Oh wise, wise people. Can you help me learn diplomacy skills before my meeting with ds's head teacher tomorrow? Please???

[avenanap]

Ds, as you may be aware, was blessed with a few too many brain cells and very little social skills. The head basically told me I should pack him off to a strict boys boarding school at the end of last term. Their idea of supporting him was to tell him off constantly. I have been helping ds at home over the holiday and he is an almost reformed character. Ds is moving to a new school in September so, in an effort to make sure he's treated fairly in the current school and not told off for trivia (talking at lunch time etc), I am refusing to take him back. I have emailed them with my concerns regarding ds, they have asked me to go in tomorrow, they are offering to look after ds whilst I am chatting with the head. They "look forward to seeing ds tomorrow". I have no diplomacy skills, the head has previously told me ds is opinionated and uncaring. I got the impression that he didn't want ds at the school anyway so I thought I had done them a favour. How can I tell the head I don't think he knows what to do with a gifted child, that his methods are barbaric and do not follow my childrearing philosophy?

Making inappropriate 'jokes' is disruptive. It is called 'low level disruption' - but every bit as disruptive as a major outburst.

mrz. How do you work that one out then? In all the years ds has been there I have complained twice. I have supported the teachers, whether I agree with them or not, I have listened to their concerns and have acted on every single one. ds does not disturb other children. You know what? I can't be bothered to answer that.

ScienceTeacher;he's doing this in the playground. Not in class. I would be on his case if he were doing this as it's unfair for the other children to have their learning disrupted.

I am getting confused. I don't think I can handle all the flipping back and forth.

I've seen children like yours, and a *traditional" prep school is rarely the environement for them. You can't expect the school to change for you. You selected the school and it is up to you to put up or shut or, or move away. Make up your mind as to what it's to be.

"The meeting went well, it has been decided that the two teachers will send ds to another teacher if they are having a problem. The other teacher (he's nice but fair and firm) will listen to what he has done/said and discipline accordingly"

I don't expect them to change the school. Just be fair.

How can you be so sure that they are not being fair?

If another child is naughty, do you really think they are not held to task?

You really cannot assume what goes on based on the reports of a 9 year old boy. He is really not in a position to judge.

I have five kids of my own, and they are always whinging about how I am being unfair. I know that I am not. I have nothing to gain by favouring one child over another. I work to the common good. But they can't see further than the end of their own noses.

avenanap you have gone into school and made arrangements with the head that certain members of staff are not allowed to discipline your child this almost gives him carte blanch to do as he pleases. I am really pleased I am not your child having to go into school once that piece of news filters down.

I never take ds's word for it. He's a kid. I do listen to him though, then chat to him about it. When it's confirmed by other parents though (their children tell them)or the teacher's told me himself so that I can back him up it makes me wonder. I know about the choir problem because I was standing outside and could hear it all.

I think that everyone is being a little hard on avenanap and her son. She acknowledges that he has some behavioural issues and has apparently worked with the school with them.

Avenanap, I do think that your son may in part suffer from believing that he is the centre of the universe(as many bright children do). I had a tendancy towards this at school and my parents dealt with it by encouraging me and celebrating my success but never telling me that I was clever or advanced. It is only with the benefit of hindsight that I actually realised I was moved up a year in school because I was clever not because that was just the way things happened. Can you play things down a little with your son?

I do recognise the need to treat all children fairly and know that sometimes children who are known to have behavioural issues are watched more closely than others and therefore get into more trouble (it is something I worry about with ds). Clearly any disparity of treatment needs to be dealt with but I am not sure that telling 2 teachers that they cannot discipline your ds but must send him to someone else is a good solution. It does undermine them and will make ds stand out more. Can they not discipline him and then give him a right of appeal to this other teacher if he thinks that it is unfair.

Goodluck anyway.

Science teacher, I am interested that you say a traditional prep school is not good for children like this. As my own son is bright (but not outstandingly so) with behavioural issues, I would genuinely be interested to hear in your experience (as I have none) what type of school would be good as I wake up worrying about ds everyday of my life.

(sorry for hijack)

It was the head's suggestion to send ds to another teacher. He thinks that ds associates these teachers with negative attention as they never give him praise for the things he has done. All I have done is make him aware that there is a problem that is causing my child upset. They are going to give him a warning if he starts to step out of line, then send him to his class teacher. This is the head's suggestion. Not mine!

He is the centre of his universe. We're working at that aswell.

Hikack away Goosey . Thankyou for the advice.

Sorry but looking back on avenanap's other threads I've come to the conclusion that this post must be a wind up

Thanks.

You are welcome

Did you manage to read the other thread that said I have ME, memory problems and fatigue? No. I don't expect you did.

Yes I did and the one where you said should you say you are qualified in child psychology and the one where you are looking for employment as an unqualified geography teacher and in this thread where you have a law qualification and others... I agree you do seem to have a memory problem.

I am totally confused by your profile avenanap-it says that you don't have children?

I have 1 child, aged 9. I studied psychology, including child psychology at Uni, then had ds. I returned to do a law degree when he was 3. I completed this, was unable to find a job, I have a friend on a nursing course, she suggested I applied for the experience as I wanted to do a graduate entry medicine course. I contracted a virus a year and a half ago (hence the ME). I left as I felt unsafe to be caring for sick children. I went back to Uni to do a MSc, which is what I am doing now. I remember this clearly. I'm going to put ds in the bath.

So the class teacher is now responsible for his discipline is this usual at that school ? Does your ds have more respect for him/her ? I hope so if it is to work. tbh, if I were a fellow parent, I wouldn't like the idea of your child being handled differently anuy mroe than you feel he teratment thus far hasn't been fair.

"As far as I am aware, ds can be a bit of a clown, he likes to crack jokes to make people laugh. He can also say things that he shouldn't (yeah, yeah, etc), which put's people's back up." "I do not expect for him to be permanently removed from choir because he's laughing at another child who's messing around, there were other chilren laughing as well," sounds disruptive to me, whether he was the only one is pretty irrelevant, maybe he just went too far and on top of other occasions you may not have heard about, for which he may previously have been warned, merited such a reaction.

Anyway it sounds as if you have reached your compromise - move on.

I have. He likes and respects his teacher. Thankyou.

Sorry if I have come across as unnecessarily negative. It's just that I'm struggling to reconcile these posts:

"I was going to home ed for a term and use the school fees for a nice holiday ."

and

"I'm looking for a term free considering some of the crap teachers they have employed and lack of care, plus written assurance of how ds is to be treated."

and

"I'm not expecting them to waive the fees nor do I intend not to pay them, tempting as it is. When ds started I made a committment (sp?) to the school. It's a business. It's irrelevant how ds has been treated."

Have I misunderstood something?

Sorry. I wrote these last night when I was in a less clear frame of mind. I don't think straight when I'm tired. I should have gone to bed. The grin's afterwards were ment to mean that I was not serious. I know that this is a serious matter and I should treat it as such. The last one is accurate. I'm not a freeloader, I'm not expecting for them to waive them. I wanted to work with them to sort things out I was just worried that I'd bottle it. I was raised to never moan or ask for things so I find this quite hard. It didn't come out the way I want it to.

But in a previous thread on the subject you say you are broke and haven't paid the previous terms fees and say there is a charity which might help?

It's an old thread, this was sorted out a while back.