I'm torn. DH is re-connecting with Catholic past so kids can get into Catholic school.

[bungalowbelle]

I'm uneasy and yet strangely defiant about this.

The secondary school we're in the catchment for is two miles away IF we're lucky enough to get it. There's a 50/50 chance we'll have to go to one even further away UNLESS DH rekindles the Catholic within. Then we'd be able to send the kids to a really good, Catholic school with large grounds about two hundred yards away.

DH was brought up Catholic. He stopped going to church and has one or two major problems with Catholisism, but also relates to a large percentage of it. He's keen and wants to go ahead. He has already begun the process.

He'd have to get the kids baptised, be confirmed himself ... and in all honestly he wouldn't be doing it were it not for the school issue.

One of my children has a serious medical condition which needs constant management. I would be very unhappy to have him travel a long way from home every day.

I still feel confused and guilty though. What do you reckon?

Is it wrong to use church to ensure your children get into the popular school? YES

Would I do it? YES

Naga this is exactly my quandry. The options are pretty stark though.

I wouldn't judge that harshly, myself. I think lots of slightly lapsed Catholics have their minds focussed (shall we say) by school entry. If it brings people into church, and they then connect with what they find there, that's a good thing, surely. Having one or two major problems with aspects of catholicism is pretty widespread, I'd say -- how many catholic families do you see these days with 7, 8 or 9 kids?

It doesn't sound as if he's cynically faking a faith for the express purpose of duping the schools, which I think is a bit more dubious.

I reckon the Parish Priest and the Headmaster will see right through it.

And what is more I hope they do.

I think it really depends on whether he intends to continue being a practising Catholic and to keep taking the children to church every week after they have all got into the school. If so then I don't see a problem but if not then I don't think its right but i doubt he's the only one to do it.

I'm probably similar to your husband but C of E. I too have started going to church again for school purposes. Maybe hypocritical, probably wrong but the school at the centre of our community (an area of a part of London) is a church school and our nearest community school is failing. Until something is done to provide a decent education for all I don't think it is unreasonable that people go to church for this purpose. I wouldn't actually blame someone who had NO religious beliefs doing this although I know a lot would disagree with that.

That said, now that this year's school allocations have come out (dd is next year) it turns out I won't have been going to church long enough to count so, I could stop going and be no worse off in terms of chance of getting in. But, I will probably keep going so in some ways from the church's point of view, its probably 'worked' to get me back in !

Are they at a non-catholic primary? Surely that would count against them. Or are you thinking way into the future? If they are not in primary yet teh schoolmay have changed beyond recognition in 7 years.

I would never do it but I know tons of people who do and loads who lie about where they live too.

We were in the exact same position with primary education. In the end decided a good school was worth more than my principles - will get shot down for saying it but hey-ho.

The church gets more bums on seats, more contributions in the collection box (well, our priest asks for a set amount per person by ddm!!), help with the summer fayre, cakes baked for various events etc.

So long as the commitment is for the length of time the children are at the school and not just until the forms are signed, I don't see a problem. There will be many families in the same boat - don't stress yourself about it.

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How is his practising Catholicism going to affect you and the family, though? To be blunt, is he going to start expecting sex without contraception or campaigning against reproductive choice? And before anyone accuses me of anti-catholic bigotry, the misogyny anti-contraception stuff is still a major factor in some people's catholic faith, and itis something that would matter bigtime to me.

Here's another difficulty -- I've never agreed with state funded faith schools. I think it's unfair.

However I think the other options are just as unfair, namely that my children - one of whom has a serious lifelong medical condition - will either go to an acceptable school which is far too far away or an unacceptable school with is even further. 50/50 chance.

So do I dump on my principles or my kids?

DH will continue going to church now and again. Certainly not every week though. He likes the idea of setting aside time for connection with spirit be it fishing, praying, meditating or other. So you see his brand of spiritualism, which stated with Catholisism, really has mutated into something pretty lose.

