently pay more taxes isn’t about the school fees themselves being taxed (especially if VAT has been excluded historically). It’s about the broader economic context in which many of these families exist.
Many parents who can afford boarding school fees tend to fall into higher income brackets. As a result, they often pay significantly more in income tax, capital gains tax, and other contributions. According to official tax data, the top 10% of earners contribute a disproportionate share of total tax revenue—over 60% in some cases. So while boarding school fees themselves might not be taxed (or may now be under VAT), the families paying them are often already carrying a heavier tax burden overall.
Moreover, by choosing private education, these families are also relieving pressure on the state school system, which means their children aren't drawing on public resources like funding, facilities, or teacher time. In effect, they're paying for both the public system (through taxes) and a private one—without taking services from the former.
So while it's fair to scrutinize how the tax system treats private education, it’s not accurate to suggest these parents aren't paying more into the system overall. The debate should focus on fairness and access, not on dismissing the broader tax contributions of higher-earning households.

Yes I disagree with education tax and relishing in children’s misfortunes, it’s abhorrent behaviour. I’m not some over protective mum (Im really not), but you have to draw the line somewhere and for me this would be it. I would never want my child expressing bigoted views towards children simply because of the primary school they go to, so I’m not going to let her be around people who openly express those views without any shame.

In the current world with so many wars due to political and relgious differences I feel it so sad if a family only allows their child to socialise with a family that has the exact sames views and beliefs. In fact would there ever be a family that has identical beliefs to another - surely there will always be some differences? This may be just a simple play date but what a shame for both children to miss out on a lovely time with a friend because of....well in the OP's words a "red flag". Though I have to admit I do not understand what the red flag was. It all rather sad actually.

While I agree that there’s nothing wrong with mixing with different kinds of people with different views, mixing with malicious people isn’t the same thing. There is no excuse for maliciousness, especially towards kids.

‘Bigoted’ for wanting private schools to pay their fair share of VAT. Hilarious 🤣