Stop blaming teachers for your child’s behaviour

[Woolfatthedoor]

I’m so fed up of my partner return home from school exhausted and mentally drained due to the appalling behaviour of some of their year six pupils.
Heaven forbid they are reprimanded. Then a slurry of emails accusing the teacher of ‘shouting’ at their innocent kids.
My Partner and several colleagues are at the point ot resigning.
They are experienced teachers who love teaching yet these kids make teaching intolerable.
If feels like these kids are not set any boundaries at home therefore come to school with a degree of arrogance.
Parents don’t seem to take any accountability for their children’s behaviour siding with them against the teacher who just wants to teach the rest of the class.

Actually I won’t - I left the classroom three years ago because I was sick and tired of teacher bashing on social media. The only people to face consequences will be the children. I feel sorry for decent parents as teachers leave in their droves.

Children who have ASD at a high enough level to have an EHCP and claim PIP have autism to the extent that their day to day life is seriously affected by it and they likely need daily assistance, both in and out of school. These children are, for all intents and purposes, disabled.

The vast majority of kids with ASD don't fall into that category.

I was referring to the flippant nature of the quoted comment, about 'paying for a diagnosis...then reaping the rewards'.

That is complete and utter bollox.

@Wildflowers99 we've had a few really interesting threads on here regarding the explosion in cases of ASD and ADHD.

I can't recall all the reasons put forward but they're very well evidenced and the debate was very informative.

You will know people in your life who are Autistic and / or ADHD and you won't realise it. The population is significant and it's something people who are very upset about this ( for reasons I can't understand), will have to come to terms with.

I have my own theories. We no longer have people masking as such with greater acceptance and awareness. Now it isn't as shameful and hideous as in the 80s it really would have been seen to be. We had about 5 very apparent ND kids in my son's primary alone out of class of 20. As you learn more and are a parent yourself, you see it so much more easily in others. So many people would never have had access to an assessment years ago. If you didn't rock on the corner with 🎧 on, you'd be deemed unlikely to be Autistic. We now understand more.

In secondary, now about 4 ND kids in my own child's class. I think the behaviour does often just look like little shites. I can understand why people say that. You can be both ND and a difficult little sod from my experience 🤷‍♀️😆

lazy parents aren’t going to start getting up earlier to get free breakfast.

My point was that entitlement has always existed - hence the pensioners moaning the kids are getting something for free when they’re not.

This is why we are seeing Trump and Musk, and several other far right parties gaining ground across the globe. It’s all in response to the liberalism (which started as a welcome change) that has gone bananas.

I was thinking the same

The thing is if you don't deal with it it just gets worse. You hear all the time here about teachers getting hit or things thrown at them, that doesn't start from nowhere. That's where it starts. Child swears at teacher - no consequences. It escalates.

Why even have schools if they're run like this? May as well just shut them all down.

The government doesn’t parent your kids. Parents do. In there anything people don’t blame the government for?

You’ve conflated two posts - if you’re saying “There's a huge population of SEN kids forced into mainstream by Government to save money.” Then surely you also accept those children also qualify for PIP and are in mainstream, even if you don’t agree they should be.

I talked to a lady who was 6 when our city was bombed. She said as a kid it was great. They roamed round the gardens of the bombed posh houses and the adults were too distracted to supervise them.

Yes. 100%

Mummy is a character witness in court. "Little Timmy spat at his teacher every day for a year and I wrote an email every day to the school to make sure he never got detention because human rights. He was never punished. Now you want to send him to jail for robbing that bank. While I demand his right to family life under ECHR".

Will that fly? 2025 UK yeah it probably will to be fair.

Shame on any schools indulging this crap. You're destroying the next generation.

There are good teachers and horrible teachers as well as students. I’ve had horrible teachers and some awesome teachers. I think it could have something to do with the way the teacher acts with kids. I know a kindergarten teacher who hates kids and doesn’t have any of her own. She had a lot of complaints. So she retired and then went back to the same school and is now a substitute teacher on salary with 3 quarter’s pension and working on her next pension. Though I’m not sure you can get a pension on a substitute but it makes me angry bc she doesn’t like kids. And some more than others. Also, just everyone knows, teachers do not do social media. Wonder why.

Weren’t ALL school meals universal at the outset? Wasn’t the principle that if eduction was complusory then children should receive a meal? FSM aren’t new then, are they? And it’s only cornflakes. Still not a hot lunch like the good old days.

The “neuroscientist” parents 🙄

And, it continues in university. One of the reasons I retired from teaching in HE was the stress of trying to help so many students with MH problems. So many anxiety disorders, problems with depression, so much time trying to get the students the help they needed. A number of students in dire financial straits and working too many hours to revise properly, so we were putting in emergency funds applications for them. It is rough out there.

I haven’t set foot in a school for over three years and have absolutely no intention of returning. Please don’t bother directing your comments at me.

It shouldn't matter if someone is ND or not. If you're in a mainstream school you get punished the same as anyone else for bad behaviour.

More awareness is great, and you can make reasonably adjustments, but they need boundaries and discipline the same as a NT kid.

If not then they should be in a special school. It won't fly in the workplace.

Apologies for any confusion.

There are definitely a significant population of SEN kids in mainstream schools. They are being forced there as there is no alternative provision., any attempt to access limited provision in specialist schools is currently actively opposed by LAs and hounds upon thousands of decent hard working non grifter parents are facing this. Not the parents fault, not the teachers fault.

PIP is for 16 and over. You are probably thinking of DLA. Most parents who secure DLA have kids who have lots of issues. Kids with significant needs requiring care etc are more likely to qualify.

I don't know any parents like me with SEN kids who are in mainstream getting DLA. Rather, as per my other post, we are absolutely broke. I think ADHD meds might help manage some behaviour that others find really annoying! So I've had to pay £800 for the next psychiatrist appointment and will then have to pay for those meds. Hey fair enough. But to have people think the vast majority are blaggers. It's utterly misinformed.

Stop looking in the wrong places here come on.

Have a look at the research (in peer reviews top journals) citing the ahit food we eat (factory food, upf crap that makes up 90% of parents and kids diets). Food with more than a hundred ingredients that belong in a science lab. All attributing that to the asd explosion

Unless you've accidentally quoted the wrong poster, your first sentence is incorrect.

In my mainstream school, we have around 1 child in every class who receives DLA. This is more at the younger ages, with 5 nursery children out of 60 in receipt. These children all do have a high level of need and will need significant extra support at home as well as at school (all have EHCPs) so absolutely should receive DLA to support their daily living expenses that will be undoubtedly higher than children without SEND.

The rest of your post is spot on. I'm truly shocked by the £5000 you've spent and feel really sad that you needed to go to those lengths.

UPF is more of a problem than people will dare admit because “fed is best”.

Also the environment and pollution and plastics perhaps?

Also... with the 'free breakfast scheme'... it takes an hour and a half to get all of our children through the dining hall for school lunches due to hall size and seating capacity. We literally cannot fit them in the dining hall at one time. There has to be 4 separate sittings. Where is the budget to staff this?

How do you know who receives DLA?