I also think, 'Well I'm paying for this school through taxes so ...'

Oops that's my fear. 'heads full of catholisicm' bit. But I figure they will have mine and DHs life views to counter, or add to what they learn at school.

My biggest fear is the church's views on homosexuality tbh. I don't know if it would become an issue in the school setting.

mamaloco thanks. That's the kind of post I was hoping for.

I'm obviously interested in all views though.

If you get your children into the school and you undermine the ethos, you will be asked to remove them.

You are blissfully unaware, arent you?

It can be pretty tough to get into a good Catholic secondary school even for practicing Catholics whose children were baptised at birth and spent their primary years in a Catholic Faith school. In addition to good grades, they need a personal recommendation from Father, the family needs to have done voluntary work at the Church for just about most of primary school, such as cleaning the Church, ironing all the linen of the Church, organizing the fete, etc. And, being an altar boy/girl really counts in your favour.

Most (primary) schools demands attendance in Church 3 out of 4 sundays for at least 3 years prior to it giving any bearing on a school application.

Your children will not have gone through 1st Communion either, which most children do in year 3.

But Good Luck to you, and all that.

I dont think I have ever heard of somebody suddenly buying into the Catholic faith for secondary school before.

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If catholicism scare you, here is food for thought.

I was chatting to a mum at my sons RC primary. We got talking about the curriculum, and she said: "One of my children came running to me and said, mum mum, is it true we come from monkeys? I dont know about that, as far as I am concerned we were created by God." She continued to say: I dont understand this modern idea of apes, what is that all about? I am a good Catholic born and bred, and WILL NOT HEAR such talk.

I have to say, my sons school is full of pretty MC business woman and lawyers, yet, they subscribe to what the Faith tells you, rather than Darwins ideas, I dont know if that is common or not, though...

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quint my 2 eldest sons are at a very strict catholic secindry college and the teacher herself said she believed Darwins theory.

In addition to what hs already been said we did exactly what you are considering doing I cooked cleaned washed and ironed for the priest sewed all the robes made tea and coffee after mass has ds1 and 2 as altar boys baked for fetes orgnised reding rotas even went shopping with the priest- my sons were accepted into what for our area is thought to be the best and although its out of our district the priest is on the board of governors and we got places.

Would I do it agin? In a flash- my children are worth it.....good luck

The official line of the Catholic church is pro dawinian evolution. I don't know any Catholics who don't believe in it but I don't go round asking people.

I think that there is probably a big variation in views on homosexuality. The secondry school that I am hoping my dcs get into makes a big deal out of saying that biggoty and intolerence towards homosexuality is not accepted. They cover it with Yr 7 in Social and personal development.

For some schools, children baptised as infants are given priority over those baptised in year 6 etc. It depends on how oversubscribes the school is.

I wasn't banking on having to do sewing and cleaning. I don't see what that has to do with it tbh but maybe I am deluded.

We are gonna do the same bungalow - I feel a bit bad - but DH says he doesn't in the slightest considering the treatment he used to get from the brothers when he was at school in Ireland.

What do you mean about the treatment from the brothers Friday?

My dh says though he turned his back on the church part of the religeon, when he went the other day it felt like going home to his family. He's half Irish too and comes from a strong Catholic family. He and his brothers all lapsed though.

QS, I've never heard creationist stuff from Catholics. I'm not saying there aren't any, just that they'd be in the minority.

As for OP's husband, I think his 'plan' would be fairly transparent. He's not confirmed, and your children aren't baptised- I was baptised late due to illness at 1 month old. He'd also need a period of sustained church attendance with the children.

I'm not saying that it couldn't work, just that your DCs would be at the bottom of the list.

girlfrom in my experience the Catholics I know, including DHs family, take and leave the bits and pieces on the basis of whether they can relate to them or not. I've found it to be refresingly liberal.

I do worry about the gay thing though. I've got some very good, longstanding friends who are gay and it's woven into my history.